- We will have no food, water, utilities, or communication for a long, long time.
- The National Guard will take at least five days to arrive with aid. It will probably take even longer for them to reach the neediest areas.
- FEMA officials will go on national TV and blame us for not "making ourselves known" to them. Of course, without electricity or TV, we won't be able to get the message that we need to rescue ourselves from the rubble unaided and find FEMA officials to make our needs known before they will help.
- If any of our mayors or the governor express strong feelings about the nightmare they are facing and if, heaven forbid, they use strong language to criticize the federal government's slow response, they will be accused of being the worst governor and mayor in the nation.
- Christians will post on the internet and preach in sermons that the earthquake is God's judgment on the wicked, wicked state of California. If Hollywood or San Francisco gets smushed, this will be further proof to these people. Never mind that they support Hollywood by being consumers of entertainment or that they visit Hollywood and San Francisco on vacations...We all had it coming and deserve God's wrath.
- People will blame us for living in California. Why on earth would anyone but a complete idiot live in an area that expected earthquakes? Serves us right for not evacuating...
- Our local and state leaders will be blamed and criticized no matter what they do.
- If Bush is still president, he will be blamed.
- People all over the country will turn into arm chair experts on earthquakes, disaster preparedness, disaster relief, etc., etc. and will gladly wax eloquent over what we have done wrong and are doing wrong.
- On the plus side, people will be generous with donations. On the other hand, maybe a lot of people won't, because they think all Californians are rich and live in fancy, expensive homes.
- Because of Hollywood, the news will be full of reports about celebrities and their homes and their plight.
- People will think we shouldn't rebuild, since we'll just be hit with more earthquakes.
- When armed gangs turn our city streets into anarchy, with rioting and looting and raping and murdering, Christians will post online that ordering troops to shoot the thugs is the worst possible thing. Others will cry for stiffer gun control laws. No one will seem to care about the innocent victims they want to be left defenseless.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Warning to Californians
We Californians know we live in earthquake country. Some of us claim to prefer earthquakes oover hurricanes and tornados. Many of us joke about The Big One. Others would rather live in denial. However, as I've watched the events surrounding Hurricane Katrina unfold, as I've read news reports and blogs, I've realized that we can expect the following in the event of a devastating earthquake hitting our state: