True femininity?

O.K. ladies, now it's our turn!

There are a lot of mistaken, wrong-headed, and unbiblical notions about femininity rampant in our culture and even in our churches today. Here are some of the major ones:

1. Feminine = bad and/or defective or, at best, inferior.

2. Feminine = sexy.

3. Feminine = passive and/or weak.

4. Feminine = "kitchen wife".

5. Feminine = unintelligent, illogical, and overly emotional.

I'm not saying that a kitchen wife, or a sexy woman, cannot also be feminine; I am saying that true femininity is not bound up in those simple equations. A "kitchen wife" can be feminine or unfeminine, for example. Contrary to some men's fears, hanging out in the kitchen too much will not make one feminine, any more than hanging out in the garage will make one a car.

A simple definition of feminine is "of or relating to women or girls; characterized by or possessing qualities generally attributed to a woman".

Sometimes we act as if we've forgotten that God created women --- and that He declared all of His creation good.

However, in some circles among those who claim to be Christian are men who lob the word "feminine" and "feminized" as if these were the worst insults. They act as if a woman's influence is to avoided at all costs.

So...without further ado, here is my list of those things that I consider unfeminine:

Women who are not ladies. By this I mean real ladies. My grandmothers worked hard. They were strong. They were courageous. They would even sweat. One of my grandmothers, who recently went to heaven, was remembered at her funeral as, among other things, loving to exercise. But my grandmothers were ladies who, even when being outspoken, knew how to be well-mannered, cultured, hospitable, and proper.

Couch potatoes. Slothfulness is so unfeminine!

Women who do not treat their husbands kindly, respectfully, and as they want to be treated. I thought about how to word this for a long time. Submission is such a loaded word. I've met husbands who insist that they don't want their wives to submit to them. It's not that they want rebellious wives who don't treat them respectfully; it's just that they don't want doormats. True submission, in my opinion is treating your husband as he wishes, unless to do so would violate Scripture, violate your conscience, or be a poor testimony. (Yes, there are some husbands who deserve neither kindness, respect, nor anything else. I'm not talking about those kind of horrible marriages.)

Women who lack courage. Cowardice is not feminine. It's just wimpy. Real woman do what they need to do despite fear.

Women who lack compassion. That's hardly feminine. We're supposed to be the relational ones.

Women who are arrogant. Why should we behave as the worst of men?

Women who are more concerned about criticizing men than about becoming godly women. That should go without saying.

Women who make excuses for not demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit. Ditto.

Indulgent, gluttonous women. It's just as sinful for women, even if you don't end up looking as ridiculous as the men. But there is nothing feminine about food binges. Really. [Edited to add: please note that I did not say that all overweight women are unfeminine or in sin. I realize that not every overweight woman is gluttonous. Carrying extra pounds following childbirth is, in fact, quite normally feminine. There is nothing unfeminine or sinful about thyroid disorders or other health problems that cause inadvertent weight gain. However, no matter how heavy or skinny one might be, gluttony is still a sin. It's not a sin because of how it does or doesn't make us appear; it's a sin because the Bible says so. No matter how much we may try to "pretty up" our food binges, blame them on hormones, or pretend they are somehow part and parcel of being women, they are still sin. There is nothing feminine about indulgence and gluttony. See "Is Gluttony a Sin?" and "Gluttony: Still a Deadly Sin" ]

Women who mock what is feminine. Please don't mock me for having children, for enjoying to cook, for being married, or for dressing up on occasion. Note: saying "I don't have children" or "I don't like to cook" or "I have learned to enjoy being single" is not mocking me. I'm not that thin-skinned. But telling me that only an idiot would have children --- well, I have a hard time putting a positive spin on those words. It's hard not to view that as an attack on my womanhood and as quite unfeminine of you.

Women who don't like women. If you run around trying to convince people how dangerous and violent and sneaky and horrible and stupid and mean and attacking and catty women are, it's all too easy for me to start thinking that maybe you aren't really a woman. At any rate, you certainly have gender issues and aren't very feminine.

Sorry, ladies, that I was harder on you than on the men. But I presume we've all got our big girl panties on and that we can handle it!