The masculinization of the church, part 4

Numerous men have told me over the years, in person, in sermons, in articles, in books, in blog posts and emails, that men NEED a certain amount of power and respect in order to "feel like men". Apparently, masculinity is all about being in authority, and femininity is all about being under authority. Men NEED to lead; women NEED to follow. At least that's what I keep being told.

So, as men have masculinized the church, turning into an organization where they will feel more comfortable and at home, and remaking it in their own image, the church has become all about power and control.

I read about one church where the men on the "Leadership Team" were adamant that no women ever, ever be allowed on this board. The pastor, however, was frustrated that there were not enough qualified male leaders, and that the women with leadership capabilities were not being allowed to minister. It began to occur to him that perhaps the men were so eager to "lead" (as in, exercise authority over others) that they had forgotten they were supposed to be serving the church. So he announced a major restructuring of the church board. In actuality, all he did was rename the "Leadership Team", while retaining its same function. At the next board meeting, he handed out the new board description. The men read it in silence for a few minutes, and then began protesting. "Why are there no women on this proposed 'Servant Team'?" one demanded. "Why is it that the men are supposed to do all the serving?" "Why don't the women have to do any of the work?" "What happened to the Leadership Team?"

Men sometimes like to call themselves "servant leaders". They like to say that they "serve by leading". What that usually means is, "I serve you by exercising authority over you in a kinder, gentler way than a selfish tyrant would." But the emphasis is still on exercising authority, and on being the "boss".

Jesus had a different idea.

Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave..."

We like to remind ourselves that, if we are the "boss", we shouldn't "lord it over" those under our authority. What we like to conveniently forget is that Jesus didn't seem to be recommending the idea of exercising authority as something we are supposed to be doing, even if we try to pretend we're doing it with a "servant heart".

But, in the masculinized church, we are all concerned with authority, with control, with power, and with all those things that no real slave should even be trying to exercise.

How far the church has come from what God intended!

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

The masculinization of the church, part 3

For background, see Part 1.

Men, or so I've been told by many of them, like to fix things. They also like to organize things. In addition, they like to know who is in charge. Women, or so I've been told by many men, may like these things also, but not to the degree that men do. In fact, some men argue that these are not wants, but NEEDS. If there is a problem, a man NEEDS to fix it. If there something going on, a man NEEDS to organize it. If there is a project, or a group of people, or any sort of situation, a man NEEDS to know who is in charge.

The church, unfortunately, has been masculinized because of this. What started out as an extremely loosely structured group of believers in the New Testament quickly became highly structured, organized, and hierarchical.

But I think it's only getting worse.

A few examples:

1. Men will sometimes see problems where none really exist and then rush in to "fix" them. For example, rather than being concerned about the lack of discipleship and spiritual growth going on in a typical church, the male leadership will tend to convince themselves that the real problem is that the youth group is "too small". In order to "fix" this problem, all sorts of programs are suggested for implementation, ranging from hiring a new, more dynamic and exciting youth pastor, to building a youth building, to buying an expensive new turnkey multimedia youth curriculum, to having rock concerts, etc., etc.

2. Pastors will worry that the small groups they started as a means of fostering deeper fellowship are working all too well, and will insist that all small groups be disbanded and reformed every six or twelve months, so that no one becomes too "close".

3. Male leadership will endlessly worry over who is in charge. Countless hours will be wasted in numerous board committees arguing over such ridiculous things as "Well, who is really in charge of making sure the day care center is locked up after another group uses it? Is that the janitor's job? The christian ed director's job? The trustee committee's job?"

4. "But who will be in charge?" will become one of the first responses whenever anything is suggested, even if it is as simple as making sure a kleenex box is available at the front of the church. One woman I know brought up the idea of having family fellowship dinners. She was required to write up a proposal, which apparently was discussed by the elders for almost a year. Finally they told her they couldn't find a suitable person to "be in charge" of such an undertaking. In many churches, prayer groups are frowned upon unless an elder or staff person is in charge. Women can't just meet in a home to have fellowship and pray together unless they have a "covering", i.e. a man who will exercise authority over them. Someone always has to be in charge, and it has to be someone who meets the approval of the male leadership of the church.

5. Structure, organization, and programs become far more important than relationships. I even heard of one pastor who searched online for a "fellowship program" that he could implement in his church! Finally he decided that a certain cell group curriculum would be effective in bringing about healthier fellowship. The idea of simply...well, forming relationships? loving one another? everyone functioning as a member of the Body? Who would be in charge? How could this be done without a program? In another small church, after the leadership board refused to buy a $5,000 program designed to teach people to greet visitors in a friendly manner, the pastor spend months designing his own program. It was so highly structured as to be baffling. "Greeters" were told where to stand, exactly what words to say, how to show a visitor to a seat in the sanctuary, how to walk, etc. The instructions were so complex and took so many pages that one person asked in dismay, "How can I ever memorize all this so that I'll be sure that I'm doing it right?" One woman distilled the program into, "Smile. Be friendly. Let Jesus love this person through you. Introduce him/her to others. Make him/her feel comfortable and welcome." But that's the feminized version, of course!

I have to admit that I am growing more baffled as I grow older. Isn't the church supposed to be a family? Why don't we act as one, instead of as a corporation, a social club, or some sort of organization? Why has the church become a business?

The sad truth is that many men don't fully understand the family either. I've read and heard many men who like to say, for example, that the husband is the CEO, the wife the plant manager, and the children employees-in-training. Either that, or the husband is the Captain, the wife is the first mate, and the children are all sailors. It doesn't matter that the Bible never gives these sorts of analogies. Men like them. It doesn't matter that, in the world, CEO's are forbidden from having sexual relations with plant managers, as this would be seen as a horrible misuse of power. Apparently this is a good thing in the corporate model of marriage.

Lord, save us from our families becoming masculinized. Let our families be the right blend of masculine and feminine, just as you intended. Let us not pretend to be businesses or sports teams or military units.

Lord, save us from masculinized churches. Let us be Your family, Your Body, Your bride.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

Mother's Day

It was wonderful. The day started with quiet time and some phone calls: one to my mother and one from Eldest Son. Then, one by one, the rest of the family roused themselves out of bed. We prepared a delicious brunch together that included homemade cream biscuits and country gravy, scrambled eggs, waffles, and some of the best fresh local strawberries ever, topped with whipped cream.

Ah...

Then we just hung out as a family, enjoying each other's company, and trying to come up with a plan for the rest of the day. Several ideas were nixed because we didn't want to take the probably-coming-down-with-chickenpox children anywhere that they might infect anyone else. (In fact, we had a lively debate over whether the spots on one child were actually pox or something else. Besides, shouldn't he be feeling more sick than he is?)

We finally decided to head down to the beach with our assortment of vehicles: truck, two dirt bikes, and two quads, with the idea of the boys finally teaching me how to ride a quad. They were full of eager encouragement. My first ride, on relatively flat sand, was not much fun for me. The crazy thing seemed impossible to steer and control. I couldn't seem to get the hang of the thumb-controlled throttle. Every time I hit the smallest bump or incline, I was sure that I was going to fall off or crash. My second ride went much better --- I was actually getting the hang of the thing. Then I took a break so that we could head into the dunes and watch Child #3, who is really no longer a child, fly over dunes with his dirt bike. I couldn't decide whether, as his mother, I should be proud or alarmed at his accomplishments. After that, it was back to safer sand so that I could get in more riding. I think the boys were hoping that I would catch on to their enthusiasm. "Soon you'll be riding on the dunes!" they claimed. Haha. I putt-putted along, like a little old lady, while tiny kids zoomed past me on their quads. I fully expected some random 4 year old would take pity on me and stop to offer me tips.

After a fun afternoon, we headed home, and the family prepared a delicious dinner. We also looked at the pictures we'd taken just hours before at the beach. To my shock, I saw some pictures of Youngest Child, Baby of the Family, flying through the air on a quad at what looked like an alarming distance from the ground. He might be turning 11 soon, but he's still my baby. Sigh...

But, all in all, it was a great day. One of the highlights, besides all the fun and good food, was discovering that Child #4 is now taller than me. That means that half of my children have passed me by. That's a good thing!

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

Date nights?

A mom with young children captured my sentiments about "date nights" exactly in her blog post.
By the way, my parents have been happily married to each other for more than 50 years, consider each other their best friend, and are still so gaga over each other that it's almost ridiculous --- and they achieve this martial bliss without going out on date nights! Imagine that...

Sad anniversary

Recently I heard something on the radio about Terry Schiavo; apparently it was the anniversary of her death. I had written quite a bit about the controversy back in the beginning days of my blog. The post I'd like to most remember her by is this one.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

How to serve God

How are we supposed to serve God? What best glorifies Him and advances His Kingdom? Is it dropping Easter Eggs out of airplanes in some mad frenzy or is it this?

Somehow I don't think that a man who refuses to repudiate his faith in the face of 150 people urging him strongly to do so, who goes door to door sharing the gospel in a hostile environment and sees 45 come to faith that first day, would ever utter the words, "What we received was a strong slap of the Heavenly pimp hand", but maybe that's just my own silly opinion. Apparently I'm just a hypocrite for thinking it might be a bit unseemly to refer to our great and wonderful God as a pimp. Either that, or I'm way behind the times. Obviously so, since I'm not a big fan of over-the-top egg drops either.

Read both links and let me know what you think.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

The masculinization of the church, part 2

For background, see Part 1.

As a woman, when I read the Bible, I tend to see it describe the church as a family, where we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, where we are to treat one another as family members. I also see the church as the Body of Christ, and I am in awe of the deep mystery of that. As a woman, I am especially moved by the idea of the church being the Bride of Christ.

Too many men, however, want to structure the church as a business and this has been, in my opinion, one of the most serious problems with the masculinization of the church in American today. (See my first post on this topic.)

Another way in which the church has been dangerously masculinized, at least in my opinion, is the way in which politics have invaded the church. Too many decisions are not made prayerfully. Even worse, too many men see offices in the church as being something akin to political offices, to be pursued much in the same way that one pursues political gain out in the world.

This first became obvious to me back when I was early in my pregnancy with Child #3 and our church was considering calling a man to be our new pastor. My husband and I had some concerns about this man. We feared that he was rather liberal in his interpretation of Scripture. But worse --- especially to me as an admittedly emotional pregnant woman --- was that he was still proud of the fact that he had worked hard to help make abortion legal in the state of New York years ago.

It was hard for me not to take it quite personally when he told me to my face that he could not be sure that life had really begun for the child I was carrying in my womb.

A number of people in the church knew that my husband (who was a deacon/elder at the time) and I would obviously not be in favor of this man pastoring our church. So the campaigning, mostly via numerous phone calls to our home, began. Finally it all escalated until, only an hour or so before the congregational vote was supposed to take place, one of the church staff members drew me aside and told me, quite sternly, that I was not to vote "no" for this man. If I couldn't vote "yes" --- which was my duty to preserve the unity of the church --- then I would have to abstain from voting. But he forbid me to vote "no". I looked him in the eye, completely unmoved by his intimidation tactics, and said quietly but firmly, "Do not tell me how to vote. I hope you are not doing this to other people. Stop."

In the churchy equivalent of ballot box stuffing, those who supported this new candidate for pastor had been busily calling everyone who was still on the active membership rolls but hadn't been to the church in months, if not about a year, to show up and vote "yes". The church was packed. Rousing political speeches were made. The new pastor was voted in, over my husband's publicly voiced concerns. Many of the speeches said that what our church really needed was an "administrator". His theology and his pro-abortion stance weren't so important; after all, he was "teachable". (I didn't see why it was our responsibility to "teach" a pastor in his 50's --- weren't we calling him to teach us?)

Since then, in other churches, I've seen men wage political campaigns for the offices of elder and deacon. I've heard pastors defend putting men on leadership boards out of political expediency, even though these men were unqualified to hold church office. I've seen grasping for power.

Politics have invaded the church. Actually, it has not been an invasion. It has been yet another example of men wanting to recreate the church into something that is more in their image. It is yet another example of the masculinization of the church.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

The masculinization of the church, part 1

This may become an on-again, off-again series...but then again, it may not.

In some circles, men are practically gnashing their teeth over what they term the "feminization" of the church. These men, of course, view this as a bad thing because, in general, they have a low view of femininity. Frankly, I've never quite bought into their argument about the church in American being "too feminine" and this supposedly being the root of all its ills.

Recently I was discussing this with someone, who pointed out, "But the real problem is that the church has become far too masculinized --- men are treating it as a business, rather than as a family or as the Body of Christ!"

That was, for me, one of those, "well, duh...!" moments. Yes, of course, I thought. That explains it.

Someone else told me, also very recently, about a special meeting called at his church. It seems that his church had reached a crisis point of no longer being able to sustain itself financially due to dwindling attendance. The meeting was spent exploring solutions: marketing strategies, campaigns, special events, etc. It sounded to me just like...well, like a business meeting of a secular organization. It also sounded all too familiar. I've been to those sorts of meetings. In fact, in more recent years, I've been to way too many of them.

Once, I sat through a church meeting that was supposedly about the "new church vision". Most of the meeting, however, was taken up by showing us samples of the types of advertising and marketing the church leadership was considering. The pastor was proposing that tens of thousands of dollars be spent, by a small church, on mailings, DVDs (not of sermons but of clever "commercials" for the church) and gimmicky gifts such as bibs, pens, hats, etc. featuring the name and clever new logo of the church.

I've heard about pastors --- and actually met one --- who prefer to call themselves by a more business-oriented title, such as CEO or administrator or lead teacher. Anything but pastor...

I've read books and articles about church leadership that sounded just like the sort of stuff I used to read when I was part of the corporate world.

In fact, the business model of church growth and management is rampant in American today.

Call me hopelessly feminine, but I think it's wrong. I think it is more than wrong --- I think it is dangerously misguided. It is, in my opinion, the most serious symptom of the grave problem of the masculinization of the church.

It is, of course, entirely understandable that men would want to change the church into something that is familiar and comfortable to them. It is also understandable that they would want to take control, that they would want to remake the church into their own image --- as if it was their creation and their body --- and would want to define and take credit for its "growth".

But it's wrong.

The church belongs to Jesus Christ. It is His Body. It's not a commercial enterprise or a business entity. The Bible never describes it as such. We are family, we are united as members of His Body. We are not officers, managers, and employees of a business.

Jesus is the one who builds His Church.

He did not tell us to wage great marketing campaigns for Him. He told us to make disciples. Clever advertising and church growth strategies are not the way to fulfill the Great Commission.

Missing in all of this --- at least to my feminine way of thinking --- is prayer and a reliance on the Holy Spirit to do His work. My admittedly feminine approach to dwindling church numbers would be to open God's Word and ask, "How did He add to the church back in the beginning, when there were so few of them?" And then we would get on our knees, on our very faces, before Him. First we would come in repentance for all that we've done personally to get in the way of His work, the many ways we had brought shame to him and caused strife within His Body. We'd repent of our lack of love for each other and for those outside of His Body. We'd plead with Him to change us. Then we would pray on behalf of His church. We would plead with Him for revival, first in our hearts and then in the hearts of others. We would ask Him to make us bold in sharing the gospel. We would ask Him to build His church. We would ask Him to equip us for every good work, and to send us out into the harvest. We'd plead with Him to guide and direct us.

And we'd keep doing that.

In the meantime, we'd look to His Word to see what else the church is supposed to be doing. We would love one another. We would tend to the widows and orphans. We would feed and clothe the hungry, visit the prisoners, care for the sick, pray for one another, preach the gospel in season and out of season, teach our children, and make disciples. Most of all, we would worship God in spirit and in truth. We would love Him with all that we had, and we would pray for the ability to love Him more.

Yes, I know. Way too feminine. Unrealistic. Behind the times. I know. I know.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

Be careful out there

For more background, read "Internet Identities"

As someone who teaches self-defense, I'm growing increasingly concerned about the careless risks some women take on the internet. Here are just a few recent things I've encountered that I'd like to pass on as warnings:

1. Please don't think that your "private" email list of you and hundreds of your closest, trusted friends, all hosted by Yahoo, is really private. Can you personally vouch for every single one of those hundreds upon hundreds of other people as being trustworthy enough for you to disclose your innermost thoughts, feelings, personal information, and deep dark secrets to them? If you don't want your emails to them going outside of that special circle, do you really want it going to the hundreds of strangers inside that circle?

2. Please don't think that the lady who sits next to you at church...or your pastor...or your employer...won't ever stumble across what you've written online that you hope they will never find out.

3. If you like keeping a journal that you really don't want strangers to read, don't throw that journal up onto the internet. If you do have a public blog, people will assume that you actually want it to be read. It will only make you look silly if you get your knickers all in a twist over people reading and discussing what you've posted!

4. If you do have a blog --- unless you keep it private by carefully restricting access to it --- you should expect that anyone...ANYONE...can read it. That means people you don't like, people you don't know, people who might want to harm you, people looking for someone to victimize, and people you might never expect to read your blog --- like your husband, pastor, employer, or the little lady next door.

5. Don't give out too much personal information. Even on your blog or myspace page or whatever. You don't know who could be reading what you've written.

6. Just because you delete an email you've already sent, or a blog post you've already made public, doesn't make it vanish. You don't know what someone may be saving on their hard drive. You don't know what feeds and readers may have picked up your blog post. You don't know what archiving systems may be in place. As some people warn, the internet is FOREVER. Choose your words carefully and wisely.

Your safety may depend on it. So may your reputation. So may the reputation of our precious Lord and Savior.

Be careful out there. Please.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.

Blog games

As far as I know, there are no blog police, nor are there some universal regulations of blogging set down in some law book somewhere. Different blog hosts may have their own rules, such as whether their platform can be used for commercial blogs, for porn, etc. but other than that, we are pretty much free to do what we want, as long as we obey the laws of the land about speech in general.

And, of course, those of us who profess to follow Christ would do best to heed His Word regarding what we write.

It is my desire to live a life of integrity. I would hope my blog reflects that, even in its silliest and most mundane of posts. So, for me, I've established a few "rules" that I've observed being followed by some of the bloggers that I respect most:

1. I try to be very careful about honoring copyright laws. I may quote from someone else, but I make clear that the quote is just that. I don't take credit for something I haven't written. I don't repost entire articles written by someone else; instead, I link to them.

2. Since beginning my blog in May 2004, I don't think I've deleted a single post. I let my words stand. Usually I try to choose them carefully for just that reason. Sometimes I've had to edit a post after the fact --- either because I've let a host of typos slip by or because I've written something in a way that is not as understandable as I'd hoped. When I do an edit, I include a comment at the bottom of the post, explaining that the post was edited and why.

3. I've only moderated comments once, and that was when I was posting about kinism. I didn't want racists to use my blog as a platform for their vile filth. I do delete comments --- either those that are ads or those that are obscene. Also, I would never knowingly allow someone to use my blog for illegal, immoral, or truly hateful purposes. I would probably remove a comment at the author's own request but would indicate that I had done so. Oh...and I've deleted duplicate comments. Since I'm a big girl, I realize that not every comment will agree with me. Some of my controversial posts may even generate heated replies. That's OK.

4. I would never use a blog hosting platform that would allow me to edit the comments of others. I would not want my readers to wonder if I were doing so. I want everyone to know that their words are their own. I would certainly never alter them in any way. To do so seems quite dishonest to me.

5. If I were to adopt a "no comment" policy, I would be sure that I would never post anything that would frustrate people for not being allowed to comment. In other words, I wouldn't post things of a controversial nature. I certainly wouldn't mention anyone else without being decent enough to give them a chance to reply, on my blog, about what I'd written.

6. I don't ban people from my blog. Anyone may freely comment, as long as they are not trying to use my blog for free advertising or for spreading obscenity and hate, or for anything illegal or immoral.

7. I don't play blog games. Apparently some people do. For example, I've heard of "swarming" recently; although I have no idea what that is. But I don't use my blog, or anyone's blog, as a means of engaging in the sort of petty conflicts that we should have all outgrown back in our junior high days. I'd like to say that I take the high road on my blog, and that I hope my blog reflects the sort of maturity one would expect at my age, but then I'm sure someone would search the archives and come up with one of my silliest posts to use against me. After all, what is so mature about a picture of a boy with a kitchen towel over his head?

8. I realize that I have chosen to make my blog public, and that anyone with internet access can read it. So I don't search my stats to try to find out which ten or so of you visit frequently and then accuse you of "stalking" me. In fact, I'd rather flatter myself by thinking that all sorts of people wake up every morning thinking, "Oh, how I hope that there is a new post up on Random Musings! I must check immediately!" The stuff that I don't want the public to read? That's the stuff that never even makes it onto my computer, let alone onto the internet.


This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.