Coming out

NO, not that sort of coming out! Keep reading!!

Just today I read a blog post, which linked to several others, which in turn linked to yet others, which made me do some Google searches...and I discovered there is a mini-trend of women bloggers "coming out as plus-sized". Most who have "come out" are then inundated with adoring comments from fans along the lines of "What courage!" and "Now I love you even more!" and "You are so beautiful inside and out!" and even "[expletive deleted] anyone who is smaller than a size 12!" There are plenty of "Real women have curves" type remarks and diatribes against any woman who "exercises too much", is "too skinny", dares suggest that obesity might be linked to health problems, or -- even worse -- has the audacity to suggest that lack of exercise and/or overeating might contribute to obesity in any way.

A plus-sized woman is applauded when she says, "I feel great about my size!" I remember the actress (but have blanked on her name) who exclaimed, "This is for all the fat girls!" when she accepted her Emmy award some years back. The crowd went wild! Everyone loved it! I think people would have been appalled, disgusted, and outraged if someone the size of Calista Flockhart would have enthused, "This is for all the skinny girls!" upon receiving an award. There would have been no end to denouncing such a woman as being unhealthy, both physically and mentally, and contributing to the eating disorders of impressionable young girls.

So I'm coming out. I am not plus-sized, but any stretch of the imagination. I am one of those women that "mommy bloggers" love to hate: right this moment, at the age of almost 52, I am wearing junior size 5 jeans. This is 12 years after giving birth to the last of my six children. I doubt that any of my three readers will gush, "Now I love you even more!" but I refuse to be ashamed of my size. Not any more.

I am a real woman. I think that carrying six children to term and breastfeeding them for over a year each -- and having them thrive on the milk my "inadequate" body produced -- more than qualifies me for real woman status, no matter what curves I may be lacking. I do not apologize for not being plus-sized, nor do I apologize for not even wanting to be plus-sized.

Sigh. I know. I'm supposed to be worried that my words might be construed as being "size-ist" and "intolerant", and completely lacking in "fat acceptance". I should instead be an "advocate for plus-sized women". I should drop my head in shame and apologize to people, "I can't help it that I'm thin. Really. I eat twice as much as you, but I can't gain weight no matter how hard I try." But, you know what? That is simply not true.

The truth is: I exercise. Not fanatically, not three hours each day, not even consistently as much as I should to maintain the best health (e.g., the recommended 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise each day plus strength training to maintain muscle mass and healthy bones at my age). Most days, I don't overindulge my appetite. I don't bake as a hobby and don't consume frequent desserts. The type of food I have grown to enjoy the most is relatively low fat and free of rich, creamy sauces.

Here is the most shocking admonition of all: I prefer being the size I am right now. I have weighed more in the past, but I feel better at this weight -- and I actually think that I look better. So does my husband. (I don't carry my fat well. I'm not one of those women who "gains all over" and looks voluptuous. The more weight I gain, the more disproportionately pear-shaped I become.)

So, yeah. I'm wearing skinny jeans. My size 6 pants are now too big for me. A lot of people think that is disgusting and would no doubt assume I have some sort of eating disorder or mental condition. I'm sure some moms would rather their daughters not read my blog -- and I may even lose some of those mothers as readers.

But...if it's a wonderful thing to come out as "fat" or "plus-sized", why not as slim? Instead of asking, "Can I please be fat?" I'm asking, "Can I please be thin?"

I'm certainly not expecting the sort of applause my plus-sized sister bloggers have received. All I'm asking for is a little "healthy weight for my frame acceptance" or even -- dare I say it? -- "thin acceptance".


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More weighty misconceptions

Here are a few other things I hear too often when the subject is fitness or weight loss:

1. The only reason women go to the gym is because they are vain. And that's sinful! Actually, I've asked a lot of women why they work out at the gym. And here's just some of the reasons we've come up with among ourselves, in no particular order:

• part of physical therapy after injury
• doctor's orders
• to prevent and/or treat osteoporosis
• as a preventative measure or treatment for other health conditions
• stress relief
• husband insists on it
• need the increased energy level it brings
• had to improve my fitness level in order to keep up with my children & their activities
• to set an example of health & fitness for my children
• weight loss
• in order to be better able to fulfill job requirements
• friends thought this was a healthier way to hang out than just eating & shopping
  
• to maintain health in old age
• to have a healthier pregnancy, labor, and birth
• so I won't be as much of a burden to my family in my old age
• helps me sleep much better at night
• to maintain good heart health
• fun activity to do with my husband
• thought I'd try out the free trial membership and was surprised how much better I felt
• to cope with the pain of arthritis
• to deal with lower back pain
• friend invited me
• singing coach suggested it to improve my posture and breathing
• other types of exercise I tried (biking, jogging, etc.) made my asthma worse
• to experience the health benefits of a good cardio workout coupled with weight-bearing exercise
• to prevent muscle atrophy and/or bone loss that most women suffer at my age
• when I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes, it shook me up enough to join the gym
  
• children pleaded with me to do something to improve my health
• mother nagged me to start exercising
• to fit in a smaller dress size for some special upcoming event

Sure, some of those, like the last one, could be thought of as a sign of vanity. (Although the last one could be sentimentality or a desire to please one's husband. I know several women whose husbands begged them to wear a long outgrown special dress --- sometimes even their wedding gown --- for a special anniversary or event.)

I'm 50 years old. I've had six children, which has taken a heavy toll on a body that was not that great looking to begin with. When we were engaged, my husband told me that I was certainly not beautiful or pretty and that the best thing he could say about me was that I was "kind of cute". Since then, whatever bit of cute I may have had has long since faded. The best you could probably say about me now is that I'm not significantly overweight and I look younger than 50. [Edited to add: my family disagrees with this assessment. My boys think I'm beautiful and my husband says I've actually grown better looking which each year. I was told to add their opinions, biased by love though they may be.] But I have no delusions that there is any workout on the planet that will put in what God left out or undo all the damages of pregnancy and aging.

Vanity would have never gotten me out of a warm bed on cold, dark mornings and to the gym at 4:30 in the morning, so that I would be back home again before my children got up. Anyone who has ever seen me would hardly accuse me of vanity; if anything, I've been accused of not caring enough about my appearance. (My husband is pleased that finally, after all these years, I have an actual hairstyle and, most days, manage to tame the unruly curls and the unkempt-looking "wildness".)

What keeps me exercising: I've discovered the enormous benefits in terms of improved health and increased energy, and that's something that a low-energy type like me really desperately needs. I'm also working hard to prevent/manage the inevitable osteoporosis that I am at extremely high risk for. Although it's mostly God's grace, I also credit my fitness/eating habits with the fact that, although all the women in my family develop diabetes in their 40's, I have avoided it so far. The bottom line is that I've been unfit and I've been relatively fit. Knowing what I do, why would I possibly go back? Why would I treat the body God has given me with such shabbiness? I'm looking forward to being a grandmother and, since I'm already older than my friends were when they became grandmothers, I've been able to benefit from the wonderful examples they've been setting. And you know what? I want to be as healthy and in as good a shape as possible to be a blessing to those grandbabies when they come...and I've probably got a few more years to wait!

Vanity? I've discovered that the really vain women usually aren't the ones working out very hard. They are too reluctant to sweat, get out of breath, or do anything that doesn't look girly, dainty, or sexy.

2. Gluttony isn't the worst sin. Actually, that's true. In fact, we could make a case for saying that about every sin except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. But since when should we excuse our sins in this way? "There are worse sins than indulging my sexual appetites." "There are worse sins than constant drunkenness." "There are worse sins than selfishness and pride." "There are worse sins than knocking you unconscious right now."

3. So I eat when I'm stressed. You should be happy I don't use drugs or kill someone. This reminds me of a teenage boy I knew years ago. Whenever he would get caught disobeying his parents, he would tell them, "You should be happy I'm not doing drugs." They were happy that his rebellion was relatively mild, and they began to ask themselves if possibly they were being too hard on him and expecting too much. I was barely out of my teens myself, but I suggested they consider not allowing him to do something he really wanted to do and then, when he protested, saying, "You should be happy we don't beat and abuse you." He was a very stubborn boy, and they had to repeat this a time or two before he learned his lesson and quit the ridiculous "you should be happy..." excuse for his disobedience.

4. Well, I don't care what you say. I'm proud that I'm fat. Look at my belly! Read all these amusing quotes and poems and stories about how wonderful it is to be fat! Hey, this is for all the fat people!! Uh, OK, whatever floats your boat. Just don't expect me to join you in your gluttony and lack of exercise. I'm more concerned about my health, while it sounds like you're all about your appearance.

Just do me a favor. Extend the same sort of grace to those who are not as fat as you would like everyone to be. I spent half my life --- all my formative years --- as a skinny person. I know that if I had ever dared say, "I'm proud that I'm skinny. Look at my completely flat, even concave, belly! It's wonderful to be skinny! Hey, this is for all the skinny people!" ... well, I would never have heard the end of angry, ugly, mean, tormenting remarks. I heard enough of them anyway.

Please remember something. Being fat doesn't make you more human. It doesn't make you more godly or more wonderful or more attractive (at least not in everyone's eyes) or more sensible or more humble or more theologically correct. It doesn't even make you more of a woman. (If birthing and breastfeeding six thriving healthy children doesn't gain me access into the "woman club", I don't know what should.) Proverbs 31 doesn't say the virtuous woman has to be fat, so why should you claim that your body type is God's standard of feminity?

In defense of skinny people: some are not skinny by choice. I was one of them. Even as a practicing glutton, I remained skinny. Others discover that living a healthy lifestyle means they will always be lean. If you expect people to love your fatness, embrace it, admire it, never breathe a word of criticism against it --- can't you do the same for your skinny brothers and sisters? Or are only fat people allowed to be content about --- even thankful for --- their size and appearance?

And, finally, a warning: Please don't make your being overweight a source of pride. What will you do if illness strips those pounds from you and makes you look like the people you so disdain?

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Common misconceptions about weight

Whenever the topic of weight loss or gluttony or obesity or related issues comes up, it seems that there is always someone, or several someones, in the group who try to derail the conversation from being about healthy living, the benefits of exercise, the obesity health crisis, the sin of gluttony, or whatever, and turn it into an excuse as to why we should not be concerned with any of those matters. Here are some typical misinformed statements that I've grown weary of hearing trotted out again and again. I've worded them a bit more dramatically and amusingly than they usually are, just to keep the boredom at bay.

1. People are getting thinner and thinner and it's unhealthy! People have no idea what a real woman or real man is supposed to look like! Sorry, but no. Read this. It turns out the exact opposite is true. Yes, Americans are getting taller, but their weight gain is way out of proportion. Quite alarming.

2. Marilyn Monroe, that epitome of female beauty and all that is feminine and wonderful, that woman who should be every woman's role model, would be considered fat by today's ridiculous standards. Why, she wore a dress size 16! We know she was 5' 5 1/2" tall and that her weight ranged from 118 - 140. Hardly fat by today's standards. In 2002, the average American woman was 5' 4" and weighed 164.3 pounds, which makes Marilyn Monroe quite slender, if not downright skinny, in comparison. As for the dress size myth, read this.

3. It only takes a few more calories over the course of a person's lifetime to make him obese. Why, all he needs to do is eat two bites of a sandwich more than some skinny guy. That's hardly gluttony. Usually there is some goofy math involved here, like the one guy whose arithmetic assumed a man was born at his full adult weight and then gained only 50 pounds over his 50 years of life. Yeah, right. The sad truth is that gluttons often have no idea how much they really eat, or how horribly much more food that is than normal, healthy people eat, or how horribly much more food it is than they really need. I know...from sad personal experience.

4. Just because I don't want to control my eating and don't want to exercise and don't want to do anything to improve my health doesn't mean I'm lazy! You have no idea how busy I am! To that, I have three replies, in the form of anecdotes...

Anecdote 1. I attended college while still living at home. During the beginning of my first quarter, when I was trying to get used to the heavy study load and had just finished a long day filled with hours of math, even more hours writing a paper, and way too much time reading dusty journal articles, my mother appeared at my side with a to-do list involving what looked like about three hours of heavy (and I mean HEAVY!) housework. I wanted nothing more than to fall into bed.

"Do I have to do this?" I whined. "I've been studying all day."

"College is no excuse for laziness," my wise mother rebuked me.

"Laziness?! But I've been working hard and I'm exhausted."

"No," she replied. "You have not been working hard. You have been sitting at a desk all day. That is not hard work. Your brain may be tired. Your body is not. In fact, you are really feeling sluggish from all that inactivity. My father always made sure we worked hard after we had studied, so that we wouldn't become lazy and weak."

Valuable lesson learned: studying and sedentary jobs aren't hard work. They may be challenging or stressful or mentally strenuous but they are not hard work. One can study for hours, get good grades, and still be a lazy bum.

Anecdote 2. This also took place during my college days, when I was working at a large automotive dealership. Once I happened to mention to my boss that the other man who shared our office space was a hard worker. "Hank?!" my boss laughed. "He's the laziest guy I know!"

"But," I protested, "he's always rushing around. He's so busy!"

My boss asked, "Have you ever actually seen him do any work?"

I thought long and hard. No, I hadn't. I'd seen him carry around a clipboard, take a personal call in the office now and then, talk to the drivers who brought in their trucks, but...

"You know why he's so busy? It's how he avoids work. But, since he looks so busy all the time, management isn't on to the fact that he isn't really doing anything productive." My boss described a phenomena I would later be much better able to recognize.

Valuable lessons learned: busy people aren't necessarily hard working people. Being busy doesn't mean I'm working hard or accomplishing anything. It just means I'm busy...maybe to avoid real work?

Anecdote 3. This took place in more recent history, during an outing involving a number of mothers and children of all ages. Most of the mothers were somewhat overweight, with a few obese women in the group. My oldest son pointed out to me later that it was somewhat amusing that the thinner women had been the most active, picking fruit, playing with their children and walking around, while the most overweight of the women found a place to sit and stayed there the entire time, just talking. During lunch time, my son (always observant) noticed that there was a significant difference between the lunches we brought. Those of us who were more active also brought healthier lunches, with far less empty calories.

As we were all talking after lunch, the topic somehow turned to exercise. One of the obese women said very proudly that the most exercise she got was walking to her mailbox once every few days, and she made it clear that this could hardly be considered a "walk". Women who exercise, she told us pointedly, were idiots. Another, who referred to herself as "fluffy", said she hadn't broken a sweat in years and had no intention to ever do so again. This amazed me. When I asked her how she avoided sweating, it became clear that she never did any gardening or yard work, no exercise, and only the lightest housework. She made it clear that any woman who worked hard was quite unfeminine.

This sort of thing, though it seemed extreme, has been played out in other groups, among other women...the poor food choices, the lethargy, the rudeness and defensiveness upon observing those living a healthier lifestyle.

Lesson learned: I'm still puzzling out the which came first question. Did these women become obese because of their poor eating habits and laziness? It would seem so. Or did they become even more lazy because of their obesity? Could be.

I believe that we were meant to work hard. In today's world, for most of us, there is less and less hard work for us to do. We're all in danger of becoming soft and lazy. Recently some of my women friends were laughing about how their great-grandmothers would have found it ridiculous that they paid good money to go work out at the gym. Why not plant some crops? Toss bales of hay into a wagon all day? Put up heavy storm windows? Isn't that work enough?

Seems most of us have lost the opportunity to do hard work...and we need to replace it, at the very least, with hard exercise. Unfortunately, too many of us are too lazy to do so. It's much easier to sit and indulge ourselves with our favorite foods, while pretending anyone who suggests we do otherwise is the one with the problem --- and getting annoyed if anyone suggests that obesity is, in most cases, caused by eating too much and doing too little.

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Assumptions of gluttony

Read previous post for context.

Even though, in most cases, obesity can be prevented or reversed by healthy eating and by exercise or physical work, I think it is wrong to assume, just by looking at an obese person, that he is a lazy glutton, given to excess eating and inactivity.

If we don't know this person, we will most likely be entirely right about what made him obese in the first place, but we shouldn't assume that he has not already repented from this lifestyle. For example, take the picture that started the obesity discussion on the Bayly Blog. It's impossible to ignore that the man on the right is quite obese and seems pleased, even proud of the fact. He seems delighted to point out his resemblance to a pregnant woman. His condition --- which would be alarming if we had not already become so used to seeing obese men in our culture --- has gone way beyond a "few extra pounds" or a "little flab around the middle" that we might be able to blame on stress or joyous feasting with family over the holidays. His situation, like that of way too many others, is far more grave and serious than that.

However, it is wrong, if we don't know this man and his history, to assume that he is currently still overeating and not exercising and/or working enough. When we see people in his condition, we don't always know what they were like some months back. For instance, I recently met a woman who is obese but who is also, at least for the past six months or so, one of the hardest working, most sensible eaters I've ever met. No one would guess it to look at her --- unless they had seen what she looked like six months ago.

In our culture, we often get criticized for making assumptions based on people's appearances. To some extent, it can be wrong, judgmental, and prejudicial. But, in other cases, we do it all the time. One of my sons, for example, is a very hard worker. It is obvious to almost everyone who meets him. His body is that of a man well experienced with good, old-fashioned, masculine labor. No one with a lick of sense could look at him and wrongly assume him to be some sort of typical teenager huddled in his room playing video games all day. In fact, people who meet him often ask me, "What kind of work does he do?" and then they nod, with an "Of course!" when they hear my answer.

I teach martial arts. When people walk into the dojo, I'm usually not surprised to discover, once they join our class, how well they can or can't handle the physical effort required, or how willing they are to work hard. Hard work and exercise has an entirely different impact on our bodies --- and their appearance --- than does a soft, easy lifestyle involving minimal effort. As one of my students asked me early on, "If I was already working hard, do you think I would look like this?"

One of the things I like about what I do is that I get to see formerly self-described lazy people "get off their duff" and leave their sedentary ways behind. Although I don't stress nutrition as much as I probably should, it's always rewarding to see my students realize that, if they are going to work hard, they need to start giving their bodies healthier "fuel".

Hard work has a way of transforming us.

In all my life, I've never met one obese person who got that way while eating sensibly and working hard. Gluttony and laziness were significant lifestyle factors, which the more candid and forthright ones readily admitted.

I believe that God designed our bodies for hard work. Male bodies, especially, are designed for streneous physical labor. Those masculine muscles were put there for a purpose. What is sad to me is that too many men in our culture have become soft, indulgent, and lazy. Even worse, they are unashamed of this, and try to act as if it is the way that men should be.

Some time back, I hard an overweight young guy criticize his girlfriend for putting on some weight. "Girls are supposed to be skinny," he said, "and guys are supposed to be big." Big being, of course, a polite way of saying overweight, flabby, and out of shape. I pointed out that, no, actually women were supposed to have a higher body fat percentage than men. It's one of the ways God designed us. Men were supposed to be relatively lean and muscled. Those that work hard enough and eat sensibly enough usually are.

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Gluttony?

Those of you who have read this blog for any length of time know that I have been quite candid about my own struggle with gluttony. And, yes, it's an uncomfortable and extremely unpopular topic to talk about.

I've been a skinny glutton, with a high metabolism that kept me from gaining weight.

And I've also been a...well, less-than-skinny glutton.

So I don't equate gluttony with being overweight or being obese. I also know that "overweight" is a loaded term, and one that can be difficult to define. According to one medical weight chart, I am currently, at 130 pounds, overweight for my age, height, and frame size. I could make excuses, insist that I am healthy at this weight, etc., etc. but I know the real truth: I am at this weight because I've been eating too much and not exercising as much as I should, especially over the holidays.

For some people of approximately my size, 130 pounds would be a wonderful weight. The weight chart says I should be at around 115 - 120. I know that, at this stage in my life, I don't want to drop that many pounds. But I do know that I can't use that as an excuse to indulge my appetites.

Some people are so afraid of legalism that they would simply throw up their hands in disgust at this entire post. Others will no doubt quote the Scripture about "physical exercise profiting little" as a rebuke to me, suggesting that it would be far more godly for me to be a couch potato and do little or nothing to prevent/forestall my genetic ticking time bomb of diabetes, heart disease, cancer, obesity, and osteoporosis.

But I am too grateful for the gift God has entrusted in my care: my physical body. Oh, it's quite plain, boring and used up by contemporary standards, but it has been a blessing to me. It has borne six children. It is the tool I use to enable me to serve God in my daily life. Why should I not take care of it as my way of thanking God? Why should I not be a good steward of my health?

Besides, the Bible is clear that gluttony is a sin, modern ideas to the contrary. Binge eating is not cool. Eating like a pig is not a sign of healthy masculinity. Pretending it's more gluttonous to be health-conscious and watch what one eats than it is to eat everything in sight is...plain goofy.

Being overweight or obese is not a sin. But the way that most of us get there is. Yes, there are some people who will always be "overweight" though fit and healthy. But obesity is a different matter. Yes, in a few cases, there are medical conditions that prevent a person from losing weight, no matter how hard they work out or how carefully they eat. But that is far from common.

There has been a big brouhaha over on the Bayly Blog about obesity. I know one of the parties that has weighed in. (Haha...poor attempt at humor there.) I think it's interesting that some people are so afraid to admit that, in most cases, obesity is easily preventable and is caused directly by two things: eating too much and not moving enough. But I guess it's horribly judgmental to say that. Horribly judgmental to think that men who show off how fat they are maybe, just maybe should be ashamed rather than proud...not necessarily ashamed for being fat, but for what they almost certainly had to do (eat too much and work too little) to get that way.

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Have I got a workout for you!

Even my brother agreed --- we have discovered the ideal workout. In fact, he's thinking of a way to market it. But, just for you, my beloved readers, I will let you in on my workout secret for free. I'm sure this will soon be sweeping the nation.

You don't even need equipment or fancy workout shoes. In fact, I did the entire workout completely barefoot, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt.

Here's all you need: lots of sand dunes and an assortment of babies, toddlers, and small children. A few of the more independent children (but not yet ready to wander the dunes without adult supervision) should get in in their heads to race on ahead, up, down, up down the dunes all the way to the ocean, causing the adults, babies, toddlers, and little children to have to hurry after them to keep up.

It helps if, on the way back, some of you end up straggling way behind the main group. Then, if you can arrange it, make sure that it becomes extremely windy, obliterating the footsteps you are following out, changing the look of the dunes enough to disorient you and make you think you've lost your way, and sending stinging sand flying against your faces and arms. Then the 3 and 4 year olds you're with should complain about exhaustion and discomfort, even while you are trying to make a game out of giving them piggyback rides. While trudging out, each person carrying an upset child, who seems to get increasingly heavier with each step, try not to act as if you think you will soon be wandering in a horrible sandstorm, unable to see, trying to cover everyone's faces with shirts, only to finally be found years later as a pile of bleached, sandblasted bones.

Nothing beats this workout for getting your heart rate going and for making your legs and back feel like putty afterwards. That's assuming you don't end up as a pile of bleached bones.

You should try it some day.

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Update

So, what have I been up to lately? Here's the scoop:

1. On the weight loss and fitness front: Things have not gone as well as planned. My weight has kept bobbing up and down by about three pounds. I've reached 127 pounds today, but doubt that I'll make my goal in two days. Life has been insanely busy and I've not had the time to exercise.

2. I wasn't insanely busy enough, so I decided to put on a karate tournament. It's going to be this Saturday. I am simply shocked at the amount of work involved, and that's with my capable army of volunteers.

3. Since it's simply not enough to try to juggle karate tournaments on top of my already busy life, I decided to get sick. I'm not hideously, bed-ridden type sick, just enough to lose sleep and stay out on the couch because of an annoying cough.

4. I've had all sorts of ideas for posts, but have promptly forgotten them due to being tired, busy, etc.

So that's pretty much what life has been like around here.

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Week 4

I just finished Week 4 of the Push-Up Challenge. Yay! Today I did:

• Set 1: 25 push-ups
• Set 2: 19 push-ups
• Set 3: 19 push-ups
• Set 4: 17 push-ups
• Set 5: 25 push-ups

I still had to rest more than 2 minutes between sets, which makes me feel a bit like a wimpy slacker.

Next week looks like a real killer, especially the first day. I'm expecting that I'm going to have to drop down a category again, because I don't think I can manage 36 push-ups yet. I've noticed that it's harder for women my age to experience rapid improvement in the push-ups we can do, once we're cranking out around 25 or so. I've had quite a number of women plateau there. The other plateau that I've noticed is right around 35-40 push-ups. Currently I have a student who is having the hardest time working her way past 37 push-ups on our monthly push-up test.

Because of my shoulder, I've been a bit hesitant to do my push-ups all the way to failure, so I probably could actually squeeze out a few more. But I figure it's best to play it safe.

It will be interesting to see how next week goes.

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This morning

Several of us bloggers have decided to hold ourselves accountable to our "public" as a means of motivating us to become better stewards of the bodies God has entrusted into our care. I'd encourage anyone who needs improvement in this area to join us!

When the alarm rang this morning, it jolted me out of a deep sleep, to the point that I actually felt disoriented and wondered, "What is that horrible sound?" Several late nights of falling asleep while watching the Olympics are, I'm afraid, taking their toll.

But I only languished in bed for about five minutes. Then I was up and rarin' to go. Well, not exactly. I was up, at least.

The laptop jumped out and demanded my attention on my way to the kitchen for a quick breakfast. But I fought it off until I was eating my oatmeal. Look, I'm multi-tasking, I insisted to myself. See how efficient I am.

But it was all a fiendish ploy. One email and one blog led to another. Finally I came to my senses and screamed, "Get behind me, you satanic computer!" and rushed out the door.

So I wasn't exactly on time for my morning workout, but I wasn't hideously late, either. Just late.

I warmed up with Prevention Magazine's "Advanced Interval Walk", which I have on my iPod, connected to a speaker. Only I jazz up the 16-minute workout by jogging during the faster walk intervals and by using an assortment of weights and martial arts weapons to add a little upper body warm-up during the slower intervals.

After that, I was ready to get down to the real workout. The state championships for our tournament circuit is this weekend, so I was working on kata (also known as "forms"). This morning I focused more on the weapons kata --- the main one that I intend to compete with, and the alternate in case I need to run a tie-breaker. But I also trained the empty hand kata that I'm going to run. In between that, I worked on another weapons kata, one that I usually tend to forget to practice. And it showed. Sigh.

Then there were a few exercises thrown in for good measure and I was out of time.

I left feeling good.

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Finding time for fitness

It's not easy.

Back when I first started working out at the gym, I was so desperate to stop gaining weight and to start feeling less exhausted and decrepit, that I was willing to revamp my entire life. The only way I could fit in exercise, what with the Stair-Step Brigade needing near constant attention, was to work out early enough in the morning so that I would be home before Youngest Child would awaken and begin clamoring for me. My husband, to put it mildly, is not exactly a morning person. The last thing he wanted was for his mornings to start any earlier than 8:00, especially if it meant having to deal with a ravenous toddler who wasn't always Mr. Sunshine upon rising.

The gym was a 20 minute drive away. I needed to get home as close to 6:30 am as possible. That meant I had to leave the gym by about 6:10 at the latest. If I wanted an hour workout, I had to be on the way to the gym by 4:50. After a couple months, I began showing up at the gym right around their opening time of 4:30, just so that I could get in a full workout (weights, cardio, etc.) and be home in time to spare my husband from Ravenous, Fussy Toddler.

I don't know how I managed it. For one, I went to bed much earlier than I do now. My life was a lot less complicated. Now, the idea of staggering out of the house at 4:10 am seems impossible and almost horrific. And do it three to four days per week? Ha!

These days, I struggle to get to the dojo, only 3 minutes away, by 6:00 am. I find myself making excuses for not getting out of bed when the alarm rings. Once I'm up, all sorts of things seem to beckon for my attention. I make excuses --- I'll just skip my workout this morning! After all, I already spend so much time at the dojo! Ah, I must remind myself, spending time teaching is not the same as spending time exercising.

This morning I arrived at the dojo over an hour later than I had planned. But I did get in a good workout, beginning with the dreaded push-up torture regimen. And, after tonight's classes, I even got in a mini-workout. So I'm feeling good.

Maybe tomorrow I'll actually get there on time!

Post contains minor edits to remove odd ambiguities.

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If I claim I want to be held accountable...

...then why am I hiding my nifty new weight loss ticker at the bottom of my blog?

Sigh.

Why do I have to ask myself these sorts of questions?

OK, so now you'll have to endure seeing it, right at the top. So will I. Maybe the weight will go off and stay off this time. Maybe I'll make this goal.

If not, well...hopefully I won't chicken out and remove the weight loss ticker when I admit defeat!

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Push-up Challenge Update

This morning I completed week 3 of the challenge. It was my toughest day yet, but I was able to crank out each of the required push-ups:

• Set 1 -- 25 push-ups (Yay! Most I've been able to do since I first injured my shoulder a few years ago.)
• Set 2 -- 19 push-ups
• Set 3 -- 19 push-ups
• Set 4 -- 17 push-ups
• Set 5 -- 22 push-ups

That's a grand total of 102 push-ups!

To be perfectly honest, I had to wait a bit longer than 2 minutes between some of those sets, especially between sets 4 and 5.

The good news is that doing 10 push-ups now seems almost ridiculously easy to me. I'm also going even lower, with almost each push-up being pretty much as low as it's possible to go (i.e., without actually touching the floor). I'm discovering that I'm engaging more of the muscles in my back...and I'm realizing why fitness buffs are such fans of push-ups!

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The 100 push-up challenge

Thanks to Kat, I found out about the Hundred Push-ups Challenge. On Friday, I finished my second week.

The program starts out by having you test how many push-ups you can do. To be honest, I'm ashamed of how few I am able to do. For the past 4-5 years, I've had ongoing troubling bouts of biceps tendinitis and related shoulder pain, and for about half of that time, I've been forbidden by a physical therapist to do push-ups because of the strain it was putting on my shoulder.

So, alas, all I could crank out was 18 push-ups. To my defense, I have to say that they were in good form. And what is a good push-up? Here is the description from the challenge website:

Instructions for "good-form" push ups

Lie prone on the ground with hands placed as wide or slightly wider than shoulder width. Keeping the body straight, lower body to the ground by bending arms at the elbows. Raise body up off the ground by extending the arms. Repeat.

Body weight should be lifted by the arms; don't be tempted to use your butt, stomach or the lower half of your body to pull yourself up. To maintain correct body alignment, imagine a straight line running from your head down to your ankles.

And, from an Army basic training website:

Tips: Kneel down on the floor and place your hands flat on the floor and slightly wider than shoulder width apart. With your shoulders directly over your hands, straighten your arms. Move your feet back, placing your toes on the floor, so that your knees are off the floor and your legs are straight. At this point, your body should form a straight line from your shoulders to your ankles. Your body should remain straight throughout this exercise. Keep your head and neck in line with your body so that your are looking down toward the floor. This is the starting position. In a controlled fashion, lower your body down toward the floor, bending your elbows, until your body is nearly touching the floor. Now, push your body up away from the floor, straightening your arms, until you have returned to the starting position. If you need to reduce the intensity of this exercise you can perform the pushup from your knees.

In our martial arts classes, we require that students not only keep their bodies straight, but that their heads be either in line with or above their shoulders. Arms need to be bent at least 90 degrees, with the chest coming close to the floor.

I can --- and do --- demonstrate good push-up form in class, but I can't keep it up for very long. So I jumped at the idea of the push-up challenge. I've tried various push-up regimens in the past, but this one seemed quite doable, and didn't involve lots of time or push-ups scattered throughout the day.

By the end of the first week, I was somewhat sore. By last week, the push-ups I was doing seemed easier, even though I've been working out on the heavy bag a lot more and expected my upper body muscles to be more easily fatigued.

I would encourage everyone to take on the challenge. If you haven't done "real push-ups" in years, the website suggests modifications to make them easier. There's no reason not to get started!

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Oh, the scandal! Call the hyper-modesty police!

Sometimes the best way to handle legalism is to laugh at it. Well, maybe not. But a sense of humor can help keep you from going crazy.

It dawned on me this morning when I was showing my new blog look to my daughter: I never would have done a blog like this before my fall to grace. For one thing, even though I would enjoy coffee when I wasn't pregnant or nursing a tiny little one (which meant coffee became a semi-rare treat!) I didn't really ENJOY coffee like I do now. In fact, I didn't think it quite right to do too much enjoying of anything, other than my husband and children and a clean house, lest my enjoyment become excessive, fleshly, or smack of idolatry.

But the real scandal is my profile picture. I'm sure some visitors to my blog will be offended, while others will no doubt exclaim, "AHA! I knew it!"

As you can tell, I'm not wearing a skirt. What you may not be able to tell is that I'm wearing a sleeveless top. To add insult to injury, I'm punching a bag. How unfeminine of me.

Actually I would beg to differ. I think it's quite feminine of me. I've done enough teaching of and training with both men and women to notice that women seem especially appreciative of punching the bags, especially the new heavy bags we've installed in our dojo. They derive actual pleasure from kicking and smacking those hard, 100 pound bags around. They tend to do it with far more gusto than the typical man.

In fact, I've noticed that my women students take their martial arts training more seriously, while at the same time having far more fun with it, than my male students. This might be because the men have a harder time identifying with me as their role model. But I think what plays a bigger role is that my women students take self-defense more seriously while taking themselves less seriously. The women also seem far more empowered by the whole training experience; for some of them, it's the first time in their adult lives that they have felt physically capable.

Women will encourage each other when their technique becomes more effective and powerful. "Wow, that kick would have stopped anyone trying to attack you!" they'll say. Or, "No one's going to mess with your kids once they know you can do that!" Some of these women have already tasted violence very up close and personal. If not, they have friends who have been attacked and assaulted. To them, martial arts seem a most fittingly feminine solution to the violence they are all too aware exists.

But that doesn't mean you get to train in skirts. Some years back, when I was helping to teach a class for homeschoolers, one family got very upset that I wouldn't let their daughters wear dresses in class. "We are concerned about modesty!" fussed the mother.

"So am I," was my answer, "and that's why I won't let your daughters kick, learn how to fall correctly, and do judo rolls in dresses. It's way too immodest, and unsafe besides."

Somehow our baggy karate uniforms were not modest enough for this woman. She would rather have her daughters expose their legs and more while their dresses flapped around and hindered their safe movements. She decided that if we were going to be so hard-nosed about it, she was going to find a "more modest and godly" martial arts school. I doubt that she did.

So, yes...I'm wearing baggy workout pants in my profile picture. I happen to be wearing a workout top rather than my usual uniform top. I'm punching a bag. Some may find this a cause for great alarm. It doesn't fit their narrow constricted view of how a godly woman should dress and act.

So...sound the alarm, ladies! Gossip amongst yourselves! Post to your blogs and to your closed forums about the scandal of it all!

In the meantime, I'll be doing what my hands find to do, with all my might, for the Lord. I'll relish my freedom in Christ. And I'll continue to allow Him to use me to impact the lives He has sent my way, those students who want to learn what I am blessed to teach. And I'll dress appropriately while doing so. After all, it's the modest thing to do.

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Do not get weary...

For more on this topic, look in the sidebar under "gluttony" or "weight loss".

Many mornings, as I force myself to get out of bed and head off for my morning exercise, it is a huge struggle. Huge. I am weary. I am lazy. I want my bed. I want a life of easiness, indulgence, sloth...

So I remind myself of the healthy weight range for someone of my size and bone structure: 114-127 pounds. I'm not there. Yes, I could make all sorts of excuses. Those are just numbers on a scale! I'm athletic, and muscles weigh more. All the women in my family have thyroid problems (two have had to have thyroid surgery) and I'm sure my thyroid is probably out of whack, so who can blame me for extra pounds?

But the truth is right in front of me...and right behind me. I've indulged myself too much this past year in food and in laziness. The extra weight is there for a reason --- my gluttony and my sloth put it there.

I remind myself of my tiny bird bones and of how I don't want to end up with a broken hip in a few years. I can still add to my bone density, but it will take work. Hard work. But, at my age, should I really risk doing less than what it takes?

I remind myself of diabetes. I'm a ticking time bomb. I know what I need to do to make myself healthier and less at risk.

I remind myself of my children. None of them are married yet. Some are still quite young. I don't want to be one of those grandmas who is too feeble from years of unhealthy living to play an active role in the lives of my future grandchildren. I don't want to continue setting a bad example for my children. If I am someday dependent on them for care due to my own physical limitations, I don't want it to be for diseases and health conditions that I brought upon myself.

I remind myself of my husband. Yes, his example in this area is not one to follow. No, he doesn't support and encourage me in exercising good stewardship over the body God has given me. In his perfect world, I could be as gluttonous as the day is long and, without doing a thing, somehow be transformed into a delightful person who is fit and trim and movie-star-gorgeous. I know it will not happen. I also know, realistically, that at my age and with my looks, it is really not good for my marriage for me not to be in the best possible shape that I can. I can't be movie star gorgeous, even if I went to the best plastic surgeons of the bunch. Then there is my age --- I'm turning 50 next month. The best I can do is to age well and the best way that I can do that is to be healthy and fit. And that takes work. Constant work. But how can I do anything less for a husband who does so much for me and overlooks so many of my faults?

I remind myself of God. He made me. He gave me this body. Yes, he looks at my inward heart, and I don't think the numbers on the scale matter as much to Him as they do to me. But...if He looks at the inward heart...that means He sees my laziness, my gluttony, my desire to indulge my appetites, the way I've used food to avoid turning to Him...that is so much uglier than any amount of fat my body could possibly carry.

So I drag myself out of bed. I force myself to exercise. I pray for God's help in overcoming temptation. I keep track of what I eat. I do it so that I will be healthy and more energetic. I do it for the children I teach, so that I may lead by example. I do it for my own children. I do it for my husband. I do it for God.

But I still have to do it.