Random Musings

World's Cutest Baby

2012-01-14T11:34:00.001-08:00

Here she is, my adorable first grandchild, right after she was born in November:

A few weeks later, we briefly placed her in the travel bed/playpen we used with her mother and uncles. In protest, this amazingly brilliant child uttered her first words:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Beauty

2012-01-13T12:16:00.001-08:00

Recently one of my Facebook friends made some posts about feminine beauty and how women perceive themselves. If I understood him correctly, he was saddened by the fact that not every woman thinks of herself as physically beautiful, and he had an admittedly romantic notion that each woman should/could find a husband who would affirm our beauty and find us drop-dead gorgeous. We had a bit of a dialogue back and forth, and I've found myself thinking some more about the topic since then.

The truth is that we are not all physically beautiful. If we claim all women are, we render the word "beautiful" absolutely meaningless. By insisting that, no matter what a woman sees in the mirror, it is some sort of tragedy if she does not "feel beautiful", we are making plain women believe they now have two problems: their physical plainness and their inability to conjure up feelings based on wishful thinking or pretense.

Over the years, I've read a few books and articles on dealing with a poor body image. Over and over again, the solution is some variation of, "Look in the mirror, preferrably naked. Admire all your wonderful features and say out loud everything you like about your body. Embrace those extra pounds...remember, real women have curves!"

This ignores and invalidates women who cannot bear to look in the mirror because of hideous scars from trauma, because of deformities, because the sight of their body triggers painful memories and feelings. It ignores those of us lacking in the curve department. But who cares? Apparently we are not real women.

Real women, it seems, are all beautiful. If we don't think we are, we should pretend otherwise and "feel beautiful". If we can't do that -- because we're too realistic and honest, or because what faces us in the mirror is too broken and scarred, or because we are not "womanly" enough -- we are basically invisible, as if we don't exist. We don't matter, and it's our own fault.

On the one hand, we are told that our worth is not determined by our beauty or lack thereof. On the other hand, we are told that we need to "feel beautiful". We are told that, if we are not confident in our beauty, we may never attract a husband and, if married, we will never be able to fully please him sexually. As wives, we are duty bound to be uninhibited and to act as if we were incredibly beautiful and sexy...and then somehow we will convince him.

The underlying message seems to be: It's bad enough if we are not beautiful. It's even worse if we can't pretend otherwise so convincingly that we fool ourselves and almost make people forget our crime of not being beautiful.

Christian books repeat this message. They tell us men NEED (not just want) us to be beautiful, that they need a "beautiful woman to rescue" and that we need to "reveal our beauty".

When you're not beautiful, all of this is like yet another cruel taunting reminder, a slap in the face. "Oh, but all women are beautiful," some men will blithely say...and yet these same men will make disparaging remarks like, "Even an ugly woman can find some guy somewhere if she is confident enough in her beauty and femininity." Don't they see the glaring contradiction there?

It's become somewhat popular in certain Christian circles to bemoan our society's standards of beauty. "Don't fall for the media's false messages!" we are told. We are reminded that we shouldn't feel inadequate and should not compare ourselves to media images of surgically-enhanced and airbrushed professional models and actresses. "That's not real!" we are urged to remember. We are told how tragic it is that, because of these false images and messages, teenage girls are growing up thinking they are worthless because they don't realize how beautiful they are.

At the same time, we are told that our beauty is dangerous and that we need to conceal it carefully lest we cause great damage to our brothers in Christ. Besides, "modest is hottest", so if we really want to be sexually attractive, we should wear modest yet feminine clothes that will make Christian men admire our beauty.

We are told that our value is not determined by what men think of us, yet we are urged, every time we get dressed, to prayerfully consider what every man we might encounter that day might possibly think when he sees us. How we appear to men, how they think and feel about us, is of the utmost importance. We are urged to read books and "study" men so that we can learn exactly how they think. One man might be "stumbled" by this, another by something else, and we need to keep all that in mind. A godly woman, apparently, somehow manages to walk that fine line: she is modestly hot, feminine, confident in her beauty, and appropriately attractive in every way -- yet not too sexually alluring to anyone but her husband.

The real problem is not our culture's standards of beauty. It's not that women are refusing to recognize their own beauty. It's not that women aren't realizing that, if they really want to be "hot", they should dress to appeal to certain conservative Christian men. The problem is that even Christians in America can't get it through their thick heads that a woman's worth has nothing to do with her beauty or lack thereof, or what men think of her, or whether her husband thinks she's gorgeous, or even whether she has a husband.

A woman's worth is determined in exactly the same way as a man's: she is created in the image of God, and that has nothing to do with her appearance. [Yes, I know there are some wackos who teach women were NOT created in the image of God. Read Genesis1: 27. "Man" doesn't always mean just males.]

Our worth as women is determined by God, and he doesn't look at our outward appearance the way shallow humans do. He sees the real us, who we are inside. There is no Scripture that admonishes us to be or feel beautiful. That is all a distraction, a diversion from what really matters to God.

I am as much a child of the King as any male...or as any beautiful woman. There aren't any ugly ducklings in His Kingdom. When He bought me with a price, it wasn't at some discount because of my flaws and blemishes.

When I stand before Him someday, my appearance will not matter. I doubt He will say, "If only you would have had a better body image! If only you had determined to feel beautiful!"

In fact, I prefer to think I will be so hidden in Christ that, for the very first time ever, I will be really beautiful -- because all that anyone will see is Him.

That is what really gives us our worth: Christ's sacrifice on our behalf. The only beauty that really matters -- really and truly matters because it is the only beauty that will last for eternity -- is His.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Rape Prevention

2011-07-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

I've been preparing to teach some classes on personal safety and self-defense for young women. As a martial arts and self-defense instructor, I have read my fair share of material on this subject. I can honestly say that the following rape prevention tips, if followed, would be enormously successful, far more so than any other tips I've read.

Please pass them on to everyone you know.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Most popular posts???

2011-07-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

While doing a little blog housekeeping, I installed a widget that displays my five most popular posts of all times. I'm disappointed in what I learned.

I mean, really? Why not one of my posts about how amazing grace is? why not one of my humorous posts? why not one that brags about how incredible my offspring are?

But, instead, we have the ones about wacky teachers. That's what I'm known for? Controversy?

[said somewhat in jest...but I was surprised...]

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Remembering and reflecting: where I've been

2011-07-23T17:42:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I blogged semi-regularly. It's been so long that Blogger has come up with all sorts of cool new features since I last did anything but a quick post. It's also been a long time since I was active in the world of blogs. There are a few I keep up with sporadically, but I rarely comment. I have no idea what new controversy has everyone's knickers in a twist in what used to be my corner of the blogosphere. I am utterly and completely out of the loop. For all I know, some new wacky teacher may have arisen and convinced the gullible that patriarchy -- true, Biblical patriarchy!!! -- requires living in tents or that the reason men don't have concubines today is all the result of some vast feminist conspiracy.

I miss some of the people in that world, but I don't miss that world. It feels good to be free of it.

A lot has happened in my life and in the life of my family since those days. Life and death stuff, or I should say, near-death stuff. Crises. Heartbreak the likes of which no one should ever have to suffer. Anguish. Dark nights of the soul. But also incredible joy in the midst of that sorrow.

In other words, real life. Real nitty, gritty life.

When life gets that in-your-face overwhelmingly real, despite all the chaos and confusion that might ensue for a season, some things become really clear. You re-examine a lot when you're treading through deep waters. You begin to realize what and whom -- and Whom -- you can grab onto for safety and what and whom will only pull you down further. You realize who you can go to with your burdens...those who will weep with you and rejoice with you...those who will hold your darkest secret heartaches as sacred trusts...those who will walk with you through the darkest valleys.

There aren't many of those sorts of people.

Years ago, back in the day, I remember an online discussion of homeschooling mothers during which one brave soul dared mention a minor issue she was having with her teenage daughter. This girl was no longer content to play "Little House on the Prairie" and read Elsie Dinsmore for the 20th time; she wanted more out of life; she longed to do something that made a difference and was exciting at the same time. A number of the other moms, who only had young children, tore into this mother and her daughter. You would have thought this girl had announced, "I want to be a harlot" and that the mother had answered, "Whatever you want, dear, is fine with me; let me buy you some harlot clothes" -- that's how these other moms carried on. They gave advice that this girl's "rebellious spirit" needed to be rebuked and punished, that the mother shouldn't listen to her nonsense, that both were in sin, etc., etc.

Needless to say, these are not the sort of people you turn to in a crisis.

A few years went by, but it was still back in the day, when the son of a homeschooling family died under unfortunate and disturbing circumstances. The parents decided to alert other families to what had happened, so that others might be spared their tragedy. I was horrified at the lack of empathy, at the other callousness, in which some in the online world responded. There was much holier-than-thou shooting of the wounded.

Needless to say, these are not the sort of people you turn to in a crisis.

More than one mother, way back in my days of writing about my concerns regarding the Ezzos' teachings, insisted that they had the whole parenting thing down and would never have to deal with any problems because their one-year-old was already "characterized by first-time obedience".

Needless to say, these are not the sort of people you turn to in a crisis.

Also, back in the day, there were certain online teachers, some of them leaders in their own churches, who thrived on controversy, who loved to declare their authority over anyone who commented on their blogs, who sounded convinced that they held a special corner on doctrinal correctness, and who loved to argue until they didn't have the upper hand, in which case they banned people from their blogs.

Needless to say, these are not the sort of people you turn to in a crisis.

In May of this year, I went to a retreat. It was my second year going. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. When my mother heard of my plans, she asked with some trepidation, "Is this the same retreat you went to last year? the one with the...troubled people?"

It's always after the fact that I think of what I should have said. In this case, I should have said, "Yes, that one...because I am one of those troubled people."

Jesus said, "In this world, you will have trouble..." Some people are just more honest and open about their trouble than others. Some people know what it is like to be broken, wounded, and lost. Some people know what it means to find joy after sorrow. Some people aren't afraid of messes. Some people will let you grieve in ways that wouldn't look pretty in a movie, and they will sit with you in your pain, without condemnation. Some people know the joy of finding hope after despair, and they share it with you. Some people will walk with you as you try to find your way out of the darkness, out of the deep waters, and they will carry you when you are tired. Some people are like beacons in the night. Some people will give you permission to fall apart if need be. Some people will let you be real, as real as real can be, without any pretense, without any self-protection, and their complete and total loving acceptance of you will be like a healing balm to your soul. Some people will love you so much and so obviously that they earn the right to speak painful truth into your life, and they will do it with tears in their eyes. Some people will, with a hug and some whispered words, give you hope to sustain and encourage you for another year.

There aren't very many of those people, but I've been blessed beyond words to have found some.

Needless to say, those are the sort of people you turn to in a crisis.

And they are also the sort of people you turn to during times of joy and laughter, because they will celebrate with you like no one else will. They totally get the "rejoice with those who rejoice" part because they already have the weeping part down.

When I grow up, I want to be that sort of person.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Not your typical speaker at church

2011-07-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

I thought this was the funniest promo video for a church guest speaker I've ever seen. Let me know what you think.

My grandchild

2011-07-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my first grandchild. He/she is still in hiding. I think my daughter is the cutest pregnant person ever.

-- Posted from my iPhone

New season of life

2011-06-30T10:11:00.001-07:00

We have entered a new exciting phase as parents. Last October, Offspring #3 was married. If I have any readers left, you may remember him as Strapping Young Man. He made a handsome groom with his beautiful bride:

In January, it was Offspring #2's turn. She took my breath away.

I danced with the love of my life at the wedding reception:

Next up: grandchildren! My daughter is expecting our first. I am so looking forward to this new adventure!!

A friend of mine once said that grandchildren are the closest we get to a "do over" in life. As young, earnest parents desiring to raise godly children, too many of us -- myself definitely one -- erred too much on the side of fear, legalism, strictness, impatience, and insensitivity. As grandparents, we can shower grace, love, compassion, and understanding on the little ones in our lives. We can lavish affection and well-deserved praise. And we can be humble enough to tell our children, "This is how I should have treated you. I can't turn back the clock but please know that when I show love to your children, I'm doing those things for you too."

-- Posted from my iPhone

Keep me at thy sacred feet

2011-06-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

Pray for me...

How oft, alas! this wretched heart
Has wandered from the Lord,
How oft my roving thoughts depart,
Forgetful of His Word.

Yet sovereign mercy calls, “Return”;
Dear Lord, and may I come?
My vile ingratitude I mourn;
O take the wanderer home.

And canst Thou, wilt Thou yet forgive,
And bid my crimes remove?
And shall a pardoned rebel live
To speak Thy wondrous love?

Almighty grace, thy healing power
How glorious, how divine!
That can to bliss and life restore
So vile a heart as mine.

Thy pardoning love, so free, so sweet,
Dear Savior, I adore;
O keep me at Thy sacred feet,
And let me rove no more.

-Anne Steele

-- Posted from my iPhone

Someday...

2010-10-24T23:43:00.001-07:00

...I'll start blogging again...

-- Posted from my iPhone

Power and Control

2010-08-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

This is obviously my blog. If someone posts a comment I don't like, I can simply delete it. Because, well...it's my blog.

But here's the funny thing. Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but I don't get all power-mad and full of myself over the fact that I've got my own blog and that, in real life, I have a God-given position of authority over some people. (I'm a mother. I know it's kinda radical in some circles to claim boldly that God had given a mother any authority over her own children but...hey...I didn't make up the book of Proverbs and I don't think the verses to heed the instruction of one's mother are some sort of feminist conspiracy.)

Anyway, I needed a good laugh and I found one. Astute longterm readers of my blog (assuming I have any left) will no doubt recognize what blog I am quoting:

"You attacked me, personally--which is fine. I'm not upset. But now, submit to our rules and identify yourself with your real first and last name, plus a working e-mail. I've always identified myself, fully, and there are times we require our readers to do so, also.

Submit to authority.

And of course, I've used that word twice now because I was guessing you wouldn't."

Submit to authority??!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, my goodness!!! I am wiping away tears here!! Writing a blog gives a man authority over his readers??? Is this silly or what?

You know what? I think the power is going to my head. I insist all my women readers post lengthy comments immediately! Submit to my authority! After all, not only do I have blog authoring authority but, as an older woman, I have teaching authority as well.

Comment away. Submit to my authority!

I'm not even asking that you identify yourselves.

Hhhhmmmmm...I think this authority power-crazy stuff is more a guy thing. It just feels silly to me. Reminds me of visiting other families when i was a kid and trying to play with some little self-important budding tyrant who puffed out his puny little chest and declared, "You have to do what I say because I'm a BOY and I'm the BOSS of my backyard!"

Some little boys get bigger -- and use bigger words -- but they never grow up.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Whole lotta hammerin' goin' on

2010-06-30T11:16:00.001-07:00

And this is the result so far:

-- Posted from my iPhone

R.I.P., my furry friend

2010-06-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

Finally, another post in what has become truly a hit and miss -- far more miss than hit -- blog. This is long overdue. Not just because it's been so long since my last post, but because it's been over a month and a half since this happened.

We had a wonderful Mothers' Day weekend planned. My daughter and her boyfriend surprised me by arriving on Friday afternoon. The plan was to leave Saturday morning and drive to a tiny town (I've been told the current population is 37) out in the middle of nowhere for a bluegrass festival.

But on Friday afternoon, our dog Zeke ran away. He was gone over four hours and returned that evening, not quite acting himself. By Saturday morning, it was clear that he was very, very sick. He couldn't even keep down water. We took him to the vet and she advised us to leave him there, so she could treat his nausea, vomiting and fever, try to figure out what was going on, and do whatever else seemed necessary. We felt hopeful that he would be fine; after all, he was only four years old, and a very strong and healthy dog.

So we decided to go ahead with our weekend plans, which had been put on hold. We managed to have a good time, a really great time in fact, listening to good music and camping with friends of ours. But Zeke was on our minds the whole time, especially whenever we saw another dog.

On the drive home, once we were back in cell phone range, I got the sad message from the vet. On Saturday night, Zeke had seemed to be doing better. He hadn't thrown up again once they admitted him. The fever was gone. He was even wagging his tail and being charming. So the vet was shocked when she checked on him early Sunday morning. At first she thought he was sleeping, but he was gone.

We spent the rest of the drive home either quiet or crying. The house seemed horribly empty that night.

Zeke was a good dog. He had only three character flaws: he tended to run away; he stole food; he didn't always get along with other dogs. But he was wonderful with people and children.

We got him at the pound when he was 2 years old. He picked us, and greeted us like we were his long lost family. He was ours from that moment. He was a lab mix, with the shiniest black fur I've even seen on a dog. Even though we were adamant he was going to be an outside dog, he charmed his way indoors and was so well-mannered that we loved having him around. My husband used to share his breakfast with him every morning.

He could run like the wind. He was strong, and the boys liked to harness him to their wagon or let him pull them on their bikes. He was fun to take places. He was a wonderful family pet, the kind of dog everyone wishes for their kids.

During my worst bouts of insomnia, or after bad nightmares, he was always there for me. It was amazing how comforting he would be. He was also a great listener and extremely nonjudgmental. I can't imagine being up in the night without having him hang out with me. This is what he looked like one morning when he was trying to sleep after he'd been up with me most of the night:

I miss having him greet me with joy and delight whenever I walk in the door at night. I miss his companionship. I miss his amazing soft fur. Even though we've since added two puppies to our household, they can never replace him.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2010-05-09T23:00:00.001-07:00

Here is the answer:

-- Posted from my iPhone

It's not an easy day

2010-05-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

For too many people, Mothers' Day is tinged with sadness and disappointment, even pain. The day can be a cruel reminder that:

1. We cannot bear children and will never experience the joyous privilege of being a mother.

2. Our own mothers are no longer living, and they have left a void that cannot be filled.

3. Our mothers were nothing like a Hallmark card and left us wounded and scarred.

4. Our husbands do not honor us as the mothers of their children. In fact, they barely appreciate us in this role.

5. Our children do not rise up and call us blessed. We may have lost a child to death or rebellion. We may have children who are struggling.

So we sit through the annual pat on the back at church, a sermon that also points out how much we fail to live up to the Proverbs 31 woman we are supposed to be. We feel ashamed of our grief and hide it away.

If this day is like that for you, know that God is faithful. People may and will disappoint, but He longs to comfort you...even as a loving mother comforts her children.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Bluegrass Festival

2010-05-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

My husband wearing his hat, a very special young man, a sweet family friend, and my beautiful daughter listening to some great bluegrass music.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Making all things new

2010-04-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

Out with the old...in with the new...there are so many times that I've really longed for that in my life.

On Good Friday, we watched Mel Gibson's "The Passion". One of the things that struck my husband is when the character of Jesus tells his mother, "Behold, I make all things new." That statement is true on so many profound levels that one could spend a lifetime plumbing its theological depths.

But sometimes it is the simple things that touch the deepest. It's easy to get into a rut...to get bogged down with daily life...to be overcome by the cares of the world. That is our human condition. Sometimes it gets more serious than that. Tragedy hits. We experience unspeakable pain and suffering. Or we battle an ongoing affliction that is never-ending. People hurt us. Our deeply unbearable wounds overwhelm and cripple us, even those that should be long scarred over.

We try our hardest. Or we don't. Somehow we put one foot in front of the other, and life goes on. It's hard to maintain hope. Everything seems a bit bleak. Our hope is that maybe things will get better somehow...that conditions will change...that healing will come...or, if all else fails, we have Heaven to look forward to.

And then, God does something. Out of the blue. A simple thing. And then another. And another. And these simple things happen when we least expect them, and they turn into an amazing bunch of coincidences that all come together. We wonder if there is some sort of wonderful conspiracy, because it seems as if so many different people are in on it.

Simple, everyday stuff. A hug. A whisper of encouragement in my ear, urging me to stay the course. A text message with an urgent prayer request. A couple apps on my iPhone. A hymn. A prayer. A few verses in the Bible. Who knew how all that would come together?

He makes all things new. All things.

And it's springtime.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Easter in the Midst of Grief

2010-04-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

I wrote this back in 1990, to be published in a church devotional booklet. I posted it here on my blog before, but felt the urge to repost it this year:

Easter...it has held a new, triumphant meaning for me since I discovered that you can't really celebrate the victory of Easter without being devastated by Good Friday; one is meaningless without the other. When I was 19 years old, my beloved Opa died, my mother's father, a man who had completely opened his heart to me and captured mine in the process. Even when he was a continent away, I felt his love.

A brutal, painful heart attack took his life not long after he had celebrated his fiftieth wedding anniversary. My mother, who had the privilege of being with him when he went home, told me his last words were a prayer of praise, ending, "Jesus is the victor! Hallelujah! Amen."

Grief is far more than emotional. It is a pain so intense that it is physical, devastating, exhausting, all consuming.

Easter came in the early days of our grieving. My mother and I stood together in church, singing the familiar Easter hymns, tears flowing down our faces. It was then that Easter became real to me--truly real--dynamic and immediate rather than historic. I was amazed that my heart could be simultaneously filled with such great joy and such aching sorrow.

Someday I too will be snatched out of this life. Someday I will stand before my Savior, along with all the saints who have gone before, and I will shout with my Opa, "Jesus is the victor! Hallelujah! Amen."

That is what I celebrate at Easter.

[This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice on the bottom of this page. Thank you.]

-- Posted from my iPhone while on the road...oh, the marvels of modern technology!

Road Trip

2010-03-24T17:40:00.001-07:00

This is the view from the car. And no, I'm not the one driving.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Coming out

2010-03-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

NO, not that sort of coming out! Keep reading!!

Just today I read a blog post, which linked to several others, which in turn linked to yet others, which made me do some Google searches...and I discovered there is a mini-trend of women bloggers "coming out as plus-sized". Most who have "come out" are then inundated with adoring comments from fans along the lines of "What courage!" and "Now I love you even more!" and "You are so beautiful inside and out!" and even "[expletive deleted] anyone who is smaller than a size 12!" There are plenty of "Real women have curves" type remarks and diatribes against any woman who "exercises too much", is "too skinny", dares suggest that obesity might be linked to health problems, or -- even worse -- has the audacity to suggest that lack of exercise and/or overeating might contribute to obesity in any way.

A plus-sized woman is applauded when she says, "I feel great about my size!" I remember the actress (but have blanked on her name) who exclaimed, "This is for all the fat girls!" when she accepted her Emmy award some years back. The crowd went wild! Everyone loved it! I think people would have been appalled, disgusted, and outraged if someone the size of Calista Flockhart would have enthused, "This is for all the skinny girls!" upon receiving an award. There would have been no end to denouncing such a woman as being unhealthy, both physically and mentally, and contributing to the eating disorders of impressionable young girls.

So I'm coming out. I am not plus-sized, but any stretch of the imagination. I am one of those women that "mommy bloggers" love to hate: right this moment, at the age of almost 52, I am wearing junior size 5 jeans. This is 12 years after giving birth to the last of my six children. I doubt that any of my three readers will gush, "Now I love you even more!" but I refuse to be ashamed of my size. Not any more.

I am a real woman. I think that carrying six children to term and breastfeeding them for over a year each -- and having them thrive on the milk my "inadequate" body produced -- more than qualifies me for real woman status, no matter what curves I may be lacking. I do not apologize for not being plus-sized, nor do I apologize for not even wanting to be plus-sized.

Sigh. I know. I'm supposed to be worried that my words might be construed as being "size-ist" and "intolerant", and completely lacking in "fat acceptance". I should instead be an "advocate for plus-sized women". I should drop my head in shame and apologize to people, "I can't help it that I'm thin. Really. I eat twice as much as you, but I can't gain weight no matter how hard I try." But, you know what? That is simply not true.

The truth is: I exercise. Not fanatically, not three hours each day, not even consistently as much as I should to maintain the best health (e.g., the recommended 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise each day plus strength training to maintain muscle mass and healthy bones at my age). Most days, I don't overindulge my appetite. I don't bake as a hobby and don't consume frequent desserts. The type of food I have grown to enjoy the most is relatively low fat and free of rich, creamy sauces.

Here is the most shocking admonition of all: I prefer being the size I am right now. I have weighed more in the past, but I feel better at this weight -- and I actually think that I look better. So does my husband. (I don't carry my fat well. I'm not one of those women who "gains all over" and looks voluptuous. The more weight I gain, the more disproportionately pear-shaped I become.)

So, yeah. I'm wearing skinny jeans. My size 6 pants are now too big for me. A lot of people think that is disgusting and would no doubt assume I have some sort of eating disorder or mental condition. I'm sure some moms would rather their daughters not read my blog -- and I may even lose some of those mothers as readers.

But...if it's a wonderful thing to come out as "fat" or "plus-sized", why not as slim? Instead of asking, "Can I please be fat?" I'm asking, "Can I please be thin?"

I'm certainly not expecting the sort of applause my plus-sized sister bloggers have received. All I'm asking for is a little "healthy weight for my frame acceptance" or even -- dare I say it? -- "thin acceptance".

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Setting the record straight

2009-12-29T14:33:00.000-08:00

As a martial arts and self-defense instructor, I am continually surprised at a number of the myths that people present as facts.

One of the newer myths that some men are attempting to perpetuate, without any sort of proof (because there is none) is that women are just as violent as men, and that women abuse their spouses as often or more often than men do. I just ran across this on the Bayly Blog:

The violence and victims literature tells us women are every bit as violent as men, and lesbian couples are the most violent of all. Even when asked to report on prior heterosexual relationships, lesbians report their present homosexual relationship to be more violent than any prior heterosexual relationship.

No footnotes, of course.

A quick Google search turned up the following:

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, between 1998 and 2002:

Of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members, 49% of these were crimes against spouses.
84% of spouse abuse victims were females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abuse at were female.
Males were 83% of spouse murderers and 75% of dating partner murderers
50% of offenders in state prison for spousal abuse had killed their victims. Wives were more likely than husbands to be killed by their spouses: wives were about half of all spouses in the population in 2002, but 81% of all persons killed by their spouse.
Matthew R. Durose et al., U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 207846, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Family Violence Statistics: Including Statistics on Strangers and Acquaintances, at 31-32 (2005), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/fvs.pdf

In a 1995-1996 study conducted in the 50 States and the District of Columbia, nearly 25% of women and 7.6% of men were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or dating partner/acquaintance at some time in their lifetime (based on survey of 16,000 participants, equally male and female).

Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 181867, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, at iii (2000), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/181867.htm

Sexual Assault According to the National Violence Against Women Survey:

Women are more likely to be victims of sexual violence than men: 78% of the victims of rape and sexual assault are women and 22% are men.
Most perpetrators of sexual violence are men. Among acts of sexual violence committed against women since the age of 18, 100% of rapes, 92% of physical assaults, and 97% of stalking acts were perpetrated by men. Sexual violence against men is also mainly male violence: 70% of rapes, 86% of physical assaults, and 65% of stalking acts were perpetrated by men.
In 8 out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows the perpetrator. Of people who report sexual violence, 64% of women and 16% of men were raped, physically assaulted, or stalked by an intimate partner. This includes a current or former spouse, cohabitating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, or date.
Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 183781, Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at iv (2000), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/183781.htm

Another national survey found that 34% of women were victims of sexual coercion by a husband or intimate partner in their lifetime.

Kathleen C. Basile, Prevalence of Wife Rape and Other Intimate Partner Sexual Coercion in a Nationally Representative Sample of Women, 17 Violence and Victims 511 (2002).

The National Women's Study, a three-year longitudinal study of a national probability sample of 4,008 adult women (2,008 of whom represent a cross section of all adult women and 2,000 of whom are an over sample of younger women between the ages of 18 and 34), found:

13% of adult women had been victims of completed rape during their lifetime
22% of rape victims were assaulted by someone they had never seen before or did not know well.
9% of victims were raped by husbands or ex-husbands.
11% were raped by fathers or stepfathers.
10% were raped by boyfriends or ex-boyfriends.
16% were raped by other relatives.
29% were raped by other non-relatives, such as friends and neighbors.
See Dean G. Kilpatrick et al., Rape in America: A Report to the Nation (1992); Heidi S. Resnick et al., Prevalence of Civilian Trauma and PTSD in a Representative National Sample of Women, 61 J. of Consulting and Clinical Psychol. 984 (1993); Dean G. Kilpatrick et al., A 2-Year Longitudinal Analysis of the Relationship Between Violent Assault and Substance Use in Women, 65 J. of Consulting and Clinical Psychol. 834 (1997); Kilpatrick et al., Rape, Other Violence Against Women, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Critical Issues in Assessing the Adversity-Stress-Psychopathology Relationship, in Adversity, Stress, & Psychopathology 161-176 (Bruce P. Dohrenwend ed., 1998); Dean G. Kilpatrick, Rape and Sexual Assault, Aug. 7, 2006, http://www.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/sa.shtml

11% of lesbians reported violence by their female partner and 15% of gay men who had lived with a male partner reported being victimized by a male partner.

Patricia Tjaden, Symposium on Integrating Responses to Domestic Violence: Extent and Nature of Intimate Partner Violence as measured by the National Violence Against Women Survey, 47 Loy. L. Rev. 41, 54 (2003).

One survey found that same-sex cohabitants reported significantly more intimate partner violence than did opposite-sex cohabitants. Among women, 39.2% of the same-sex cohabitants and 21.7 of the opposite- sex cohabitants reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by a marital/cohabiting partner at some time in their lifetime.

Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 181867, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at 30 (2000), available at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/181867.htm

15.4% of same-sex cohabiting men reported being raped, physically assaulted and/or stalked by a male partner, but 10.8% reported such violence by a female partner.

Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 181867, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at 30 (2000), available at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/181867.htm

Physical Injury and Medical Treatment

The U.S. Department of Justice reported that 37% of all women who sought care in hospital emergency rooms for violence-related injuries were injured by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend.

Michael R. Rand, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 156921, Violence-Related Injuries Treated in Hospital Emergency Departments, (1997) available at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/ascii/vrithed.txt

Women are significantly more likely than men to be injured during an assault: 31.5% of female rape victims, compared with 16.1% of male rape victims, reported being injured during their most recent rape, and 39-42% percent of female physical assault victims, compared with 20-25% of male physical assault victims, reported being injured during their most recent physical assault.
35.6% of the women injured during their most recent rape and 30.2% of the women injured during their most recent physical assault received medical treatment. Approximately 21.5% of male victims of intimate partner physical assaults that resulted in an injury sought medical treatment.

Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 183781, Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at iv (2000) available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/183781.htm; Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 181867, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at iv (2000), available at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/181867.htm

Ninety-two percent of women who were physically abused by their partners did not discuss these incidents with their physicians; 57% did not discuss the incidents with anyone. Additionally, in four different studies of survivors of abuse, 70% to 81% of the patients studied reported that they would like their healthcare providers to ask them privately about intimate partner violence.

Panagiota V. Caralis & Regina Musialowski, Women's Experiences with Domestic Violence and Their Attitudes and Expectations Regarding Medical Care of Abuse Victims, 90 S. Med. J. 1075 (1997); Jeanne McCauley et al., Inside 'Pandora's Box': Abused Women's Experiences with Clinicians and Health Services, 13 Archives of Internal Med. 549 (1998); Lawrence S. Friedman et al., Inquiry About Victimization Experiences: A Survey of Patient Preferences and Physician Practices, 152 Archives of Internal Med. (1992); Michael Rodriguez et al., Breaking the Silence: Battered Women's Perspectives on Medical Care, 5 Archives of Fam. Med. 153 (1996).

From: "Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998"

Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend each year to 4 million women who are physically abused by their husbands or live-in partners each year.
While women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.
Violence by an intimate partner accounts for about 21% of violent crime experienced by women and about 2 % of the violence experienced by men.
31,260 women were murdered by an intimate from 1976-1996.
Females accounted for 39% of the hospital emergency department visits for violence-related injuries in 1994 but 84% of the persons treated for injuries inflicted by intimates.

Over 500,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year.

5.3 million women are abused each year.

1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women.

Women are more likely to be attacked by someone they know rather than by a stranger.

[from the American Institute on Domestic Violence]

I have no idea what "violence and victims literature" Tim Bayly is referring to, since he does not actually cite any, but this unnamed "literature" cannot be credible if it contradicts the most reliable sources.

As for the article referenced in the Bayly Blog: What sort of man, instead of calling the police, instead of leaving his wife, would sign "a contract with his wife that entitles her to attack him once a week"? Why not sign a contract that entitling him to live free of attack from her? Why not go to her kung fu sifu and demand that she not be allowed to misuse her martial arts? Something about this story is very fishy indeed...almost as fishy as the unsubstantiated statements Tim Bayly makes about domestic violence.

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Speaking the truth in love

2009-12-29T14:14:00.001-08:00

Seem familiar?

All will be well

2009-12-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday and today, I viewed two different videos with poignantly beautiful messages. If I were to combine the themes of both together, it would be this: our Father God wants to tell each one of us, as He carries us through our personal storms, "I love you...we're going to make it...I know the way home...surrender...surrender and let me carry you...all will be well!"

My friend Mike knew that. He would talk to me of surrender and brokenness...of his "Precious Saviour"...of grace...ah, grace!...and of glorious freedom, not just freedom FROM but freedom TO...and always he would hammer home truth, truth, truth...and how beautiful and wonderful that truth is!

That's why, at the end of his life, Mike could be so calm and could even joke. He was that sure. As he had told me at least once, "I'm a nobody...but I know Somebody." And Mike knew -- he knew with every brain cell of his vast intellect and every fiber of his very being -- that it was grace, all grace. Salvation? All grace! Sanctification? All grace! Anything at all good in us? All grace! Our eternal hope? Grace upon grace!

That is what Mike taught: grace, grace, grace. It is what he lived and breathed. It is what will be sung at his memorial service. It is grace that took Mike home, into the very arms of his Precious Saviour.

I know that all is now well for the man who considered himself a big brother to a number of us. All is well...and someday all will be well for us too.

Enjoy Jesus, Mike, enjoy Jesus.

See you forever.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Just a nobody from Texas

2009-12-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

That's what he would call himself. When I met him online, he was pastoring a tiny little church in some little Texas town. But he was one of the smartest men I know, with a mind that would never forget anything.

The first few things I found out about him is that he loved Jesus, loved his family, loved teaching, had a special place in his heart for mothers and babies, and was hilarously funny. Eventually I found out he had put together a lengthy series of lessons from the Bible dealing with a certain topic in a way that infuriated me, scared me...and then set me free from a lifestyle and church that was sucking my soul -- and the souls of my family -- dry.

It sounds trite and corny, but this man changed my life. Sometimes I'd tease him that he ruined my life. I'd say, "Here I was, happily living a life of crushing rules and regulations that I kept failing at, until you came along and ruined my life with all your talk of grace, freedom, and joy."

I only met him once in person, but it was one of those unforgettable visits that our family still talks about, over a decade later. He and his wife became "Uncle Mike and Aunt Marilyn" to our family. We fell in love with their adorable baby boy. We spent a lot of time talking and laughing. They felt like long lost family.

Just a little bit ago I got the news: "Mike has been promoted to Heaven." I can't help but think that Jesus greeted him with the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter now into the joy of your rest."

-- Posted from my iPhone

Prayer Request

2009-12-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

If you've read any of my "Fall to Grace" posts, you know about the pastor from Texas who sent me his lesson series on law and grace. A few of you know him as well.

Right now, this special man, who referred to himself as "just a nobody from Texas" needs your prayers, as does his wonderful family. Please hold them up before the Throne of Grace.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Yes, it's been a loooooong time

2009-10-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

A quick update...

1. My husband's health is much, much better. Despite the surgeon's ominous prediction that there would be no return of pituitary function, he now has almost full function. The endocrine system is doing great, except for a slightly sluggish thyroid. This is a huge answer to prayer, and I am thankful for all of you who prayed for us.

2. Life has been busy. At times it has been both sad and stressful. I wrote, months ago, about "deep waters". While the waters are not quite as deep as they were, and we're not spending as much time in them, they're not exactly shallow yet either.

3. We are part of a wonderful fellowship of believers. I can't begin to describe what a blessing they has been. Did I mention that these people are wonderful?

4. Life has not been all stress and work. We've carved out time for fun and relaxation too, and made some hilarious family memories...and a few are even captured on video.

5. Coffee is good. Still. Always. That is yet again proof that the natural order of the universe is still intact.

6. I saved the best for last: Offspring #3 (aka, "the strapping young man") is ENGAGED!! But it gets even better. He's not just engaged to anyone; he's engaged to a terrific young woman that people can't seem to say enough good things about. We love her! Is that cool or what?

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Happy Birthday, Youngest Child!

2009-05-25T09:41:00.001-07:00

Great news! It looks like half my children will be coffee drinkers. Youngest enjoyed his first coffee, a mocha from my favorite coffee place. He even liked my capuccino.

What a wonderful guy. Hard to believe my baby is 12.

-- Post From My iPhone

She lives to post again

2009-05-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes real life has a way of interfering with life on the internet. There's been a lot of that going around lately.

And sometimes it seems as if there is nothing much to say. And there's been a lot of that lately too.

I'm hoping that, on the other side of all this stuff going on, that maybe I'll have a whole slew of posts about how, yes, His grip on me really was way, way stronger and more sure than my grip on Him. And maybe I'll even be able to share a little bit of what that looked like.

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Humor?

2009-04-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

Offspring #3, aka "strapping young man": Don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think there is something a little bit funny about a brain tumor? [He prefers to refer to refer to my husband's pituitary tumor as a brain tumor, for the sake of drama.]

Husband [in deadpan voice]: No, I don't think it's a little bit funny...I think it's hilarious!

You would have had to have been there. My husband's timing and delivery was classic.

Apologies to all those who are dealing with real, serious brain tumors. No, they aren't funny. (Although we'll never forget the woman in our church who, after having a large cancerous tumor removed from her brain, lettered "This space for rent" on her bandage.) I suppose it's not surprising that our children have been infected with our oddball senses of humor, and with our tendency to react to things with semi-morbid attempts at joking.

Me: I'm sure you can understand why your father forgot your weekend plans.

Same Offspring: That's OK. He has an excuse --- he has a brain tumor.

Or then there was this...

Husband [after viewing his MRI]: That tumor looked huge compared to the brain.

Me: Well, yes, compared to your brain!

Some people might think this sort of joking is inappropriate, insensitive, and a form of denial. But, in our defense, it can be good medicine.

Our tears and fears are bonding us closer as a family, but so is our laughter.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

In sickness and in health

2009-04-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

Last October, my husband came down with a bad sinus infection that he just couldn't seem to shake. Doctors prescribed antibiotics in increasing strength. We tried to figure out what was going on in my husband's body that had compromised his immune system to such a degree, and that was rendering him weaker and weaker by the days. He was gripped with extreme fatigue and only his willpower, determination, and incredible work ethic enabled him to drag himself to work. Evenings, he would come home and collapse on the couch or in bed.

We tried this treatment and that. Sought an assortment of specialists in and out of mainstream medicine.

To make a long story short, we now have a diagnosis: panhypopituitarism due to a pituitary adenoma. What this means is that a rather large benign tumor has squished my husband's pituitary gland to the point that it is pretty much failing to function...which means the endocrine system is following suit.

On April 9, a skilled neurosurgeon will remove the tumor. We'd like to hope that pituitary function will return, but he has told us that this is not likely.

Through this trial, I have grown to respect and admire my husband all the more. We have actually managed, despite his exhaustion and health problems, to enjoy each other's company. In many ways, we are closer than ever. We have even found lots of things to laugh about.

Our family has faced another trial as well. As a friend of mine used to say dramtically, "we have been passing through deep waters". We have not quite yet reached the shore. It may take a long, long while.

God is faithful. Amazingly so. In extremely tangible and practical ways, as well as in secret ways that only one's heart can know.

All that stuff about Jesus never leaving us nor forsaking us, about His being made strong through our weakness, about those who wait upon the Lord renewing their strength? It's all true. More than I could have ever hoped.

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Is my faith a crutch?

2009-03-27T07:33:00.001-07:00

Could be. Lately I've been limping pretty bad. In fact, the times I thought I was walking OK, I suspect it was really Jesus carrying me.

-- Post From My iPhone

A broken & contrite heart

2009-03-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's easy to be transparent...up to a point. It's not that hard to 'fess up to things that others already know about us.

But the hidden stuff we don't want to admit even to ourselves? Not so easy. Everything inside balks at real confession. We are too afraid, too stubborn, too prideful, too selfish, too full of deceit to want to agree with God over the depth of our sinfulness.

To do so would break us. Utterly and completely. We fear that shattering, find it unnecessary, and prefer to minimize and rationalize our sin.

But we have the assurance that our God will not despise a broken and contrite heart. It is only through seemingly irrepairable brokenness and grief, and the lowliest humility that accompanies such despair, that we can ever become truly whole.

Only when we reach the utter end of ourselves will we be able to truly rejoice in the amazing scandal of grace.

-- Post From My iPhone

Long overdue update

2009-03-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been a long time since I've posted. Here's just a little of what's been going on:

1. I still drink coffee.

2. We've been going through some...er...interesting times in our family.

3. Jesus truly is Lord...and a faithful Friend like no other. He keeps His promise to never leave us nor forsake us.

4. My marriage is all the more precious to me during some current rough times, especially as my husband has had a season of ill health.

5. I still teach martial arts.

6. Mothering doesn't become easier when the children leave home. It's different, less hands on, but sometimes more heartbreaking.

7. Twitter can take up a lot of time, but it's also a great way to follow current events, trends, etc.

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More weighty misconceptions

2009-01-14T05:47:00.000-08:00

Here are a few other things I hear too often when the subject is fitness or weight loss:

1. The only reason women go to the gym is because they are vain. And that's sinful! Actually, I've asked a lot of women why they work out at the gym. And here's just some of the reasons we've come up with among ourselves, in no particular order:

part of physical therapy after injury
doctor's orders
to prevent and/or treat osteoporosis
as a preventative measure or treatment for other health conditions
stress relief
husband insists on it
need the increased energy level it brings
had to improve my fitness level in order to keep up with my children & their activities
to set an example of health & fitness for my children
weight loss
in order to be better able to fulfill job requirements
friends thought this was a healthier way to hang out than just eating & shopping
to maintain health in old age
to have a healthier pregnancy, labor, and birth
so I won't be as much of a burden to my family in my old age
helps me sleep much better at night
to maintain good heart health
fun activity to do with my husband
thought I'd try out the free trial membership and was surprised how much better I felt
to cope with the pain of arthritis
to deal with lower back pain
friend invited me
singing coach suggested it to improve my posture and breathing
other types of exercise I tried (biking, jogging, etc.) made my asthma worse
to experience the health benefits of a good cardio workout coupled with weight-bearing exercise
to prevent muscle atrophy and/or bone loss that most women suffer at my age
when I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes, it shook me up enough to join the gym
children pleaded with me to do something to improve my health
mother nagged me to start exercising
to fit in a smaller dress size for some special upcoming event

Sure, some of those, like the last one, could be thought of as a sign of vanity. (Although the last one could be sentimentality or a desire to please one's husband. I know several women whose husbands begged them to wear a long outgrown special dress --- sometimes even their wedding gown --- for a special anniversary or event.)

I'm 50 years old. I've had six children, which has taken a heavy toll on a body that was not that great looking to begin with. When we were engaged, my husband told me that I was certainly not beautiful or pretty and that the best thing he could say about me was that I was "kind of cute". Since then, whatever bit of cute I may have had has long since faded. The best you could probably say about me now is that I'm not significantly overweight and I look younger than 50. [Edited to add: my family disagrees with this assessment. My boys think I'm beautiful and my husband says I've actually grown better looking which each year. I was told to add their opinions, biased by love though they may be.] But I have no delusions that there is any workout on the planet that will put in what God left out or undo all the damages of pregnancy and aging.

Vanity would have never gotten me out of a warm bed on cold, dark mornings and to the gym at 4:30 in the morning, so that I would be back home again before my children got up. Anyone who has ever seen me would hardly accuse me of vanity; if anything, I've been accused of not caring enough about my appearance. (My husband is pleased that finally, after all these years, I have an actual hairstyle and, most days, manage to tame the unruly curls and the unkempt-looking "wildness".)

What keeps me exercising: I've discovered the enormous benefits in terms of improved health and increased energy, and that's something that a low-energy type like me really desperately needs. I'm also working hard to prevent/manage the inevitable osteoporosis that I am at extremely high risk for. Although it's mostly God's grace, I also credit my fitness/eating habits with the fact that, although all the women in my family develop diabetes in their 40's, I have avoided it so far. The bottom line is that I've been unfit and I've been relatively fit. Knowing what I do, why would I possibly go back? Why would I treat the body God has given me with such shabbiness? I'm looking forward to being a grandmother and, since I'm already older than my friends were when they became grandmothers, I've been able to benefit from the wonderful examples they've been setting. And you know what? I want to be as healthy and in as good a shape as possible to be a blessing to those grandbabies when they come...and I've probably got a few more years to wait!

Vanity? I've discovered that the really vain women usually aren't the ones working out very hard. They are too reluctant to sweat, get out of breath, or do anything that doesn't look girly, dainty, or sexy.

2. Gluttony isn't the worst sin. Actually, that's true. In fact, we could make a case for saying that about every sin except for blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. But since when should we excuse our sins in this way? "There are worse sins than indulging my sexual appetites." "There are worse sins than constant drunkenness." "There are worse sins than selfishness and pride." "There are worse sins than knocking you unconscious right now."

3. So I eat when I'm stressed. You should be happy I don't use drugs or kill someone. This reminds me of a teenage boy I knew years ago. Whenever he would get caught disobeying his parents, he would tell them, "You should be happy I'm not doing drugs." They were happy that his rebellion was relatively mild, and they began to ask themselves if possibly they were being too hard on him and expecting too much. I was barely out of my teens myself, but I suggested they consider not allowing him to do something he really wanted to do and then, when he protested, saying, "You should be happy we don't beat and abuse you." He was a very stubborn boy, and they had to repeat this a time or two before he learned his lesson and quit the ridiculous "you should be happy..." excuse for his disobedience.

4. Well, I don't care what you say. I'm proud that I'm fat. Look at my belly! Read all these amusing quotes and poems and stories about how wonderful it is to be fat! Hey, this is for all the fat people!! Uh, OK, whatever floats your boat. Just don't expect me to join you in your gluttony and lack of exercise. I'm more concerned about my health, while it sounds like you're all about your appearance.

Just do me a favor. Extend the same sort of grace to those who are not as fat as you would like everyone to be. I spent half my life --- all my formative years --- as a skinny person. I know that if I had ever dared say, "I'm proud that I'm skinny. Look at my completely flat, even concave, belly! It's wonderful to be skinny! Hey, this is for all the skinny people!" ... well, I would never have heard the end of angry, ugly, mean, tormenting remarks. I heard enough of them anyway.

Please remember something. Being fat doesn't make you more human. It doesn't make you more godly or more wonderful or more attractive (at least not in everyone's eyes) or more sensible or more humble or more theologically correct. It doesn't even make you more of a woman. (If birthing and breastfeeding six thriving healthy children doesn't gain me access into the "woman club", I don't know what should.) Proverbs 31 doesn't say the virtuous woman has to be fat, so why should you claim that your body type is God's standard of feminity?

In defense of skinny people: some are not skinny by choice. I was one of them. Even as a practicing glutton, I remained skinny. Others discover that living a healthy lifestyle means they will always be lean. If you expect people to love your fatness, embrace it, admire it, never breathe a word of criticism against it --- can't you do the same for your skinny brothers and sisters? Or are only fat people allowed to be content about --- even thankful for --- their size and appearance?

And, finally, a warning: Please don't make your being overweight a source of pride. What will you do if illness strips those pounds from you and makes you look like the people you so disdain?

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Common misconceptions about weight

2009-01-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

Whenever the topic of weight loss or gluttony or obesity or related issues comes up, it seems that there is always someone, or several someones, in the group who try to derail the conversation from being about healthy living, the benefits of exercise, the obesity health crisis, the sin of gluttony, or whatever, and turn it into an excuse as to why we should not be concerned with any of those matters. Here are some typical misinformed statements that I've grown weary of hearing trotted out again and again. I've worded them a bit more dramatically and amusingly than they usually are, just to keep the boredom at bay.

1. People are getting thinner and thinner and it's unhealthy! People have no idea what a real woman or real man is supposed to look like! Sorry, but no. Read this. It turns out the exact opposite is true. Yes, Americans are getting taller, but their weight gain is way out of proportion. Quite alarming.

2. Marilyn Monroe, that epitome of female beauty and all that is feminine and wonderful, that woman who should be every woman's role model, would be considered fat by today's ridiculous standards. Why, she wore a dress size 16! We know she was 5' 5 1/2" tall and that her weight ranged from 118 - 140. Hardly fat by today's standards. In 2002, the average American woman was 5' 4" and weighed 164.3 pounds, which makes Marilyn Monroe quite slender, if not downright skinny, in comparison. As for the dress size myth, read this.

3. It only takes a few more calories over the course of a person's lifetime to make him obese. Why, all he needs to do is eat two bites of a sandwich more than some skinny guy. That's hardly gluttony. Usually there is some goofy math involved here, like the one guy whose arithmetic assumed a man was born at his full adult weight and then gained only 50 pounds over his 50 years of life. Yeah, right. The sad truth is that gluttons often have no idea how much they really eat, or how horribly much more food that is than normal, healthy people eat, or how horribly much more food it is than they really need. I know...from sad personal experience.

4. Just because I don't want to control my eating and don't want to exercise and don't want to do anything to improve my health doesn't mean I'm lazy! You have no idea how busy I am! To that, I have three replies, in the form of anecdotes...

Anecdote 1. I attended college while still living at home. During the beginning of my first quarter, when I was trying to get used to the heavy study load and had just finished a long day filled with hours of math, even more hours writing a paper, and way too much time reading dusty journal articles, my mother appeared at my side with a to-do list involving what looked like about three hours of heavy (and I mean HEAVY!) housework. I wanted nothing more than to fall into bed.

"Do I have to do this?" I whined. "I've been studying all day."

"College is no excuse for laziness," my wise mother rebuked me.

"Laziness?! But I've been working hard and I'm exhausted."

"No," she replied. "You have not been working hard. You have been sitting at a desk all day. That is not hard work. Your brain may be tired. Your body is not. In fact, you are really feeling sluggish from all that inactivity. My father always made sure we worked hard after we had studied, so that we wouldn't become lazy and weak."

Valuable lesson learned: studying and sedentary jobs aren't hard work. They may be challenging or stressful or mentally strenuous but they are not hard work. One can study for hours, get good grades, and still be a lazy bum.

Anecdote 2. This also took place during my college days, when I was working at a large automotive dealership. Once I happened to mention to my boss that the other man who shared our office space was a hard worker. "Hank?!" my boss laughed. "He's the laziest guy I know!"

"But," I protested, "he's always rushing around. He's so busy!"

My boss asked, "Have you ever actually seen him do any work?"

I thought long and hard. No, I hadn't. I'd seen him carry around a clipboard, take a personal call in the office now and then, talk to the drivers who brought in their trucks, but...

"You know why he's so busy? It's how he avoids work. But, since he looks so busy all the time, management isn't on to the fact that he isn't really doing anything productive." My boss described a phenomena I would later be much better able to recognize.

Valuable lessons learned: busy people aren't necessarily hard working people. Being busy doesn't mean I'm working hard or accomplishing anything. It just means I'm busy...maybe to avoid real work?

Anecdote 3. This took place in more recent history, during an outing involving a number of mothers and children of all ages. Most of the mothers were somewhat overweight, with a few obese women in the group. My oldest son pointed out to me later that it was somewhat amusing that the thinner women had been the most active, picking fruit, playing with their children and walking around, while the most overweight of the women found a place to sit and stayed there the entire time, just talking. During lunch time, my son (always observant) noticed that there was a significant difference between the lunches we brought. Those of us who were more active also brought healthier lunches, with far less empty calories.

As we were all talking after lunch, the topic somehow turned to exercise. One of the obese women said very proudly that the most exercise she got was walking to her mailbox once every few days, and she made it clear that this could hardly be considered a "walk". Women who exercise, she told us pointedly, were idiots. Another, who referred to herself as "fluffy", said she hadn't broken a sweat in years and had no intention to ever do so again. This amazed me. When I asked her how she avoided sweating, it became clear that she never did any gardening or yard work, no exercise, and only the lightest housework. She made it clear that any woman who worked hard was quite unfeminine.

This sort of thing, though it seemed extreme, has been played out in other groups, among other women...the poor food choices, the lethargy, the rudeness and defensiveness upon observing those living a healthier lifestyle.

Lesson learned: I'm still puzzling out the which came first question. Did these women become obese because of their poor eating habits and laziness? It would seem so. Or did they become even more lazy because of their obesity? Could be.

I believe that we were meant to work hard. In today's world, for most of us, there is less and less hard work for us to do. We're all in danger of becoming soft and lazy. Recently some of my women friends were laughing about how their great-grandmothers would have found it ridiculous that they paid good money to go work out at the gym. Why not plant some crops? Toss bales of hay into a wagon all day? Put up heavy storm windows? Isn't that work enough?

Seems most of us have lost the opportunity to do hard work...and we need to replace it, at the very least, with hard exercise. Unfortunately, too many of us are too lazy to do so. It's much easier to sit and indulge ourselves with our favorite foods, while pretending anyone who suggests we do otherwise is the one with the problem --- and getting annoyed if anyone suggests that obesity is, in most cases, caused by eating too much and doing too little.

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Assumptions of gluttony

2009-01-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

Read previous post for context.

Even though, in most cases, obesity can be prevented or reversed by healthy eating and by exercise or physical work, I think it is wrong to assume, just by looking at an obese person, that he is a lazy glutton, given to excess eating and inactivity.

If we don't know this person, we will most likely be entirely right about what made him obese in the first place, but we shouldn't assume that he has not already repented from this lifestyle. For example, take the picture that started the obesity discussion on the Bayly Blog. It's impossible to ignore that the man on the right is quite obese and seems pleased, even proud of the fact. He seems delighted to point out his resemblance to a pregnant woman. His condition --- which would be alarming if we had not already become so used to seeing obese men in our culture --- has gone way beyond a "few extra pounds" or a "little flab around the middle" that we might be able to blame on stress or joyous feasting with family over the holidays. His situation, like that of way too many others, is far more grave and serious than that.

However, it is wrong, if we don't know this man and his history, to assume that he is currently still overeating and not exercising and/or working enough. When we see people in his condition, we don't always know what they were like some months back. For instance, I recently met a woman who is obese but who is also, at least for the past six months or so, one of the hardest working, most sensible eaters I've ever met. No one would guess it to look at her --- unless they had seen what she looked like six months ago.

In our culture, we often get criticized for making assumptions based on people's appearances. To some extent, it can be wrong, judgmental, and prejudicial. But, in other cases, we do it all the time. One of my sons, for example, is a very hard worker. It is obvious to almost everyone who meets him. His body is that of a man well experienced with good, old-fashioned, masculine labor. No one with a lick of sense could look at him and wrongly assume him to be some sort of typical teenager huddled in his room playing video games all day. In fact, people who meet him often ask me, "What kind of work does he do?" and then they nod, with an "Of course!" when they hear my answer.

I teach martial arts. When people walk into the dojo, I'm usually not surprised to discover, once they join our class, how well they can or can't handle the physical effort required, or how willing they are to work hard. Hard work and exercise has an entirely different impact on our bodies --- and their appearance --- than does a soft, easy lifestyle involving minimal effort. As one of my students asked me early on, "If I was already working hard, do you think I would look like this?"

One of the things I like about what I do is that I get to see formerly self-described lazy people "get off their duff" and leave their sedentary ways behind. Although I don't stress nutrition as much as I probably should, it's always rewarding to see my students realize that, if they are going to work hard, they need to start giving their bodies healthier "fuel".

Hard work has a way of transforming us.

In all my life, I've never met one obese person who got that way while eating sensibly and working hard. Gluttony and laziness were significant lifestyle factors, which the more candid and forthright ones readily admitted.

I believe that God designed our bodies for hard work. Male bodies, especially, are designed for streneous physical labor. Those masculine muscles were put there for a purpose. What is sad to me is that too many men in our culture have become soft, indulgent, and lazy. Even worse, they are unashamed of this, and try to act as if it is the way that men should be.

Some time back, I hard an overweight young guy criticize his girlfriend for putting on some weight. "Girls are supposed to be skinny," he said, "and guys are supposed to be big." Big being, of course, a polite way of saying overweight, flabby, and out of shape. I pointed out that, no, actually women were supposed to have a higher body fat percentage than men. It's one of the ways God designed us. Men were supposed to be relatively lean and muscled. Those that work hard enough and eat sensibly enough usually are.

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Gluttony?

2009-01-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

Those of you who have read this blog for any length of time know that I have been quite candid about my own struggle with gluttony. And, yes, it's an uncomfortable and extremely unpopular topic to talk about.

I've been a skinny glutton, with a high metabolism that kept me from gaining weight.

And I've also been a...well, less-than-skinny glutton.

So I don't equate gluttony with being overweight or being obese. I also know that "overweight" is a loaded term, and one that can be difficult to define. According to one medical weight chart, I am currently, at 130 pounds, overweight for my age, height, and frame size. I could make excuses, insist that I am healthy at this weight, etc., etc. but I know the real truth: I am at this weight because I've been eating too much and not exercising as much as I should, especially over the holidays.

For some people of approximately my size, 130 pounds would be a wonderful weight. The weight chart says I should be at around 115 - 120. I know that, at this stage in my life, I don't want to drop that many pounds. But I do know that I can't use that as an excuse to indulge my appetites.

Some people are so afraid of legalism that they would simply throw up their hands in disgust at this entire post. Others will no doubt quote the Scripture about "physical exercise profiting little" as a rebuke to me, suggesting that it would be far more godly for me to be a couch potato and do little or nothing to prevent/forestall my genetic ticking time bomb of diabetes, heart disease, cancer, obesity, and osteoporosis.

But I am too grateful for the gift God has entrusted in my care: my physical body. Oh, it's quite plain, boring and used up by contemporary standards, but it has been a blessing to me. It has borne six children. It is the tool I use to enable me to serve God in my daily life. Why should I not take care of it as my way of thanking God? Why should I not be a good steward of my health?

Besides, the Bible is clear that gluttony is a sin, modern ideas to the contrary. Binge eating is not cool. Eating like a pig is not a sign of healthy masculinity. Pretending it's more gluttonous to be health-conscious and watch what one eats than it is to eat everything in sight is...plain goofy.

Being overweight or obese is not a sin. But the way that most of us get there is. Yes, there are some people who will always be "overweight" though fit and healthy. But obesity is a different matter. Yes, in a few cases, there are medical conditions that prevent a person from losing weight, no matter how hard they work out or how carefully they eat. But that is far from common.

There has been a big brouhaha over on the Bayly Blog about obesity. I know one of the parties that has weighed in. (Haha...poor attempt at humor there.) I think it's interesting that some people are so afraid to admit that, in most cases, obesity is easily preventable and is caused directly by two things: eating too much and not moving enough. But I guess it's horribly judgmental to say that. Horribly judgmental to think that men who show off how fat they are maybe, just maybe should be ashamed rather than proud...not necessarily ashamed for being fat, but for what they almost certainly had to do (eat too much and work too little) to get that way.

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Intimacy? Sex? Same thing? Different?

2008-12-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

The Simple Marriage Project posed an interesting question regarding intimacy and sex. Here is what I posted in answer:

My concept of intimacy is a closeness, an emotional bond, a true knowing of one another, a deep friendship that involves openness and vulnerability. This need not at all be sexual. In fact, the people that I am most intimate with are in my extended family.

Unfortunately, many people — and I’ve found that men tend to do this more than women — equate intimacy with sex. I’m reminded of something a friend told me about her marriage. She has felt, for all her marriage, that she is married to a stranger. He is uninterested in sharing any of his deeper thoughts or feelings with her, and he is even less interested in listening to anything she says beyond what is absolutely necessary and said as factually and succinctly as possible. In other words, it’s OK for her to inform him that their child is in some sort of awful crisis, but he doesn’t want to hear that she was up all night crying or that she is tormented with guilt and anguish.

My friend once, in a fit of despair, cried that she wished their marriage was more intimate. Her husband looked at her in complete bewilderment and asked, “You really want to have sex more often? Once a day isn’t enough for you? That’s enough intimacy for me.”

Well, yes, they are an extreme case. But I’ve found that most of my women friends have had to abandon the use of the word “intimacy” with their husbands, since for most men it is simply a code word for intercourse.

Unfortunately, sex — even in a loving, committed marriage — can be a barrier to intimacy. Many men seem to believe that intercourse should act as some sort of magic substitute for any attempt at true intimacy. Why talk, why be vulnerable with one another, why share life’s ups and downs, why bear one another’s burdens when one can simply pretend intercourse is an easy shortcut for all of that?

But! many husbands claim, sex makes me feel more intimate with my wife! Sex leads to intimacy! Hogwash, said another friend of mine. She pointed out to her husband all the ways in which his pre-intercourse and post-intercourse behavior made it clear that the only “intimacy” going on was entirely physical. He had to admit, with chagrin, that he really wasn’t interested in the same level of true intimacy that she was. Physical closeness was enough for him.

Some couples manage to avoid the trap of using intercourse as a bandaid for real problems in the marriage. Others work hard to achieve true intimacy. Yet others find their needs for emotional intimacy with friends and family members, realizing that intimacy is not possible or even wanted in every marriage.

But to equate intimacy with sex? They are very different…even though they can co-exist and overlap in a good marriage…very nicely, in fact. Ideally, sex should be a symbolic act of an intimacy that already exists. But life is usually not always ideal…

Some afterthoughts.....

I have a few friends that question whether or not true and deep intimacy is possible between members of the opposite sex, even husbands and wives. Oh, sure, husbands and wives can share closeness, friendship, a strong emotional bond --- but can they be as intimate as two women friends? As vulnerable with one another? As understanding? As capable of sharing thoughts and feelings? As emotionally close? As willing to share the bad, as well as the good?

When I was a new mother, I craved friendship with other mothers, and I enjoyed a level of intimacy with women that I'd never experienced before. It was a deep fellowship, a sharing of this overwhelming new adventure that had completely captured us. It was to my friends that I was able to admit a few "dark nights of the soul". At one point, I felt that maybe it was wrong for my fairly new friends to know me, the real me, so much better than my husband did, so I attempted to let him know how profound the experience of motherhood was for me.

Unfortunately, we both ended up frustrated. He simply couldn't handle the fact that I was not only and always happy about every aspect of motherhood. He didn't want to hear about sleep deprivation, about the numbing mindlessness of many days, about changing two dozen diapers in just 24 hours. He also didn't want to hear that I sometimes went in just to see my sleeping baby (during those rare moments when he slept) and wept with joy at his beauty. He strongly suggested I needed more time with my women friends. He also wondered if my reaction to motherhood was normal. To him, it was all wacky and disturbing. Couldn't life just return to normal?

At the next park day, the more experienced moms in our group laughed at my tale. They had been there. They had learned to share mostly the sanitized version of motherhood with their husbands, and to come up with a canned, pleasant answer to "What on earth did you do all day?!"

As one mom told me, "Marriage shouldn't be a contest about who had the most stressful day. Let your husband win that one. He will be happier thinking that he is creating a wonderful life for you through his noble sacrifice. He doesn't need your stress on top of his."

Once in a while, I listen to Dr. Laura on the radio while I'm running errands. One of her recurring themes is to remind women that they are married to men, and not to their girlfriends. Hours of talking? Deep sharing? Feelings? The daily minutiae of life? Save it for your girlfriends. Your husband will never be interested in that!

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Good cop, bad cop

2008-12-01T10:01:00.000-08:00

Back in the day, I worked--- mostly nights --- at a university hospital, as a ward clerk. As part of my job, I met quite a few security guards, of which a significant number were either in law enforcement, had been in law enforcement, or planned to be.

Around that same time, I read the LA Times...a lot...and there was a lot of bad news about the L.A. County Sheriff's Department. There was also bad news about the LAPD.

One night in the emergency room, a sheriff tried to impress me with the fact that he had beaten up some guy in the course of arresting him. The sheriff looked completely unruffled. The young man he'd arrested was extremely bloodied and had a couple broken bones. I was not impressed. In fact, I was sickened and disgusted.

Of course, I don't know the story of this man's arrest. But, a few years later, I was an eyewitness, more than once, to what I can only describe as unprovoked police brutality.

There were some other dealings with police over the years. Some good, some bad. But I grew cynical about the sort of person that was attracted to police work, and about what police work eventually did to even the best of people.

And then I met two police officers who made me toss out all those stereotypes and prejudices. One morning, after a long night shift, these two men, practically strangers to us, cheerfully helped us move, joking and laughing as they easily carried our heavy bookcases upstairs, actually seeming to enjoy the hard work, and apologizing that they couldn't stay all day, but had to get some sleep before their next shift.

One of those men was Mark Riddering. We barely knew him when he helped us move, but that didn't stop him from eagerly volunteering to help. As we got to know him...well, I have to admit that he sometimes made me feel like I did when I was a little girl and hero-worshiped a heroic policeman.

Mark Riddering was a good cop. He was a true hero.

He was also one of the sweetest, kindest men I've ever met. I loved watching him interact with his kids, loved watching how he looked at them, how he played with them, how he so obviously cherished them and his wife. He enjoyed life...enjoyed his family...enjoyed his many, many friends. I don't think I'll ever forget his smile or his laugh.

We knew Mark during the time when he began noticing troubling symptoms, and when he received the diagnosis of ALS. He was an important part of the weekly Bible study that first met in his home and later in ours. We all watched him walk through this time of uncertainty. If he felt sorry for himself, we never knew it --- his concern was always for his family...and that he would be found faithful in God's eyes. Over the months and years, we watched his big strong body deteriorate. Never once did we hear him complain. Instead, we still heard him laugh and still enjoyed his smiles, his loving concern for our family, and his sense of humor. He encouraged others over and over again.

As his body weakened, it was as if Mark grew even stronger. The last few times I visited him, I felt as if I were standing on holy ground. Jesus shown that brightly through Mark. It sounds cliche...but it was true.

One local news story reported that Mark Riddering "lost his battle with Lou Gehrig's disease". That doesn't seem accurate. From what I know, and what I've heard from his family and friends, Mark finished the race, the long tiring marathon of the last 15 years, and he finished it well. He fought the good fight. He kept the faith. He persevered to the end. The prize is now his. He didn't lose; he won.

Tomorrow I have the awesome yet sad privilege of attending the funeral of a true hero of the faith. Mark Riddering has left behind an awesome legacy. I cannot help but think that Jesus greeted him with the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Read more about Mark Riddering

Edited for readability.

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Sometimes it's best to leave well enough along

2008-11-30T13:00:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to regret the blog tweaks. Playing with my template and trying to use an outside comment service messed things up. Now let's see how this new attempt works...

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Blog Play

2008-11-30T12:17:00.000-08:00

I'm playing around with some modifications to comments here on the blog. Not that I get lots of comments...

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Lots of typos

2008-11-17T10:48:00.001-08:00

Or is that typoes? My last post had lots of them. I still haven't mastered the iPhone keypad. Or proofreading.

-- Post From My iPhone

Twitter begins to make more sense

2008-11-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

I've been playing around with Twitter quite a bit of late. While it's been fun and all, I have to admit that I was beginning to wonder what the fuss was all about.

Then...

I discovered that Twitter can be a quick, almost instant, way to track breaking news stories -- both from professional news sources and from eyewitnesses. It's a way to track stories that our US media tends to ignore, such as the alarming persecution against Christians in India, North Korea, Saudia Arabia, and elsewhere. And it's a way to discover what the latest buzz is, whether it's angry Prop 8 protests or some new video game.

The local feature makes things interesting. I can read "tweets" from my particular area.

I like the idea that the Twitter platform doesn't allow longwindedness but, if you need more than 140 characters to say something, you can link to your blog. That also provides a great way to notify others, and be notified, of blog posts that are hot off the press.

Let me know about your Twitter experiences. How do you use it?

-- Post From My iPhone

Edited to correct a few of the worst mistakes.

Thought on California's Proposition 8

2008-11-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

I supported it. Frankly, I never thought I'd live to see the day when people would try to redefine the institution of marriage and would then try to impose their ideas on others, even to the point of forcing all couples getting marriage licenses to have to be identified as "Party A" or "Party B", rather than as bride and groom.

When suddenly marriage has become about something completely different than what it has always been understood to be...when it is no longer about a bride and groom, but about two "parties"...well, I finally decided enough was enough when it comes to people trying to impose their new definition of marriage on all of society and on our legal system.

This social experimentation had gone too far.

Some time back, I wrote this: Save Marriage!! Defend Marriage!! I still think that the greatest threats to marriage come from within marriage itself. We are the ones who threaten our own marriages, through all manner of sin, whether it be just plain selfishness and irresponsibility, or lust, adultery, pornography, abuse...the list goes on. I wish more of us were willing to spend our time, money and effort vocally and effectively fighting those very real threats against marriage.

But, in the meantime, I helped my son get signs put out. I spoke out where and when I could. And, sometime over the next few weeks, I hope to blog about why this issue is so crucial to me, and why it should be crucial to you as well...and why we need to speak out now.

UPDATED because I wrote it in haste and needed to re-edit at leisure so that it would make a bit more sense to my readers.

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One thing I know

2008-11-04T23:14:00.000-08:00

As I was posting my last blog entry, I caught sight on what I'd written in my sidebar:

One thing I know...
In the end, the very end, Jesus wins.
He's the Victor.
And His grip on me is way, way stronger and more sure than my grip on Him.

In the end, He wins. And His victory will be final and everlasting and good and righteous and just and merciful. My hope is that, because of His grace and His grace alone, I will be there to celebrate that final victory. That is real hope. And, on that glorious day, we will all be changed...in the twinkling of an eye.

And I...even I...shall be utterly and forever transformed by His presence.

May Jesus, tonight and at this very moment, work His transforming power in my life. May my hope rest in Him and in Him alone. May what breaks His heart break mine.

To share in His sufferings...even though the thought frightens me...

To be found in Him...

To be like Him...

To be obedient, even unto death...

Thank God that His grip on me is so much stronger than my weak and feeble grip on Him.

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Will he keep his promise?

2008-11-04T22:34:00.000-08:00

Obama, in his own words, about his stance on abortion, and the first thing he will do as president:

I have a question for my friends who are celebrating tonight because their man won. Are you also celebrating the change that he will bring when he keeps his promise to you about signing the Freedom of Choice Act? Or is this a promise you hope he won't keep?

To those who have tried to persuade me that Obama is really pro-life, I can only say...huh? Do you mean you don't believe his own words or his own voting record? Will this, from Obama's own website, convince you?

"Throughout my career, I've been a consistent and strong supporter of reproductive justice, and have consistently had a 100% pro-choice rating with Planned Parenthood and NARAL Pro-Choice America."

What is the Freedom of Choice Act Obama has promised to sign?

David Freddoso (The Case Against Barack Obama) elaborates on what this bill entails:
This bill would effectively cancel every state, federal, and local regulation of abortion, no matter how modest or reasonable. It would even, according to the National Organization of Women, abolish all state restrictions on government funding for abortions. If Obama becomes president and lives up to this promise, then everyone who pays income tax will be paying an abortionist to perform an abortion.
In making this promise, Freddoso writes, Obama is promising:
to abolish state laws that protect doctors and nurses from losing their jobs if they refuse to participate in abortions
to abolish requirements for parental notification and informed consent for mothers who consider the procedure
Freddoso also notes:
Obama is one of the very few pro-choice advocates who accepts no restrictions on late-term abortions, or any kind of abortions. I could find no instance in his entire career in which he voted for any regulation or restriction on the practice of abortion. [Read more here.]

More information on FOCA can be found here.

To my friends who are celebrating Obama's victory: is this what you are celebrating? Please forgive me for not joining in your joy. Frankly, I find this a sad day for our country. A very sad day. This is change we could do without. May God have mercy on us all. May those of us who are pro-life be emboldened to speak out now, and to work while there is still day...for I fear that night is rapidly approaching.

For those who would like to put Obama's promise in context, here is the entire speech as posted to Obama's campaign channel on YouTube.

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What can I say

2008-11-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

Sigh. This says it all much better than I possibly could.

None of this has taken God by surprise. He is still on His throne. May He have mercy on us all.

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Domestic partners, homosexual "marriage", and more

2008-11-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

They call us haters. They claim that a vote of California's Proposition 8 is a vote for bigotry and discrimination.

Well, their domestic partnership regulations discriminated against me. How? My brother and I shared an apartment, and we pooled our resources together. We were dependent on each other financially. We were also extremely dedicated to one another; in fact, our relationship had only grown stronger since that first glimpse my brother had taken of me when I was just a few days old, and he had decided I was both cute and fascinating.

But, unlike the homosexual and heterosexual couples where my brother worked, we were not allowed access to any domestic partner benefits. Why the discrimination? Because we were siblings. The only way to earn the right to domestic partner benefits is by being in a sexual relationship with someone. Talk about discrimination! Talk about legislating morality and imposing values on other people!

Just try getting any sort of domestic benefits without having a sexual relationship. It's impossible. It doesn't matter if you've lived together for years, even decades. If you are siblings, or cousins, or just friends --- it doesn't matter. The law discriminates against those who refuse to have a sexual relationship with their domestic partner.

I can just hear everyone now: Don't be silly, Rebecca! What do you think domestic partners are? You can't just redefine the term to mean siblings and roommates!

Ah, but a lot of people think they should be able to redefine marriage. And, if you are reluctant to do so, supposedly that makes you intolerant and hateful.

But, in all this hue and cry about religious people trying to define marriage, few people seem to think we should remove all restrictions to marriage. Few people seem to think that it is hateful or intolerant or bigotry to restrict marriage to adults who are not closely related, or to outlaw bigamy. Do we hate children? Hate people who would prefer to be married to several people at once? Hate relatives? Are we discriminating against them? robbing them of their civil rights? guilty of hate crimes by not raising a big hue and cry to redefine marriage as being anything that anyone wants it to be?

No. I have yet to meet the person who believes in removing all legal restriction to marriage and allowing anyone to define it as they wish.

Apparently that privilege belongs only to those who believe marriage should be redefined as not necessarily being between a man and a woman. They have no qualms about imposing their values on our society and about plunging us all into some bizarre social experiment. They claim it is a civil rights issue, but they seem unconcerned about the civil rights of children, polygamists, those who favor "group marriage", and those who think first cousins should be free to marry in every state.

If marriage is a civil right, who gets to choose whose "civil rights" get to redefine marriage for the rest of society?

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On a more serious note

2008-11-02T08:36:00.000-08:00

Just in case I have one pro-Obama reader left, please read the potential consequences of voting him into office: Side Effect of FOCA. Remember that Obama has promised that his first priority as President will be to sign the Freedom of Choice Act. Make sure you are comfortable, before voting for him, with all that this entails.

I know. I know. Obama supporters have told me that FOCA "will not mean that many more abortions", and they seem untroubled by the thought of more infants dying in the womb. But I'm not ready to see the demise of Catholic hospitals, and I hope this would matter even to those who are pro-choice. One of my sons owes his life to the grace of God and the wonderful staff of a Catholic hospital. I know of towns whose only hospitals are Catholic. I don't think Obama, persuasive as he may be, will be able to convince the Pope and the Catholic Church that it is their duty to provide abortions as a fundamental right that cannot be infringed.

If you truly care for the poor, many of whom rely on Catholic hospitals and charities, please do not elect a president who is so adamant about making FOCA the law of our land. Even if you are anti-Catholic to an extreme, and welcome this as a blow against the Catholic Church, please put aside your own prejudices for the sake of the weak, the poor, the sick, and those without a voice.

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Have I got a workout for you!

2008-11-02T08:03:00.001-08:00

Even my brother agreed --- we have discovered the ideal workout. In fact, he's thinking of a way to market it. But, just for you, my beloved readers, I will let you in on my workout secret for free. I'm sure this will soon be sweeping the nation.

You don't even need equipment or fancy workout shoes. In fact, I did the entire workout completely barefoot, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt.

Here's all you need: lots of sand dunes and an assortment of babies, toddlers, and small children. A few of the more independent children (but not yet ready to wander the dunes without adult supervision) should get in in their heads to race on ahead, up, down, up down the dunes all the way to the ocean, causing the adults, babies, toddlers, and little children to have to hurry after them to keep up.

It helps if, on the way back, some of you end up straggling way behind the main group. Then, if you can arrange it, make sure that it becomes extremely windy, obliterating the footsteps you are following out, changing the look of the dunes enough to disorient you and make you think you've lost your way, and sending stinging sand flying against your faces and arms. Then the 3 and 4 year olds you're with should complain about exhaustion and discomfort, even while you are trying to make a game out of giving them piggyback rides. While trudging out, each person carrying an upset child, who seems to get increasingly heavier with each step, try not to act as if you think you will soon be wandering in a horrible sandstorm, unable to see, trying to cover everyone's faces with shirts, only to finally be found years later as a pile of bleached, sandblasted bones.

Nothing beats this workout for getting your heart rate going and for making your legs and back feel like putty afterwards. That's assuming you don't end up as a pile of bleached bones.

You should try it some day.

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Voting for the future

2008-10-30T14:40:00.000-07:00

One of the somewhat odd side effects of training in the martial arts is that I started watching movies and TV shows I would have previously avoided. So it was that "Walker, Texas Ranger" became regular fare for my husband and me, despite the fact that I thought Chuck Norris wasn't much of an actor, and I found the plots repetitive and predictable. But the good guys were good, and the bad guys were very bad, and my instructor was known to call people in the middle of the show and quiz them along the lines of, "Did you see what Chuck Norris did to that guy? Do you think he stole that technique from us?" To which I was always tempted to reply, "He certainly didn't steal the put-away-your-gun-so-you-can-do-a-jumping-spinning-flying-kick technique from us."

But I digress.

I have yet more connections with Chuck Norris, besides watching his TV show and having an instructor who has met him on more than one occasion:

1. Once upon a time, while working a summer job at a car dealership, I saw Chuck Norris walk away from the cashier's window on the way to pick up the car he had just had serviced.

2. Chuck Norris and I shared a pastor. Of course, Chuck Norris knew Pastor Kuester quite a number of years before I did, and I had no idea of this connection until I read Against All Odds.

3. We're both martial artists.

So, we're practically best buds. Despite that, I hardly keep up with what he says and writes. So someone else had to draw the following to my attention: "I'm Voting for Those Not Yet Born".

Whether or not you're a Chuck Norris fan, you should read the article. There's a lot more to Mr. Norris than just punching and kicking. A lot more.

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Putting things in perspective

2008-10-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's another political post...

For any stray visitors who may have stumbled across my blog: I am not Roman Catholic. There is much with Roman Catholicism and its theology that I find problematic. But there is much that I believe, despite its flaws, the Catholic Church has gotten right.

I am old enough to remember the Roe v. Wade decision, and to remember the deafening silence, apathy, and ignorance within Protestantism. I am old enough to remember going to pro-life events and having my Catholic brothers and sisters greet me warmly, sometimes tearfully, and say, "We have praying for years that Protestants would finally join us in concern for the sanctity of life."

I remember Catholic acquaintances who were shocked when I was happy about my third pregnancy. One blurted out, "But I didn't think Protestants liked children!" She went on to say, "It's really difficult to get Protestants interested in pro-life issues and, besides, most of you don't even allow children and babies in your church services. Plus, you're the first Protestant I've ever met who wanted more than one or two kids."

Our actions --- and lack of actions --- and our silence have spoken volumes. No matter how opposed to Catholicism you might be, I would urge you to set aside those differences, if you are a follower of Jesus, and prayerfully consider what part of the following message might apply to you:

Yesterday I received an email containing a link to The Judeo-Christian View. Some of what they write might seem alarmist, disturbing, and a bit over the top. But please do not discount it out of hand. Read it prayerfully:

Our nation faces a fork, a divergence between the high road and the low road -- and you and your congregation could very well determine the direction we take. The high road upholds America's peaceful tradition of Judeo-Christian tolerance and morality. The low road marches us toward militant secular-paganism, militant Islam, or both.

The high road upholds traditional marriage between one man and one woman, and the sanctity of innocent human life that springs from such unions. The low road favors homosexual "marriage" and child sacrifice (we're not referring to familiar abortion here – see below).
The high road upholds the rights of pastors, priests and rabbis to "speak truth to power" in the tradition of Moses, Elijah, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel, (and for Christians) John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, Stephen and Jesus. The low road would officially censor the Judeo-Christian view from the public square.

[To read more, click here.]

There are those who accuse people who speak out against Obama of fear-mongering. I will agree: there is some of that. There is also fear-mongering among those who become somewhat hysterical at the thought of another four years of a Republican in the White House. But that doesn't mean that there is no cause for fear, or that we should plug our eyes and ears and refuse to think about the fact that Obama stands for much that we, as followers of Jesus, should oppose.

Some of us are accused of being ignorant and narrow-minded one-issue voters. We are told that the abortion issue doesn't really matter as much as we claim. We are told not to worry about the fact that Obama has publicly promised that, as his very first act as President, he will sign the Freedom of Choice Act. We are told, as if this will assure us, that this will not result in that many more abortions. We are also told that same-sex marriage is not that big of a deal either. After all, does it really impact, in a negative way, our own marriage? If not, what's the big fuss?

What really matters is the economy, and Obama's plans to redistribute the wealth, and the fact that he talks about hope and change. And isn't hope oh so Christian? Isn't that what really matters?

My grandfather was a bold voice in a time when many thought he was alarmist, over the top, concerned about peripheral issues rather than about a nation's economic survival. People thought he was a fear-mongerer when he attempted to warn them. They saw no danger. They saw only hope...and change. Eloquent words, which my grandfather did not possess, persuaded them. Some...way too many... paid with their lives. They thought they were safe. They were not.

We may be safe. Today. We may feel completely unthreatened. We have grown callous to the abortion issue. We have watched so many movies and TV programs, and perhaps even laughed along with Will and Grace, that we are jaded about homosexual unions, just as we are jaded about adultery and pornography and pre-marital sex. We don't see how far our nation has drifted away from what is right and decent. We don't even see how far we ourselves have drifted away. Do we have the mind of Christ? Are we truly concerned about the least of these? Do we even care about rescuing those who are being led away to slaughter? Has holiness become just a religious word to us?

There is no candidate that I can enthusiastically support in this race. But there is one who stands, openly and unashamedly, for things that I simply cannot accept. I fear --- and I believe there is good reason for fear --- that the change that Obama will bring is not a change that the followers of Jesus should find acceptable or pleasing. But it may be the change we, as a sleeping and disobedient Church, fully deserve. May God have mercy.

Please pray. My daughter is planning to join with many others, in California and across the country, to intercede earnestly on behalf of our nation. She has been fasting and praying. Some may just think this is just youthful zeal. Please do not despise it. Please pray for some of that zeal for yourself.

My father has been praying that God might show us mercy...yet again. Mercy is, by definition, undeserved. Please join him in that prayer.

Pray that we might all be awakened, that the change and hope we seek may come from Christ, rather than from those who oppose His Words, and that God might make our hearts tender towards Him and towards the least among us.

May God have mercy.

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Still not sure how to vote?

2008-10-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

Well documented and a must-read before heading to the polls: over 100 hundred reasons to vote against Obama.

One example out of many:

Barack Obama supports the extreme Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA). If enacted, FOCA would obliterate hundreds of state laws that protect women, parents, children, and health care workers, while forcing taxpayers to foot the bill for millions of abortions. It would overturn commonsense laws like parental notification, conscience protections, abortion waiting periods, informed consent, and regulations for women's health: http://www.lifenews.com/nat4056.html
Estimates are that if Obama becomes President and signs FOCA it will lead to 125,000 more abortions each year: http://www.lifenews.com/nat4359.html

As many of us have read repeatedly by now, in his July 17, 2007 speech to the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, Obama said,

We know that a woman's right to make a decision about how many children she wants to have and when — without government interference — is one of the most fundamental freedoms we have in this country. . . . I have worked on this issue for decades now. I put Roe at the center of my lesson plan on reproductive freedom when I taught constitutional law. . . So, you know where I stand. . . The first thing I'd do as president is sign the Freedom of Choice Act. That's the first thing that I'd do.

Is that who you want for President? A man who is so dedicated to abortion being without restrictions or safeguards, a man who is so adamantly opposed to states' rights, a man who is so opposed to any attempts to protect unborn children, that his promised first order of business as your President would be to sign the radical Freedom of Choice Act?

As a mother, I simply cannot vote for this man, for this reason alone. Then there are, of course, many other reasons. Please follow the link I've posted and consider these matters carefully and prayerfully.

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Ping, Twitter, and other random odd stuff

2008-10-24T09:41:00.001-07:00

So I've been messing about with Twitter, to see what all the fuss is about, and then I discovered this thing called "Ping.fm", that enables me to post to all sorts of social networks. I'm still trying to figure out how to use it in a way that will meet the variously different formats of Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, and whatever. It gives me something to do in between getting snippy with even more snippy receptionists at doctors' offices.

Updated to add: You can read my Twitter updates in the blog sidebar. Or you can "follow" me on Twitter. Or you can ignore all the silliness.

When it comes to Facebook --- I tend to be more personal there, so I am very careful about my "friends"...

2008-10-24T09:27:00.001-07:00

How frustrating. I feel like I am spinning my wheels, trying to get treatment for Youngest Child's avulsive fracture...

Still thinking of voting for Obama?

2008-10-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

If you are not 100% pro-abortion (as opposed to pro-life or undecided...or genuinely pro-choice...) you may want to consider this before casting your vote.

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More powerful than a sermon

2008-10-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

A brief life, lived for only 99 days, yet a life that continues to touch hundreds, if not thousands, others...yet a life that too many in our country feel never should have been allowed to survive beyond the womb...a life that brought --- and continues to bring --- glory to God...

Can you watch this and say, along with too many Americans, that we are the better for allowing and encouraging women to choose to have the lives of children like Eliot snuffed out in the womb?

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Why I can't vote for Obama

2008-09-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

Even if our politics were in agreement (which they are not) my mother's heart would simply not allow me to vote for him.

More from Gianna Jessen:

On Fox News:

What can you do about it? Begin by visiting the Born Alive Truth website.

Updated to add:

Testimony from the nurse who was behind the Illinois bill. This also includes Obama in his own words defending his stance on abortion. A must see before you vote in November.

This post, along with my entire blog, is copyrighted. Please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Update

2008-09-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

So, what have I been up to lately? Here's the scoop:

1. On the weight loss and fitness front: Things have not gone as well as planned. My weight has kept bobbing up and down by about three pounds. I've reached 127 pounds today, but doubt that I'll make my goal in two days. Life has been insanely busy and I've not had the time to exercise.

2. I wasn't insanely busy enough, so I decided to put on a karate tournament. It's going to be this Saturday. I am simply shocked at the amount of work involved, and that's with my capable army of volunteers.

3. Since it's simply not enough to try to juggle karate tournaments on top of my already busy life, I decided to get sick. I'm not hideously, bed-ridden type sick, just enough to lose sleep and stay out on the couch because of an annoying cough.

4. I've had all sorts of ideas for posts, but have promptly forgotten them due to being tired, busy, etc.

So that's pretty much what life has been like around here.

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Why I won't run for President of the United States

2008-09-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

This tongue-in-cheek post, another silly attempt at humor, was inspired by a young girl's explanation of why she would refuse the vice-presidential nomination. Until I read her post, I had no idea that she was even up for consideration.

Yes, my dear three readers, you are reading it here first. I will never seek to be elected as President of these United States. Shocking news, I'm sure. Just so that I will not be inundated with three emails all beseeching me But why not? let me give my reasons now:

1. If I were to become president, that would force me to begin ordering my husband around and usurping his authority. Because, of course, we live in a dictatorship, where the president is able to exercise direct and unlimited authority over every single person in our country. Checks and balances? Hah! No, being president is like being the complete boss over everyone. Since I don't think I should be in authority over my husband, I simply will have to refuse any position that would force such authority upon me. (Hey, and quit quoting that verse about wives having authority over their husbands' bodies. Read the whole thing. Husbands have authority over their wives' bodies, so there! Besides, everyone knows that wives really have no authority, not even some sort of mutual sexual authority. Quit being such a feminist. Sheesh.)

2. If I were to become president, I'd have to go on TV and be photographed. A lot. And, frankly, I think that's immodest. It's wrong to be the center of attention. Next thing you know, I'd be worrying about my hair and make-up and clothing, instead of my adornment not being external.

3. If I were to become president, I'd have to speak. In public. And everyone knows that the Bible says, "Let the women be silent" and "I do not permit a woman to speak." (What? You claim that's only about church? Oh, so now you're into some sort of situational ethics where you only have to obey God when you are in a church service? How convenient!)

4. If I were to become president, I'd have to travel. And everyone knows that travel is a sin for women. Proverbs 31 does not say anything about going. It is all about staying --- staying home. The field that woman bought? How do we know it wasn't already in her own backyard? How do we know she didn't send a trusted servant to conduct the business transaction for her? I'm sure she could have sent a man...no, oops, she couldn't have, because that would mean she was exercising authority over him! She could have sent a single woman to buy the field, providing she could find some rebellious woman who worked outside her father's home, and yet could be trusted with real estate transactions. OK, let's go back to the buying the backyard field theory...

5. If I were to become president, no one would know what to call my husband. The first gentleman? The first spouse? The first dude?

6. If I were to become president, it would be really like my husband, the elders in my church, my pastor, and every Christian man becoming president instead of me, because I'd have to submit to them in every decision. That's just too confusing. It's a lot easier to submit to all of them when it comes to raising children.

7. If I were to become president, I'd have to select a vice-president. And that would be wrong, immoral, and adulterous. Because everyone knows that the vice-president is really a help meet for the president --- a role that only a wife should fulfill. So, whether I picked a man or a woman, it would be...icky and wrong. I couldn't even pick my own husband, because I'm supposed to be his suitable helper, not the other way around. This just proves that only men are to be presidents, because they are the only ones who are allowed to have help meets. And only their own wives are supposed to be their vice-presidents.

8. If I were to become president, my children would have to appear with me in public. Or not. And either option would be wrong.

9. If I were to become president, I'd have to have state dinners. And that would pose all sorts of quandaries. Would I, as the hostess, be sinning if I didn't cook for my guests? Would I be sinning if we had a dance after dinner? If I danced with other heads of state, would that be sinning? Who would lead?

10. If I were to become president, I'd have to fire the White House cook. And I really don't like firing people. But everyone knows that if a wife doesn't cook for her own family, she is not providing for them, and that makes her worse than an infidel.

11. If I were to become president, I'd be in the horrible position of having to serve all sorts of masters --- my husband, the elders in my church, my pastor, every Christian man (see #6 above) along with everyone who voted me into office, the members of my political party, the House, the Senate, the entire country and everyone else I promised to serve and/or be accountable to. And that's just wrong. I'm only supposed to serve one master --- my husband. Jesus said so himself. (What do you mean, He was talking about serving God and mammon/money/materialism? What sort of post-modern feminist are you? I suppose that next you'll be saying that you don't believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God!)

12. If I were to become president, that would make me the Commander in Chief of our military. And that would make me a soldier. I'm opposed to women in combat, so how could I serve in this capacity?

13. If I were to become president, I'd have to meet with other heads of state. Since most of them are men, that would be wrong. I shouldn't be running around meeting other men and having long conversations with them. Plus, what if we were trying to negotiate something? It would be wrong for me to exercise authority over a man, so I'd have to submit to him. And that could be bad for our country. So maybe I should only meet with female heads of state. Except then, I'd be asking them to submit to me instead of to their husbands. And that's wrong.

14. If I were to become president, I'd be expected to give important speeches. And that would be very wrong. See #3 above. Plus, some man might accidentally learn something from one of my speeches. And then I'd be teaching him --- something the Bible forbids. (What do you mean, the Bible is only talking about authoritative teaching roles in the church? What kind of feminist claptrap is that? Didn't you read #3?!)

So...not matter how my country may beg and plead me to reconsider....I'm sorry, but I simply cannot serve as your president.

Pssst...it's a joke! A parody! But yes, you may recognize some of my reasoning from other places on the internet...don't worry, it's only the the extreme fringe that would agree with such arguments; most Christians have a far better understanding of God's Word.

Slight edits for additional clarity and humor.

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In the public eye

2008-09-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ack! Someday this blog will be less about politics, I promise!

Yesterday I made another trip around the blogosphere, to see what people were writing about Governor Palin. I also read some of the articles in the media, both mainstream and otherwise.

And you know what? I got really excited. Not so much about the politics, but about the tremendous opportunity we, as Christians, have been given to be salt and light before a watching world. Governor Palin has suddenly brought all sorts of issues out in the open, issues that are now being discussed widely, in a more public way than I can ever recall, issues such as:

1. Outside of the pro-life movement, it is shocking news that 80-90% of babies known to have Down syndrome are aborted. The response has been interesting --- I've been amazed to read how many of those who are not opposed to abortion are still very troubled by this.

2. Suddenly the pro-life movement has a different public face. It's not just a bunch of white males who want to keep all women barefoot and in the kitchen.

3. The hypocrisy of many liberals is being exposed. It's not really about choice, after all --- people are more than willing to attack Palin for her choices.

4. We're all forced to face reality: not every women is liberal. Even more shocking, not every feminist is liberal and pro-abortion. You can be feminine, articulate, intelligent and politically conservative.

5. Having a baby with Down syndrome is not a horrible, life-consuming tragedy. It will not ruin your life or your family. Even if angry bloggers refer to your child disdainfully as "that child", and suggest it is unseemly for him to be seen in public, you and your family will love and unashamedly enjoy your special child --- at least that is the testimony that the Palin family lives out, loud and clear. (Other families live this testimony too, of course, but they don't get to do so on TV, in front of the entire nation.)

6. There is nothing shameful or degrading about being an involved mother. You don't have to be a crunch granola Birkenstock earth mama to wear your baby in a sling. Nor does wearing your baby in a sling turn your brain to mush or turn you into a primitivistic marsupial mother. You can be bright, successful, charming, and attractive --- and mother your baby right out there in the open, without apology or shame.

7. Not everyone who has five children is some sort of cross between Ma Kettle and a faceless, downtrodden cult member. Having more than the socially acceptable number of children does not rob you of brain cells, turn you into a boring drudge, or make you spend the rest of your life in shapeless dresses and/or frumpy sweatpants.

Many of us who are conservative Christians, pro-life, and who have dared to have more than 1.8 children could never have dared hope that we would ever have a "poster child for our cause" capture the national attention like Governor Palin has. Whether or not we agree with her politics, whether or not we think women should be vice presidents, we have to agree that she has been a remarkable public advocate and shining testimony on a scale that none of us could ever hope to be.

But there is more. I saved the best for last...

8. Over the past two to three days, I've had the amazing experience of reading in newspapers and hearing on the radio people trying to explain why evangelical Christians are not suddenly dropping Governor Palin like a hot potato after hearing that her teenage daughter is pregnant out of wedlock. And do you know how some of these journalists and commentators --- a number of whom I have no reason to believe are Christians --- are explaining it? With the gospel. Suddenly, people are feeling a need to explain why evangelicals are not shocked about sin, why we take sin so seriously, and why we are so forgiving! It is both deeply moving and, at the same time, amusing, to read/hear people in the secular world actually defending and explaining our beliefs (e.g., "Few people seem to understand what the Christian faith is all about...")

Do you realize what a tremendous opportunity Governor Palin has given us? The opportunity that I believe God has given us through her?

The world is watching. They are watching her. But they are also watching those of us who they believe she represents.

Think of this, fellow bloggers. What is our message to the watching world? Will we join many of them in condemning Governor Palin? Will they discover that our main message to them is angry words about what women can't and shouldn't do? Or will they discover that, as followers of Jesus, as recipients of His saving grace, we are known for being serious about sin and yet forgiving and gracious...the people who rejoice in that truth, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Will we be known as those who make love their rule? Will we be known as those who stand for truth? Will our words be so seasoned with grace as to be able to be used of God to win hearts for Him?

Or will we be known as being harsh, strident, judgmental, hateful? Much of the world already thinks that about us. Now, perhaps, we can, prayerfully, try to become better ambassadors and representatives of Jesus Christ.

I write this as much for me as for my fellow bloggers. And yes, I know I fail in this. Constantly.

Most of us cannot capture the attention of a nation. Most of us will never walk in the corridors of power, or have the ear of our nation's leaders --- or even be one of those leaders ourselves. But we can pray for those leaders and for those potential leaders. And we can rejoice in this wonderful window of opportunity, in our much smaller worlds, to echo the messages of grace, forgiveness, the sanctity of life, and the blessings of motherhood.

And we can thank God for the powerful and unexpected way in which He is using Governor Palin's life and testimony. May we be faithful in the little things, in our small arenas, and pray for Palin to be faithful in the big things, in her big arena.

Updated to add:

Here is Governor Palin's testimony of her faith in Christ.

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We don't lose our minds when we become pregnant

2008-09-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

Really, we don't. Even when we sometimes feel that way or possibly even act that way.

Having more than the socially acceptable number of children, contrary to what many might think, did not reduce my IQ to below room temperature.

But you'd never guess that from the way people have treated me and other mothers, especially in light of the ridiculous questions I've been asked. When I announced my pregnancy with Child #4, guess what question I was asked more than any other: "Have you even thought about where you will put this child?"

Come on, our house was small, but not that small. Another mom, much in the same sort of situation, gave me her answer. She would gasp, open her eyes wide in shock, and exclaim as dramatically as possible, "Oh, no! We never even thought of that! Whatever will we do? I guess we'll just have to stick the baby...on the back porch!"

Other questions/statements I've had to endure:

"I suppose you've never given any thought to what you will do if you are ever in an accident or incapacitated."

"Have you considered what you will do if your husband dies?"

"You might want to think about how you and your husband will manage to pay for all these children."

"Have you even thought about finding someone to deliver this baby?" (I kid you not --- I was about two weeks away from my due date, and as hugely pregnant as could be, when I was asked this question.) Despite the fact that I'd chosen the birth attendants long before conception, and was more than fully prepared to have the baby right that minute, I was tempted to give my blankest look and ask, "Huh? Deliver this baby? What do you mean?"

"What are you going to do with your other children after this baby is born? Have you even thought about how you're going to take care of them?"

"I don't think you have any idea of what it's like to try to handle six children." (Said by a father of two, who seemed oblivious to the fact that I had two years of full-time experience handling five children, and about 12 years of full-time mothering experience to his three years of part-time fathering!)

"Have you and your husband ever thought to discuss whether or not a large family is a good idea?"

"Have you even considered, for a moment, whether it's fair to your older children to keep bringing more children into the family?"

"I suppose you've never thought about what it will be like when all these children are teenagers."

Newsflash: Women are not stupid. Mothers are not stupid. We do think about these things. In fact, we tend to think about them far more than our husbands do. We lose sleep over such questions. We spend the "night watch hours" in prayer. We read; we study; we research; we consult trusted advisers; we plan. If anything, we spend too much time on these questions, not too little.

"Does she have any idea what she's going to do with her children once she's vice-president?"

I'm sure she does. After all, she's had a workable plan in place while being governor. Yes, handling six children was more of a challenge than handling five. Yes, being vice president will be more of a challenge than being governor. But I doubt that Governor Palin is a fool or an idiot. I doubt that you know more about combining family with governmental responsibilities than she does. I certainly doubt that you have given more thought to the issue than she has.

She has a husband, a man who is obviously no stranger to holding and tending his baby. That doesn't make him a "mom"; that makes him an involved father. She has experience working with babies in her office --- probably far more experience than you do.

I'm sure she answered that question, with much careful consideration, long before you even knew she was being considered for vice president. In fact, this is what her answer looks like.

Another friend of mine came up with a standard answer to what she termed "I know you're an idiot so I need to ask you" questions: "Don't worry. We already have all sorts of plans and contingency plans in place. I know the idea of this is new and overwhelming for you, but it's old hat for us. Thanks for your concern."

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Where are the tears for the Obama children?

2008-09-04T10:38:00.000-07:00

If I read one more blog commenter going on and on about how he/she weeps for the Palin children, I'm going to be awfully tempted to begin spamming the internet with the following reply:

Have you also been weeping for the Obama children? They have been dragged into the public spotlight. They have had to deal with an absentee father and a mother on the campaign trail. There are no hundreds of heartwarming pictures showing the parents working with their daughters at their sides and in their arms --- because the Obama family does not live this way. These little girls have had to hear that babies are a "punishment" and will no doubt some day wonder if their parents regarded them as punishments as well.

Where were your posts about weeping for them? And, since you haven't been weeping for them, what am I to assume?
You don't concern yourself with the children of those who are democrats.
You don't concern yourself with the children of those of other races than your own.
You don't concern yourself with the children of men who are running for office.
You don't concern yourself with the children of those you don't particularly like.
It's really not about the children. It's about a woman doing something you don't think women should do.

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More silliness on the campaign trail

2008-09-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

On this the patriarchal crowd and the ultra-liberals agree: bashing mothers is always fair game, even if one has to be illogical and hypocritical to do so.

On this the patriarchal crowd and the ultra-liberals also agree: no one really cares if a father is a "bad father" or not. Fatherhood is, for the most part, usually not even worth thinking or talking about, especially in light of more "serious concerns".

So today I've learned, from both the patriarchal crowd and the ultra-liberals, that Governor Palin is a bad mom for bringing her family up on the stage with her after her speech. Supposedly she should have left her children at home --- or, at least, she should have left her 17 year old daughter and her youngest child at home.

She did nothing different from what all other candidates for political office have been doing ever since I can remember. Where was the criticism for all these men? Why are they not being accused of being bad dads? You would think the patriarchal crowd, who do like to go on about superior upper body strength making men naturally suitable to be leaders and protectors, would at least wonder aloud why all the male candidates are not protecting their families from the grave harm of appearing on stage at conventions! But, no...it is only mothers who are expected to protect their children and who fail by not doing so.

This "it's harmful for children to receive national attention" idea must be some kind of odd, new-fangled notion. Or maybe the patriarchal crowd was simply too young (or not alive yet?) to raise their strident protests against Jackie Kennedy when she exposed her grieving tots to national scrutiny at her husband's funeral. No one seemed to think that abusive. Can any of us who watched it on TV ever forget the sight of tiny John, in his short suit, saluting his father's casket? I don't recall, then or since, anyone castigating Mrs. Kennedy for being a bad mom that day.

So...why not have at it now? And why stop there? Why not attack all the wives of politicians for being bad moms and allowing their children to be dragged on stage? Why not attack all the pastor's wives for not protecting their children from being used as sermon illustrations or, worse, having to stand at the door of the church and shake everyone's hand in the dreaded pastoral family reception line Sunday after Sunday? (I think I'm seriously dating myself here!) Why not attack all wives of public figures whose children are not being protected from having to appear at public functions, pose for the obligatory family pictures, and serve as props to further their father's professional image?

And the fathers who insist on these things? Why, they get a free ride, of course. Because they are only fathers. And what they do doesn't impact their children as much. What they do as fathers interests us less than their all-important careers and professions.

But let a mother get on our bad side! Why, it's open season!

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The mark of a true leader?

2008-09-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

Note to the humor-impaired. The following is a joke. Really. About the only true thing is the first sentence, and the final quote from the same pastor. But the rest of it is admittedly absurd and meant to be funny. In fact, it reminds me of a joke:

Q. How many patriarchs does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Only a man-hating, ungodly feminist would think that was funny! Stop your male bashing! It's not funny!! Repent!!!

Recently on the internet, I read the following, written by a pastor: "My own thoughts begin with broad shoulders and superior upper body strength when it comes to God’s gifting for the calling of ruling men."

Realizing that I needed to check this out, I immediately called the pastor who had penned these words. He is a kindly, gentle-spirited man who was more than happy to let me know, as nicely as possible, that it did require broad shoulders and superior upper body strength in order to rule men and that, in fact, this was the obvious sign that God had chosen both men in general and a specific man in particular to lead. This was especially true in the Church. Leaders must be strong, manly men. And, he assured me, he was just that sort of man.

I immediately knew what I had to do. Offspring #3, a strapping young man, is always up for a challenge, especially a physical one. He was more than happy to meet with this pastor. Our appointment was that very afternoon.

It turns out that pastor in question is...well, not exactly slim. If his shoulders are broad, it is only because the rest of him is broad. And wide. And deep. But perhaps, underneath all that, lurked a man of superior upper body strength. We were there to find out.

The first test was push-ups. Pastor Un Trim offered to go first. This proved to be more of a challenge than any of us had foreseen. It was sort of like the equivalent of my attempting to do push-ups with a huge, heavy beach ball attached to my stomach. To be polite, we agreed that perhaps push-ups were not the best test. But my son could not resist having me demonstrate how many I could do.

The pastor was aghast. Trying to maintain his gentle composure, he said kindly, but with gritted teeth, "I'm sure there is a Scripture warning women against doing push-ups that pertain to a man. Besides, as your son said, they really don't prove anything."

So it was on to the bench press. Then the shoulder press. Then arm wrestling. By this time, dear Pastor Un Trim was not only drenched in prespiration and completely exhausted, but he was near tears. Just as my son was suggesting another contest, the pastor weakly sighed, "Uncle."

"Huh?" asked my son.

"You win."

So that's how my thirdborn, at the tender age of 18, became a pastor. It was clear that he possessed the broad shoulders and superior upper body sttrength needed to lead men. All the elders agreed, and they also politely refused to challenge him.

"That must be why," one elder said, "Paul told Timothy not to let others despise his youth. It's hard not to be envious of your strength and youthful vigor."

One of the elders' wives was obviously enjoying all this a bit too much. My son has the bad habit of exercising without his shirt on, and had begun to do so. Everyone watching had put an immediate stop to this, screaming in horror when the pastor began removing his own shirt. Now the elder's wife asked teasingly, "Pastor Un Trim, what was it that you wrote about feminists and chests?"

The dejected pastor quoted himself, "Feminists aren't limited in their rebellion to the commands of Scripture but hate and seek to obliterate even the distinction between man and woman visible on our chests. So sad, really--isn't it?"

"Yes, it is sad," the elder's wife agreed. "And I couldn't help but notice how our new pastor has such a manly chest, but you --- you --- why, you look like a big fat girl! So maybe it's not really the feminists who are trying to obliterate that distinction, huh?"

But all is not lost. Word has it that Pastor Un Trim has been dieting and hitting the gym. In fact, he has challenged my son to a rematch in six months. He figures by then he'll be strong enough to win his pulpit back.

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What kind of feminist is THAT?!

2008-09-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Normally politics is not my thing. But the Palin nomination, and the response to it, has been so interesting, and so revealing as to attitudes about women, children, families, etc. I just can't help but write about it.

A lot of ultra-conservatives are extremely uncomfortable with Governor Palin. It's bad enough that she is a woman governor. Some of them could almost bring themselves to overlook that. But her real crime is that she is a member of Feminists for Life. Feminists. Yet, it's hard to savage and vilify her for that because...well...she puts to lie their favorite whipping-girl stereotype of feminist.

I'm reminded of the t-shirt, "This is what a feminist looks like".

The angry anti-feminists would rather not admit that a feminist can look like Governor Palin. She's not a man-hating lesbian with short hair stridently shouting about abortion rights. Instead, she is, as one reporter noticed, "pro-baby, pro-guns, and pro-Jesus". She is married. She has five children. She has been widely photographed going about her business with her baby in a sling. She is not shrill or angry. She actually has a sense of humor. And she's feminine, to the point that a popular bumper slogan in her state says "Alaska. Coldest State. Hottest Governor".

Other than working outside the home, she is that fantasy ideal wife for many of the ultra-conservative men. If she were a housewife at a homeschooling convention with Trig in her sling, men would be falling over themselves to hold her up as an example for their wives, and they would be commenting with envy, "Man, her husband is one lucky dude. She's not only pretty and feminine and having babies in her 40's, but she even goes moose hunting. She's the perfect wife."

Those same men simply don't want to admit that this sort of woman could possibly be a feminist. It makes it harder when a feminist looks so much the way you wished your wife did. It makes it harder to scream that all feminists are angry, bitter, ugly women that men would never want anyway, and who now hate all men and want to murder all babies.

"Real women" can be feminists too. I'm reminded of a woman I read about, a self-proclaimed feminist. She may have also been a member of Feminists for Life; I'm not sure, but I do know she was involved in pro-life ministry. She was also pretty and feminine with a fairly large family. In addition, she was a stay-at-home homeschooling mom who loved to cook, sew, and involve herself in stereotypically feminine pursuits. Men liked to argue with her and tell her that she was not a feminist, that she didn't understand what it meant to be a feminist, etc. She had her degree in Feminist Studies and could, of course, argue circles around these men, since she had actually studied feminist literature and was not relying on some pastor's ill-informed anti-feminist rhetoric or on silly stereotypes. She tended to baffle these men.

But it's not just the ultra-conservative men who don't know what to do with someone like Governor Palin. It's the ultra-left as well.

You see, Governor Palin is committing the crime of "doing it all". Worse yet, she's doing it all while wearning Trig in a sling. She's not insisting on the necessity of abortions and child care. She's simply doing what mothers without a socialistic agenda have always done --- working at one's calling while tending one's babies.

No one --- at least not the ultra-conservatives or the ultra-left --- want to admit that this is possible. It makes them angry. It puts to lie their hostile rhetoric. Mothers must stay home! Children get in the way of a woman's career! Babies have no place in the working world! Babies should be rarely seen and certainly not heard! Having a baby with an extra chromosone is a tragedy that will ruin your life or, at the very least, make it impossible for you to do anything else but spend 24 exhausting hours a day completely consumed by your special-needs child! Real women don't work! Real women don't go moose hunting! Real women don't have babies in their 40's! Real women are pro-abortion! Real women don't seek to rule over men! Real women need child care in order to live their lives! Real women never need any household help! Real women...!

Very few want to admit that, yes, Governor Palin is what a feminist looks like. And it's ridiculous to try to claim that she's not a real woman.

Many are much more comfortable with the idea that Hillary Clinton is what a feminist looks like.

The truth of the matter is that feminists are sort of like Baptists in that when you get two together, you have at least three opinions. Unlike Baptists, feminist embrace a much wider variety of beliefs and practices.

So...she may not be the sort of feminist you like to throw darts at. She may not be the sort of feminist that fits your stereotype. She may not be the sort of feminist you are. But she's a feminist. In fact, there are more just like her. Get used to it. Maybe every feminist is not your enemy...or not just like you. Or maybe some are more like you than you're comfortable admitting...it all depends on your perspective.

Time to face the truth, uncomfortable though it may be. Time to let go of the sterotypes...to argue ideas rather than straw women!

Updated to add:

This picture, taken --- to the best of my knowledge --- right before Governor Palin's speech accepting the vice presidential nomination, has been circulating on the internet, sometimes with the caption, "This is what a feminist looks like".

And why are so many uncomfortable with this picture? What does it tell us about what we really think about feminists and, more importantly, what we really think about women, especially mothers?

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A woman's highest calling

2008-09-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

A must read! Amy muses humbly about woman's highest calling.

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Why do "conservatives" sound so much like feminists?

2008-09-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's really starting to both annoy and amuse me. In all the hooplah about the Palin nomination (and now the teen pregnancy) coming from the conservative side, I'm noticing something startling: they sound a lot like feminists. Oh, of course, they wouldn't admit it. And they certainly don't sound like feminists when they are saying that Governor Palin should stay home full time, and/or that her daughter's pregnancy is a result of the mother being outside of the home.

How do they sound like feminists?

They really don't act as if the role of the father is at all important. They ignore Governor Palin's husband entirely, unless it is to feel sorry for him for having an "unsubmissive" wife. His presence in the home, or his absence from it, seems to have --- at least based on what they are writing --- no influence on the children at all. Or at least it's not even significant enough to mention. He's not even significant enough to mention.

No one asks, where was the father? No one asks, should he have been more involved in his daughter's life? Could her pregnancy be a sign that he has failed her in some way?

No one asks these questions because...well, despite giving the rare lip service to the contrary, no one really thinks the role of the father is that important in the home. Most complementarians and patriarchalists really don't think that marriage and the raising of children is that tremendously important. Oh, sure, it is very important for women --- for them, it is their highest (and should be only) calling. But men have far more important work, dominion work, grand vision work. Being a husband and father is not a calling. It is something to be done as a sideline, almost like a hobby. Of course, the husband/father had better make sure he is "in charge", but no one really expects a father to make all that significant of a difference. Oh, sure, they'll tell women that they need to get married and that children need fathers, and that everyone needs to submit to the husband/father, but when they place blame for things wrong in the family, it's the wife/mother who gets blamed. That's where the buck almost always seems to stop. The husband/father escapes their notice.

And that's very telling.

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Let's be honest...and humble...

2008-09-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

Edited to add this introduction to my post:

Yes, this is my response --- as a conservative, Christian mother --- to the announcement that the single, teenage daughter of Governor Palin (McCain's choice for vice president) is currently pregnant and planning to marry the father of her child.

I am open to suggestions that a Christian response should be something different...and Biblical reasons as to why.

I'd also like to hear from those, especially conservative Christian mothers, who either agree or disagree with the substance of my "confession". Do you relate? Why or why not?

I am freely confessing the following to my half-a-dozen or so readers, and urging that other mothers join me in being both honest and humble. Let us not rush to judgment. Let us not hold other mothers to impossible standards. Let us realize how much we all need Jesus, how much we all benefit from His grace.

So, on to the confessions:

1. I am not a better parent than God. Beginning with Adam and Eve, all of His children have sinned. Every single one, except for Jesus. So have mine. While at times I wish we didn't have free choice and sinful natures, I am so thankful for the remedy for sin that God provided through His Son Jesus. I stand in desperate need of that remedy. So do my children.

2. Like every mother of many who has neither been born to privilege, nor been able to afford household help, nor has had a husband who enjoyed paternity leave, nor has had the luxury of extended family/church members with no other responsibilities, I have had to return to work fairly soon after the births of my babies. Meals needed preparing, children needed tending, raising, and feeding, babies and toddlers needed changing, the house needed cleaning, and my host of responsibilities to my husband and children didn't abruptly end just because I had a newborn. That's life, especially for the middle-class and working class. Sitting in an office doing paperwork and answering phones, with my baby in a sling, would have seemed like a welcome break on many days. But envy should not make me attack a mother who ventures to her office, just like it should not make me attack mothers whose husbands are able to wait on them hand and foot for six weeks post-partum. God chose my path for me. It's one I don't regret.

3. I have ignored doctors' advice and even direct orders. I willingly, no eagerly, got pregnant with my first child. I have refused pre-natal testing. I have had more than two children. I have breastfed my children. I have given birth in my late 30's. I have not hired a nanny. Etc., etc. While many viewed me reckless and irresponsible for these choices, they were made after much prayerful research. I don't regret any of them. In fact, they all turned out to be, even more so in hindsight, the best choices in our particular situation.

4. I have sinned. Yes, even today. Without the grace of God, I am ruined. Utterly without hope. Not only am I a sinner but, even when I mean well, I am not all wise. I don't have perfect understanding. I make mistakes. I fail. I fall down. But...God still loves me. Someday, when I get to Heaven, it will not be because my theology was correct, or because I wasn't a feminist, or because I stayed home with my babies. It will not be because of my own efforts. It will not be because I meant well or was sincere. It will not be because my good deeds outweighed my bad. It will not be because I am basically a good person, because I'm really not. It will be only because of Jesus.

5. And the few good things about me? The few good things I may accomplish along the way? Jesus deserves all the credit for that as well. I am weak; He is strong. The right things I do are only through Him Who strengthens me.

What about you?

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Should a woman be vice president?

2008-08-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

Here's one well-thought out answer (from a homeschooling mom) to the question of whether a wife and mother should take on the role of vice-president.

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The two shall become one

2008-08-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

And, as the old joke goes, "But which one?"

I believe it is a new one, a one which never existed before. Some say this mystery speaks only of the fact that the married couple has sex. I've written about this elsewhere.

I believe it speaks of unity.

The two become one, and that one is a sum greater than its parts. No one dies; no one disappears. In fact, you become more. You become completed in this other person. In Christ, you become the three-chord strand that is not easily broken.

It's a good thing.

Yes, because we are sinful creatures, there are struggles along the way. Sometimes we want selfishness, power, laziness --- whatever --- over unity. Sometimes our natural inclinations make us seek out friends and advisers who encourage us to set other things ahead of unity. Marriage is not so much about unity, they will say. It's really about who is the boss. It's about a CEO and a plant manager and a bunch of employees-in-training. It's about a commanding officer, an enlisted soldier, and a bunch of raw recruits in boot camp. It's about getting what you want. It's about manipulating your husband into doing whatever you don't want to do, and being all self-righteous about how submissive you are. It's about the fact that men and women are so different that they can't possibly be one in any way other than through sexual intercourse. It's about having babies and little else. It's about the superiority of all males over all females. It's about winning in the culture wars. It's about providing men with an alternative to prostitutes and pornography, with the added benefit of a live-in cook and maid. It's about providing women with a free ticket to easy street, so they'll never have to work at a real job again. It's about me, me, me, and whether I am fulfilled and whether my needs are met and whether my spouse does what I want.

And, if it is about being one, let's make sure that I am THE ONE. I won't see beyond me. When I look at my spouse, all I see is me. It's all about me, me, me, me, me...

You know what? I don't get any of that when I read the Bible and see what it actually says about marriage. I don't read about business plans and military conquests and husbands wielding swords against their wives. I don't read about selfishness becoming sanctified and acceptable in marriage. I don't read that it's suddenly OK to seize authority and to ignore Christ's example of coming to serve rather than to be served. I don't read that passivity and weakness and manipulativeness and guile are wifely virtues.

Instead, I read about unity. I read about love, the sort of love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13. I read about living together in understanding. I read about respect. I read about submission. I read about being one. Not being one person or the other. Being one, both together in unity.

Recently I heard a husband who said that, no, he didn't submit to his wife. He didn't believe that was Biblical. But he did submit to the Lord and to his marriage. Specifically, he submitted himself to maintaining and increasing unity and intimacy with his wife. His wife submitted to him and, since that was his goal for their marriage, she was happy that it was her goal as well. In fact, that is a big factor in why she married him. They both believed that, in unity with Christ and with each other, they could serve Him far better than they could separately.

I've worked in the business world. I really am not looking to pretend to be a plant manager and to have a respectful, professional relationship with the CEO of the company. Because, the truth of the matter is that I know this is, at best, a distant relationship. I never wanted to have sexual relations with any of my bosses. It would have been unseemly and inappropriate and an abuse of his power. So why pretend this is a model for marriage? I don't want a business arrangement. I want a real marriage --- a Biblical marriage. The corporate world holds no appeal for me.

I believe in the order of creation. I take it literally. All six days. I honestly believe that it all happened in just that order. God can set me straight when we get to Heaven, and He can chuckle at my naive simplicity. But, in the meantime, I'll take His Words at face value. I also believe Him when He declared it all good.

That's not all I believe. I also believe that the husband should leave his parents and that he should become one with his wife. For some men, that has meant giving up their dreams, their entitlements, their friends --- all for the sake of unity with their wives. All for the sake of loving their wives as Christ loved the Church, giving up His life for it.

I also believe that God meant what He said when He declared that a man who finds a wife finds what is good, and finds favor with God. And I believe His warnings against husbands dealing treacherously with their wives. And I believe that a man's poor relationship with His wife can directly hinder his prayer life.

There is so much more that I believe...

I also believe that we are to die to ourselves, take up our crosses daily, and live for Christ.

And I believe that there is only one God, and that He is a jealous God.

I believe that, as wives, our desire for our husband can be so strong, so overwhelming, that we are tempted to make an idol of this man. Even though the Bible teaches us to be one with our husbands, it does not teach us to put this unity, this intimacy, ahead of God. God is a jealous God. He does not take kindly to idolatry, whether it is self or another that we worship.

I believe that husbands are tempted to rule over their wives, and that too many of them far prefer this over intimacy and unity. It is safer for them, more comfortable, and gets them what they want. Very few want true servanthood. They especially do not want to serve a woman.

But I believe that Christian marriage is different --- or should be different --- from what so many are stridently claiming marriage should be.

It's so much better. So much better. On the day I was married, I thought my father-in-law sweet but quaint and idealistic when he prayed a prayer over us that included the word "bliss" to describe marriage. Yes, he was sweet. Perhaps a bit quaint and idealistic as well. But not so much as I thought at the time. He knew. He grew into being a good husband. He laid down his own life. He gave much and served much, especially in his later years. He knew. He had experienced that bliss first hand --- the rewards of his obedience to Christ.

May we give up on the world's ideas of marriage, even if they are trumpeted forth loudly and eloquently and convincingly by those claiming to be Christian. May we instead submit to Christ and follow Him in all things, especially in our marriages. May we discover the bliss, the good thing, that God has always intended marriage to be.

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At the risk of turning this into a political blog...

2008-08-30T18:19:00.000-07:00

I'm posting a few links:

From someone who has known Governor Palin for years and worked on her last campaign

Why McCain picked Palin

10 Facts about Sarah Palin

Defending Against the First Attacks on Sarah Palin

Barbara Curtis addresses some of the Christian opposition to Governor Palin

A joke. Really. It's not true.

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And while we're on the subject...

2008-08-30T16:15:00.000-07:00

This is such a great picture:

It reminds me of something that I learned, as a new mom, from a far more experienced mom who acted as a mentor to many younger women. Often we'd gather for an assortment of different work/fellowship activities, all of us younger moms with babies (and sometimes toddlers and other children). While tending to our children, encouraging each other, and attacking the task at hand, we would often be encouraged by this older mother, "Isn't it amazing what a determined mother can accomplish with a baby in her arms or in a sling?"

Yes, it is.

And it was a welcome, much needed message for me. It seemed that, outside of that group of mothers, almost everyone else was trying to convince me that babies and children just got in the way, and were a great impediment to any sort of meaningful activity. From this group of mothers, I learned that the world didn't come to a horrible, screeching halt unless I hired babysitters so that I could get on with the real purpose of living. As this experienced mom would remind us, mothers with babies have always worked. Well, except for the wealthy, privileged ones who were of the leisure class...

"Do you work?" people used to ask me. I was tempted to say, "No, I sit on the couch and eat bon-bons all day while my servants do all the work." The cure to that question? Going out in public with a stair-step brigade of young children. Suddenly it made the question seem silly.

Some of us have the luxury of working with our little ones in tow. Some of us don't. Some of us have the luxury of being self-righteous about our work choices. Some of us forego that luxury. But the real women among us, especially the mothers --- we all work. And often it's with a baby in a sling.

That picture of Governor Palin really resonates with me. I know that some of my fellow Christians believe it depicts an abomination and curse upon the state of Alaska, and possibly our nation. I believe it depicts a beautiful public testimony of motherhood.

Edited to add:

It seems that those who most decry the way mothers are demeaned in our society should be most pleased with pictures like this. In too many of life's arenas, especially the professional world (although some feminists are working to change that) mothers with babies are most unwelcome. Oh, it's OK to be a mother, as long as you usually keep your baby hidden away. And it's most unprofessional to attempt to conduct business with your baby in a sling! It's as if motherhood is best kept under wraps. It's just to be done at home, hidden away, almost like a shameful secret.

Governor Palin is exposing the lie to all that. She is completely, unashamedly, unapologetically, a mother. I found another picture of her online, in her office, with Trig in a sling, while signing some sort of important-looking document, acting as if this was the most common-place thing in the world.

How wonderful to bring a dedication to mother-baby togetherness, such bold living out of Christian motherhood, to the nation's attention in such a powerful way. This picture speaks volumes. Governor Palin, as vice president, might just elevate motherhood in the eyes of our nation. It's about time.

Wow. She even has more than the socially acceptable number of children. And McCain doesn't think any of that is a political liability.

Gives me hope for our country, it does.

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Don't fall over in shock!

2008-08-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm actually writing a political post.

We live in interesting times.

I've been visiting various sites on the blogosphere to get a sense of the reaction to the Palin nomination. Here's what I've run across:

1. Many conservatives are excited. Some who had planned to sit out the election or vote for a third party candidate are now planning to either vote for the McCain/Palin ticket or, at the very least, give McCain serious consideration.

2. People who are tired of politics as usual and the whole Washington good-old-boys network, and who were disappointed and betrayed when Mr. Hope and Change picked Mr. Entrenched Good Old Boy are delightfully surprised that McCain has picked a running mate who actually embodies change.

3. Those who enjoy the status quo of politics in America are, naturally, against this nomination. They simply cannot deal with the idea of a Washington outsider, a mom, a conservative woman, a "real person" as opposed to a political construct, being a heartbeat away from the presidency.

4. The anti-woman contingent is loud, vocal, and --- as usual --- offensive. They are opposed to Palin for no reason other than that she is a woman. Therefore, she has little or no other redeeming qualities, even if they agree with her politics. If they don't, they are even more strident in their opposition. I've read that, supposedly, I and all other women should be insulted at her nomination. I've read the expected trashing of her appearance: she is too pretty; she is not attractive enough; she looks like a working woman; she looks like a mom. I've read the expected trashing of her womanhood: if she were a real woman, she'd be home baking cookies; if she were a woman with a brain, she never would have gotten pregnant at age 43; if she were a real woman, she wouldn't take her baby to work with her; if she were a real woman, she wouldn't be pro-hunting and wouldn't have allowed her son to join the military; if she were a real woman, she would have never accepted the nomination from a man who is on his second marriage and obviously chose her only because he is attracted to her, etc.

5. The big city elitists have sounded their cry as well. They are all in a hither because she is from a small town in a largely rural state. She is not sophisticated enough for their tastes. She is too working class. She is...gasp...one of those people --- all those many plain folks like you and me who weren't born to privilege, who live in small towns, who know what it is like to work hard and have to count every penny, who have what some derisively refer to as "middle-class values", who prefer a simpler life, who enjoy family and hearth and home --- you know, those quaint people who aren't at all wealthy or hip or famous or glamorous, but are the backbone of America. It seems Palin has committed the great crime of being one of us. What a welcome change!

Updated because I forgot to add:

6. Those that oppose Christianity are, of course, almost fanatically opposed to this nomination, because Palin embodies all that they oppose. She is pro-life, not just in politics but in practice. She has had more than the socially acceptable number of children and she has even dared, knowingly, to allow her "abnormal" child to be born. She is strongly Christian in all her morals, values, and beliefs. Not only is she anti-corruption but, why, she even believes in Creation. One can see why those who oppose our faith and its practices cannot abide someone who seems to exemplify them so well.

Updated yet again to add:

Here's an article of interest on the topic.

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Response to the infamous poem

2008-08-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

Read my previous post, for this to make sense.

This response, in the form of an open letter, is well worth reading, especially the comments.

Edited to add:

For more responses, read the comments under my previous post: What is a wife?

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What is a wife?

2008-08-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

OK, I know I'm giving a certain blog way too much space than it deserves on my blog, but I was alerted to an interesting post and discussion over there. And I discovered one of the saddest, most haunting poems I've read in a long time. I'm not sure how the author intended it. If I'd read this poem in any other context, I would have assumed it was an extremely feminist poem, meant to point out what is wrong with the worst of "traditional" marriages. But I have to assume that this woman actually...well, meant what she said, and that she wasn't trying to make a shocking political statement against marriage. Maybe I'm missing something and misinterpreting her words.

So I'm asking my readers (all 5 of you) to read the poem "I Think You Want a Wife" and let me know what you think.

I am not ashamed to say that I do not worship my husband. He would be appalled if I did. He is godly enough not to want to be married to an idolater, even if he would be elevated to idol status.

I did not climb into a casket when I married. I die to Christ, imperfectly, but I do not die to mere mortals. Marriage, despite what the most extreme radical feminists (and Mr. Bayly's daughter-in-law) say, did not rob me of dignity. It did not make me disappear. Marriage has, by the grace of God, made me stronger, not weaker.

It is this bleak picture of marriage that makes some young women afraid to marry. Who wants to be forced to worship someone? Who wants to disappear, to be robbed of dignity, to purposefully weaken oneself, to cease to have any sort of ambition --- and then, in this helpless, hopeless state, to try to undergo the demanding task of raising children to the glory of God?

When I was warned, by a few radical feminists, but even more so by women in the church, that marriage would rob me of my person-hood, I was understandably a bit alarmed. My parents only laughed. "Does your mother seem to have lost her identity?" my father chuckled.

My parents, you see, are truly godly people who love Jesus with a great passion and who immerse themselves in the Word of God...and who live it out, humbly and without fanfare. My father loves my mother far too much to rob her of anything, especially her identity in Christ. He loves Jesus too much to want marriage to be anything less than what God intends it to be. Of course, my parents are human. They fall short. They sin. They would be the first to admit it. But rob each other of worth and dignity? Demand worship? Never.

I discovered that, in my mother's case and in my case, because we married men who attempt to love us in a way that will hopefully reflect Christ's love for the church, we lost nothing upon marriage. Oh, sure, for the last 24 years, I've hardly had what I used to consider a decent night's sleep. I've set aside what used to be my ambitions and dreams. I've done things I never wanted to do. My life has been turned topsy-turvy. But...oh, what I've gained. I've really lost nothing.

It's similar to coming to Christ. New converts are sometimes overwhelmed at what they are asked to "give up". Their focus is all on their dying and renouncing and sacrificing and losing. We are so eager to cram our idea of "take up your cross daily" down their throats that we forget to tell them the whole glorious truth.

We really don't give up anything. Not anything worthwhile anyway. Sure, a lot of garbage and rubbish gets thrown away. Some of it, in our foolishness, we are rather attached to. But, oh what we gain. We go from death to life. We get Jesus.

And sometimes a good marriage is a tiny, imperfect and smudged picture of that. We don't die. We aren't robbed of our dignity. We aren't forced to become idol-worshipers. Life does not become an endless drudgery of standing by someone's side,

"affirming, affirming, affirming, affirming, affirming, affirming
affirming, affirming, adoring, affirming, affirming, affirming"

No, if we marry well, we get a wonderful husband, a lifelong friend and companion, a father to our children, a protector and provider --- and we get a relationship that is full and intimate and life-giving, a relationship that is our haven in the storm. In that marriage, we discover a dignity and identity and purpose and strength that we never thought possible.

We become, with Christ at the center of our marriage, that three-strand cord that is not easily broken. Oh, what we gain.

If only all Christian marriage were like that. If only women would cease to make idols of their husbands. If only women were more willing to die to Christ and be made alive in Him, rather than feeling they had to die --- and stay dead --- on the altar of marriage. If only men were more willing to be humble servants of Christ, rather than usurping His role of prophet, priest, and king. If only men were less selfish, less willing to say, "When I look at my wife, I see myself". If only men would learn to better love their wives with the sacrificial love of Christ.

Then we would, as a Church, be telling the truth of the gospel in our marriages...marriages that would be joyous and long-lasting.

And the poems we would write! Joyous, triumphant, thankful, God-glorifying poems!

Updated to add:

Back when I got married (24 years ago this Sunday) it seems that most people were, in general, less negative about marriage than they are now. But I do recall that, although men in our church pretended that it was only with great reluctance that they married and though they made many jokes about the "ball and chain", it was pretty much understood that men tended to get the better deal in marriage. So there was a lot of "grin and bear it", "marriage isn't about you", "you need to be the grown-up" sort of advice given to young brides-to-be.

But what everyone definitely agreed upon is how awful it was to have children. Maybe "awful" is too strong a word, but everyone outside of our extended family had only negative things to say. The general consensus from non-relatives was that we should postpone the misery for as long as possible. Children were a detriment to marriage. I would lose all my freedom. My body would be destroyed and my husband would find it icky to get romantic with "someone's mother". Babies would scream constantly. It was all negative and bleak.

Of course, since I was significantly older than my younger brother, I remembered his early years vividly. No one's life was ruined. In fact, we were all tremendously enriched and agreed that he was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to our family. (When he got older, we older siblings felt a need to pretend otherwise at times...)

Life with a baby was wonderful! My parents actually believed that children were a gift from God --- a delightful, wonderful, joyous gift. So having my baby brother seemed like having Christmas all year round!

As soon as my husband and I became parents (days before our first anniversary) we discovered the closely guarded secret that few people want non-parents to know: babies are incredible. We couldn't get enough of our little guy. In the evenings, we were tempted to fight over who would get to hold him. "Who would have thought holding a baby would feel so good?" my husband would repeat with amazement.

Having a baby was just way too much fun, we decided. If people had any idea, they would all marry at 18 and have babies right away.

Oh, sure, I was incredibly sleep-deprived the first three months. I sometimes felt as if my life revolved around, as I called it, "input and output". (I tried to convince my husband that he should take over the output duties, but he refused.) There were many days of feeling overwhelmed, especially as we had more children. We were not footloose and fancy-free, able to flit about doing frivolous things at a moment's notice. Life was never the same again.

It was much better.

Because, you see, we had children! We didn't lose anything. We gained! In fact, we often felt as if we made out like bandits. All the horrible, dire predictions of misery and doom? Nope.

But...

Some people, especially women, seem afraid of joy. As my father jokes, they aren't happy unless they are miserable. They believe in embracing a life of martyrdom, and letting others know how difficult life is.

Marriage must be a path of death and sorrow and despair and loss, or how can it be godly? (These women usually will not marry well, but will prefer someone who will not disabuse them of the notion that marriage, for wives, is mostly a trial requiring great loss and sacrifice.)

Motherhood must be drudgery and meaninglessness and endless suffering and even more loss, or how can it be godly?

I'll admit that I sometimes have felt that life is unfair. I haven't suffered enough. I haven't been miserable enough. All the horrible things that people predicted when we were newlyweds have not come to pass. Sure, the years haven't been completely painless. I could tell labor and birth horror stories, for example. We've experienced loss and tragedy and disappointment and anguish. Many tears have been shed.

But all in all...have we lost anything? Have we given up anything of meaning? Have we been robbed of anything? No. We have gained. We have been blessed beyond comprehension, behind my wildest dreams.

God has been so good.

And that poem? I don't believe it. Oh, I'm almost sure that the woman who wrote it meant every word. But I don't believe that this is what God intended for marriage. I've tasted a tiny bit of what He intends. And it's beautiful and joyous and life-giving and...and...if people had any idea how wonderful marriage can be, everyone would be marrying at 18. Every man would want a wife and every woman would want a husband. And people would look on the writers of such poems with tearful pity...if only she had married well...if only she knew...

Edited slightly for clarity.

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Unbelievable

2008-08-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

Call me naive. Call me idealistic. But I actually think that people who claim to be Christians would, at the very least, make an attempt to be ethical and to obey simple laws. Oh, like for instance, copyright laws.

I am now officially tired and impatient. You see, I just decided to cut short my latest wearying internet search for my copyrighted articles that have been posted without my permission. There is at least one person that simply has refused to remove my article. Refuses. Will not do it. Doesn't think he/she has to. Doesn't care. Tries to argue that posting the copyright notice gives him/her unlimited permission to take my words and reprint them anywhere. Seems to think he/she owns my copyright now.

And this person --- along with the vast majority of those who have taken my words without my permission --- claims to be a Christian.

Maybe what I need to do, on my next sweep, is to make a list of the offending websites and post them here. Call out the violators of copyright laws. Perhaps it will stir their consciences.

This entire blog is copyrighted. Really. I mean it. You can link to it; you can even quote from it. [NOTE: taking all or most of a post and putting it on your blog is NOT "quoting".] But you didn't write it, so don't lift stuff from it without permission. Otherwise I will get highly annoyed. Besides, it's illegal and dishonest and not nice.

Note to professing Christians: you are not above the copyright laws. If you are one of those people who think you are, please repent. I'm serious. God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, but you do not own my words. Please, in the name of all that is decent and holy, stop stealing.

Same goes for my old website. Stop stealing. Please.

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Gone

2008-08-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

Our second child has left the nest. Only Daughter moved into her dorm room on Saturday. On Sunday, I brought her the rest of our carload of her things.

It still seems unreal. And unspeakably sad, even while it is exciting. Well, exciting for her...

I got to meet one of her roommates, and she seems delightful. She and my daughter hit it off right away. I'm looking forward to meeting the other two sometime.

It was so hard to leave my little girl. Of course, she's hardly a little girl anymore; she'll be 21 in a couple months. But...oh...how I already miss her so much!

Here is the view from her balcony. She brought her "pet", a small plant she started from a pineapple.

The little study nook, with two desks, is next to the balcony, and separated from the rest of the room by two wardrobes. The other two girls have an identical study area on their side of the room, with a bathroom in between.

We carried up the last of Only Daughter's things and put them on her bed. The dorm room looks pretty barren, and I joked about how my aunt should come and decorate it...or how I could paint the walls to make them look more colorful. Apparently there are rules about what can and can't go up on the walls. There goes my ideas of knick-knack shelves, paintings, curio cupboards, etc.!

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Week 4

2008-08-15T07:53:00.000-07:00

I just finished Week 4 of the Push-Up Challenge. Yay! Today I did:

Set 1: 25 push-ups
Set 2: 19 push-ups
Set 3: 19 push-ups
Set 4: 17 push-ups
Set 5: 25 push-ups

I still had to rest more than 2 minutes between sets, which makes me feel a bit like a wimpy slacker.

Next week looks like a real killer, especially the first day. I'm expecting that I'm going to have to drop down a category again, because I don't think I can manage 36 push-ups yet. I've noticed that it's harder for women my age to experience rapid improvement in the push-ups we can do, once we're cranking out around 25 or so. I've had quite a number of women plateau there. The other plateau that I've noticed is right around 35-40 push-ups. Currently I have a student who is having the hardest time working her way past 37 push-ups on our monthly push-up test.

Because of my shoulder, I've been a bit hesitant to do my push-ups all the way to failure, so I probably could actually squeeze out a few more. But I figure it's best to play it safe.

It will be interesting to see how next week goes.

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This morning

2008-08-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

Several of us bloggers have decided to hold ourselves accountable to our "public" as a means of motivating us to become better stewards of the bodies God has entrusted into our care. I'd encourage anyone who needs improvement in this area to join us!

When the alarm rang this morning, it jolted me out of a deep sleep, to the point that I actually felt disoriented and wondered, "What is that horrible sound?" Several late nights of falling asleep while watching the Olympics are, I'm afraid, taking their toll.

But I only languished in bed for about five minutes. Then I was up and rarin' to go. Well, not exactly. I was up, at least.

The laptop jumped out and demanded my attention on my way to the kitchen for a quick breakfast. But I fought it off until I was eating my oatmeal. Look, I'm multi-tasking, I insisted to myself. See how efficient I am.

But it was all a fiendish ploy. One email and one blog led to another. Finally I came to my senses and screamed, "Get behind me, you satanic computer!" and rushed out the door.

So I wasn't exactly on time for my morning workout, but I wasn't hideously late, either. Just late.

I warmed up with Prevention Magazine's "Advanced Interval Walk", which I have on my iPod, connected to a speaker. Only I jazz up the 16-minute workout by jogging during the faster walk intervals and by using an assortment of weights and martial arts weapons to add a little upper body warm-up during the slower intervals.

After that, I was ready to get down to the real workout. The state championships for our tournament circuit is this weekend, so I was working on kata (also known as "forms"). This morning I focused more on the weapons kata --- the main one that I intend to compete with, and the alternate in case I need to run a tie-breaker. But I also trained the empty hand kata that I'm going to run. In between that, I worked on another weapons kata, one that I usually tend to forget to practice. And it showed. Sigh.

Then there were a few exercises thrown in for good measure and I was out of time.

I left feeling good.

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Finding time for fitness

2008-08-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

It's not easy.

Back when I first started working out at the gym, I was so desperate to stop gaining weight and to start feeling less exhausted and decrepit, that I was willing to revamp my entire life. The only way I could fit in exercise, what with the Stair-Step Brigade needing near constant attention, was to work out early enough in the morning so that I would be home before Youngest Child would awaken and begin clamoring for me. My husband, to put it mildly, is not exactly a morning person. The last thing he wanted was for his mornings to start any earlier than 8:00, especially if it meant having to deal with a ravenous toddler who wasn't always Mr. Sunshine upon rising.

The gym was a 20 minute drive away. I needed to get home as close to 6:30 am as possible. That meant I had to leave the gym by about 6:10 at the latest. If I wanted an hour workout, I had to be on the way to the gym by 4:50. After a couple months, I began showing up at the gym right around their opening time of 4:30, just so that I could get in a full workout (weights, cardio, etc.) and be home in time to spare my husband from Ravenous, Fussy Toddler.

I don't know how I managed it. For one, I went to bed much earlier than I do now. My life was a lot less complicated. Now, the idea of staggering out of the house at 4:10 am seems impossible and almost horrific. And do it three to four days per week? Ha!

These days, I struggle to get to the dojo, only 3 minutes away, by 6:00 am. I find myself making excuses for not getting out of bed when the alarm rings. Once I'm up, all sorts of things seem to beckon for my attention. I make excuses --- I'll just skip my workout this morning! After all, I already spend so much time at the dojo! Ah, I must remind myself, spending time teaching is not the same as spending time exercising.

This morning I arrived at the dojo over an hour later than I had planned. But I did get in a good workout, beginning with the dreaded push-up torture regimen. And, after tonight's classes, I even got in a mini-workout. So I'm feeling good.

Maybe tomorrow I'll actually get there on time!

Post contains minor edits to remove odd ambiguities.

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A picture of the Saviour's love

2008-08-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

When we literally can't put one foot in front of the other, He carries us. In fact, it is always Him. It is all grace. I'm not the one who runs the race, the one who fights the good fight. When I get to Heaven, completely by His grace, any crown I may receive will be His.

This video is such a wonderful reminder of that truth. A son who cannot run or swim or bicycle finishes the toughest triathlon, the Ironman, because of his father's love.

Updated to add:

If you want to know more about the amazing "Team Hoyt", here's a video that gives some additional background.

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What really happened

2008-08-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

This post will not make sense unless you read "Hero worship?" first.

Husband: The edger isn't working right.

Child (thinking, as I did, that he meant the lawn edger): But it worked great yesterday, when I used it!

Husband (meaning a piece of equipment at work): Huh? You weren't even in the office.

Child: Of course not. I was too busy edging and mowing the lawn.

Much laughter as the confusion was cleared up.

Me: Did you shoot it?

Everyone: HUH?

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Hero worship?

2008-08-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

For context, read "Can you translate that?"

Youngest Child: Mama, why did that crazy looking man shoot his lawnmower?

Me: Well, Youngest, it very well could be because he's an over-drinking person. And that turned him into a bad-healthy-in-the-brain person. At least he seems to have been one on the day he shot the lawnmower.

Other Child: How can you say that? He belongs to my pantheon of mid-western heroes!

Me: You know, Other, I think it's high time school started again. While it's commendable that you used the word "pantheon" in a sentence, I think your poor choice of heroes is either a result of not fully understanding the word "hero", or because you haven't learned enough about people actually worthy of that description.

Other Child: So you mean you don't want me to be like him when I grow up?

Me: No.

Other Child: Then maybe I shouldn't tell you about what I did this afternoon when the lawnmower was acting up...

This post, depicting an imaginary conversation that never actually took place, is copyrighted. Don't worry; nothing actually happened to our lawnmower. This post is a complete work of fiction. Well, except for the fact that there was a guy who actually did shoot his lawnmower...and there's another guy who thought it was an act of heroism. As for the copyright stuff --- please read and honor the copyright notice at the bottom of the sidebar. Thank you.

Do not forsake me, my beloved

2008-08-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

That's what the subject line of the email said. My heart was gripped by this plea. Surely I would not forsake this friend who loved me so dearly!

Quickly I read the email. Dearest beloved friend, it began. Could it possibly be? A long lost friend from my past? I know this letter may be a very big surprise to you. Oh, yes. But what a delightful surprise, after all these years!

I came across your email contact from my personal search and I instructed the doctor here in this hospital to help me email you and I believe that you will be honest to fulfill my final wish before I will die.

What?! Tears sprung to my eyes. To lose my dear friend yet again, just after she finally found me? How could life be so cruel? I began desperately weeping for my long lost friend, now on her death bed. It took at least 20 minutes before I was finally able to dry my eyes, try to restrain my grief, and attempt to go on reading. Yes, I will do anything for my dear friend, especially since it is her final, dying wish! Eager to find out where she was, so I could immediately fly to her bedside and tend to her in her last hours, I read:

I am Madam. Gloria Caldwell from LONDON, I am 68 years old, I am deaf and suffering from a long time cancer of the breast, which also affected my brain.

Yes, apparently so. Or otherwise she would surely know that I am not her beloved friend. And that I won't fall for her inheritance scam.

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If I claim I want to be held accountable...

2008-08-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

...then why am I hiding my nifty new weight loss ticker at the bottom of my blog?

Sigh.

Why do I have to ask myself these sorts of questions?

OK, so now you'll have to endure seeing it, right at the top. So will I. Maybe the weight will go off and stay off this time. Maybe I'll make this goal.

If not, well...hopefully I won't chicken out and remove the weight loss ticker when I admit defeat!

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Why I post

2008-08-10T12:32:00.000-07:00

Someone has obviously been spying on me.

Comic from xkcd

The mysterious one-fleshness of marriage

2008-08-09T06:57:00.000-07:00

Over on the Bayly Blog, they are getting their knickers all in a twist, as usual, but since I've written about that elsewhere, I really wanted input from my readers about one of the comments:

This two-for-one sort of talk sounds remarkably like the press for Denver Seminary's new president when he was hired.

Must be an egal thing, right?

One of the great mysteries of marriage is that the "two become one". What does that really mean?

Yes, yes, I know that I sometimes am far too idealistic, too romantic, too head-up-in-the-clouds. Over the years, I've been told that it's "obvious" that all that is meant by the "one flesh" union of marriage is (pick one):

Married people have sex. Having sex makes you one flesh. Sheesh, Rebecca, you are so dense. Either that, or you're a prude. All God meant is that married people have sex. Why do you have to try to make a big deal out of everything? There is no mystery here. It's just simple biology.
The husband is the head and the wife is the body. Good grief, Rebecca, can't you read? This is so plain. What God is saying here is that women need to obey their husbands.
Married people have babies. Do I really have to explain this to you, Rebecca? The DNA from the husband and the wife combines and "creates" a new person --- the two literally become one flesh! Maybe if you hadn't been writing poems in Algebra class, you wouldn't be such a doofus at science and you would be able to understand the obvious!
It means something mysterious and profound. It speaks of a deep spiritual truth, and is a picture of our unity with Christ. It's hard for us selfish individuals to understand this, Rebecca. Sin gets in the way of our comprehending how complete, how mysterious, this truth is --- and we all fail at living out the unity we are supposed to have in marriage.

One flesh...I've known a few married couples who seemed so...so one. My parents are much like that. Oh, sure --- they don't always agree on everything. But their unity is truly amazing to me. (Sometimes, as a child, it annoyed me that they were so united in everything. Play one off the other? Impossible! It seems as if they were always acting and thinking in one accord.)

So...if we are supposed to be living out this wonderful unity in our marriages, acting as one flesh, and if the wife is supposed to be the "suitable helper" for her husband, why do people get all bent out of shape when someone acknowledges publicly that his wife is his helper in more than just domestic chores, and that she ministers with him, in unity, at his side? Isn't it more Biblical to get "two for one"?

So, gentle readers, what do you think?

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Push-up Challenge Update

2008-08-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

This morning I completed week 3 of the challenge. It was my toughest day yet, but I was able to crank out each of the required push-ups:

Set 1 -- 25 push-ups (Yay! Most I've been able to do since I first injured my shoulder a few years ago.)
Set 2 -- 19 push-ups
Set 3 -- 19 push-ups
Set 4 -- 17 push-ups
Set 5 -- 22 push-ups

That's a grand total of 102 push-ups!

To be perfectly honest, I had to wait a bit longer than 2 minutes between some of those sets, especially between sets 4 and 5.

The good news is that doing 10 push-ups now seems almost ridiculously easy to me. I'm also going even lower, with almost each push-up being pretty much as low as it's possible to go (i.e., without actually touching the floor). I'm discovering that I'm engaging more of the muscles in my back...and I'm realizing why fitness buffs are such fans of push-ups!

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Weight loss goal

2008-08-08T07:15:00.000-07:00

A reasonable, healthy weight for my height and frame is 125 pounds. It's the weight I should be. Maintaining that weight, alas, has been a major struggle these past few years. I could make excuses, lots of them...but that would not keep the weight off.

So I'm challenging myself publicly: 5 pounds in 50 days. It's do-able.

Help keep me accountable, OK?

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She's leaving home

2008-08-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe --- in fact, I'm pretty much in denial --- but Only Daughter is leaving the nest in a mere couple of weeks. She's headed off into the big, wide world to finish her last two years of college. Eldest Son, of course, was the first to venture forth. But I had no idea of the horrible precedent he was setting.

Well, of course, that's not entirely true. Whenever you have more than the socially acceptable number of children, you are constantly aware of the whole issue of precedence being set. You agonize over it. After the first one leaves, you consider bolting the doors, to prevent the mass exodus.

She's promised she's coming back. Below is a picture from a few months back, when she graduated from our local community college.

Ah, it's hard to let go. So bittersweet...

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If you are a woman...

2008-08-04T10:25:00.000-07:00

...and you never read another thing, read this:

God's View of a Woman

It was like a healing balm to my soul, touching me in my deepest places. Truly, my Savior does really love me. He doesn't love me any less for my gender. I am not "less than" in His eyes:

But beyond all these wonderful things that the Lord did in showing us how beautiful women are in His eyes, He did something else. He chose you--a woman to depict that which He came to earth to die for--His very Bride. And He is not ashamed.

And...

Sisters, you are fellow heirs in the Kingdom of God. You are fellow priests in the church of God. You are honored. You are cherished. You are valuable. You are needed.

You are His friends, His followers, His daughters, yea, His own kin.

Updated to clarify:

Someone said the equivalent of, "Well, duh! This is news to you? It took that article to convince you that God loves you?"

Well, no, not really. But given the many clamoring voices today that claim that women are not created in the image of God, that only males can be fully Christ-like, that most of the Bible was written to men only, and other equally disturbing messages --- well, it's hard not to feel beaten down at times, and full of doubts. My head may know one thing, but it is good to have the glorious message of God's unqualified love for women penetrate into the deep recesses of my heart as well.

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The 100 push-up challenge

2008-08-03T13:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Kat, I found out about the Hundred Push-ups Challenge. On Friday, I finished my second week.

The program starts out by having you test how many push-ups you can do. To be honest, I'm ashamed of how few I am able to do. For the past 4-5 years, I've had ongoing troubling bouts of biceps tendinitis and related shoulder pain, and for about half of that time, I've been forbidden by a physical therapist to do push-ups because of the strain it was putting on my shoulder.

So, alas, all I could crank out was 18 push-ups. To my defense, I have to say that they were in good form. And what is a good push-up? Here is the description from the challenge website:

Instructions for "good-form" push ups
Lie prone on the ground with hands placed as wide or slightly wider than shoulder width. Keeping the body straight, lower body to the ground by bending arms at the elbows. Raise body up off the ground by extending the arms. Repeat.
Body weight should be lifted by the arms; don't be tempted to use your butt, stomach or the lower half of your body to pull yourself up. To maintain correct body alignment, imagine a straight line running from your head down to your ankles.

And, from an Army basic training website:

Tips: Kneel down on the floor and place your hands flat on the floor and slightly wider than shoulder width apart. With your shoulders directly over your hands, straighten your arms. Move your feet back, placing your toes on the floor, so that your knees are off the floor and your legs are straight. At this point, your body should form a straight line from your shoulders to your ankles. Your body should remain straight throughout this exercise. Keep your head and neck in line with your body so that your are looking down toward the floor. This is the starting position. In a controlled fashion, lower your body down toward the floor, bending your elbows, until your body is nearly touching the floor. Now, push your body up away from the floor, straightening your arms, until you have returned to the starting position. If you need to reduce the intensity of this exercise you can perform the pushup from your knees.

In our martial arts classes, we require that students not only keep their bodies straight, but that their heads be either in line with or above their shoulders. Arms need to be bent at least 90 degrees, with the chest coming close to the floor.

I can --- and do --- demonstrate good push-up form in class, but I can't keep it up for very long. So I jumped at the idea of the push-up challenge. I've tried various push-up regimens in the past, but this one seemed quite doable, and didn't involve lots of time or push-ups scattered throughout the day.

By the end of the first week, I was somewhat sore. By last week, the push-ups I was doing seemed easier, even though I've been working out on the heavy bag a lot more and expected my upper body muscles to be more easily fatigued.

I would encourage everyone to take on the challenge. If you haven't done "real push-ups" in years, the website suggests modifications to make them easier. There's no reason not to get started!

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Can you translate that?

2008-08-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

Coming from a multi-lingual extended family, I learned early on to appreciate the humor that accompanies attempts at communicating in nonnative languages.

I recently received an email from China, alerting me to an exciting product. So I checked out the website and enjoyed statements such as the following:

The elders and the infants must be accompanied by experienced adult when they are using this equipment. Heart sufferers, hypertension sufferers, bad-healthy persons and over-drinking-persons must use the equipment carefully.

Doesn't this express things much better than our usual way of speaking? I don't know about you, but I'm thinking of adding "bad-healthy persons" and "over-drinking-persons" to my vocabulary, as in...

Me: We need to pray for Buford's mother.

Husband: Why? What's going on?

Me: Buford told me she's a bad-healthy person and asked for prayer.

OR...

Youngest Child: Mama, why did that crazy looking man shoot his lawnmower?

Me: Well, Youngest, it very well could be because he's an over-drinking person. And that turned him into a bad-healthy-in-the-brain person. At least he seems to have been one on the day he shot the lawnmower.

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Cool Stuff

2008-08-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

I was going to write about iPhone apps, and maybe I will...in a future post. But there's much cooler stuff...

There is a plethora of "cool stuff" these days, whether it's handy gadgets, nifty technological wonders, kitchen appliances, or whatever. I've written about a few of these things.

But there's stuff that is way cooler than just...stuff. And here's just a little sample:

Foggy mornings. On those mornings, it sometimes looks like we're living on the edge of the world, with nothing beyond our backyard. Such days are made for drinking hot chocolate and enjoying a world shrouded in mist. Like this morning
Early summer mornings when you feel the anticipation of heat but it's still cool. We very rarely get those around here. But when I experience those, it brings back memories of my childhood.
Morning workouts that leave you sweaty and spent --- but strangely invigorated and much more ready to face the day.
Two year olds. The ultimate in cool stuff and cool people.
Dogs that greet you excitedly when you return home.
Back rubs.
Freshly picked berries.
Freshly picked cherries.
Good coffee.
The Sunday newspaper.
Porch swings. Someday maybe I'll have a porch and a swing.
Beach bonfires. We live close to where we can drive on the beach, hauling in our big supply of firewood, chairs, food, and more --- and build a wonderful bonfire. Ah...

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What is godly womanhood?

2008-07-31T09:31:00.000-07:00

Recently I read an article titled "Becoming a Godly Woman" by Candace Watters. In it, she responds to a an interesting letter that says, in part:

Would you throw in your thoughts on becoming a biblical woman?
I have trouble with this topic because it seems to me that manhood is "earned," whereas womanhood is just a fact about myself — if anything, my womanhood is something that I may need to transcend (these are observations from the wider culture, but I do not think they are always countered by the church). In other words, I feel like manhood is a trophy to be won, and womanhood is like a prize you get for participation.

Candace Watters answers mainly by quoting and referencing Barbara Mouser's Five Aspects of Woman. While I had some concerns about other parts of the response, this especially struck me:

Glory of Man (1 Corinthians 11, Ephesians 5) — As created, woman "glorifies her husband and her heavenly King with submission, adornment, purity and love. She emulates the Church's membership, as her husband emulates Christ's headship." In her fallen state, woman makes her beauty an end in itself, leading ultimately to ugliness (shame, lust, pride and sexual perversion, for examples; see Isaiah 3 and Ezekiel 16). Once redeemed, a woman is free to use her beauty for the benefit of her heavenly father and when married, for her husband.

Because this trait is so interdependent on created man, a godly woman must "find a man who commands her respect and wins her love; to please, be beautiful for, desired and cherished by such a man."

This raises so many questions, but I want to address two of them:

What about women who are not beautiful? I realize that, in our culture's way of thinking, it is as if these women do not exist. Or, perhaps more properly, our culture acts as if these women should not exist and therefore, their actual existence should not even be acknowledged. For example, I recall reading of an experiment conducted by a beautiful young woman who had a professional make-up artist "turn" her into an elderly woman. She then went around for a day, doing the sort of chores she usually did in her city. She was shocked --- it was as if she had suddenly become invisible. Those who did acknowledge her were often dismissive and impatient. The church should not be like the world. Taunting plain, elderly, or disfigured women with "you are free to use your beauty for the Lord" and "you should be beautiful for your husband" is dismissive, demeaning, and somewhat cruel. Not all of us are beautiful. Please stop pretending that we don't exist, that only the beautiful women matter, or that we are failing God and our husbands by not being beautiful.
What about single women? Apparently, if they are to be godly, they "must find a man" because this trait of godly womanhood is "so interdependent on created man". What if they can't find a man to marry them? Are they less godly? Less womanly? Or, do they simply not exist in the mind of these authors, just as plain women do not exist?

The smugness of these sorts of articles, which are legion, never ceases to irritate me. There was one woman who wrote, "Your husband didn't marry a wrinkled old prune, so why look like one?" I thought that either she was young or could afford plastic surgery. But what about elderly women? Are they sinning by having wrinkles? I recall another woman who turned the verse about husbands delighting in their wives' breasts into a command that wives were to make sure the appearance of their breasts was delightful! While I was happy for her and her delightful, perky breasts, I thought it was a bit unseemly for her to rub her good fortune (and perhaps financial ability to pay for cosmetic surgery) into the faces of those of us whose breasts, perhaps never delightful to begin with, now show the ravages of age, pregnancy, breastfeeding, breast biopsies, cancer surgeries, etc. Are we supposed to all run out and get surgery in order to "obey God's clear command"? What on earth did women of yesteryear do --- or were they all in sin because they didn't have the good sense to be born in our modern era?

Then there is the smugness that comes across like, "I am so much more godly because I am married. Neener, neener to you, single gal. If you were really godly, like me, you would have found a man!"

Please spare me the smug bragging about how godly and beautiful you are, and how much better you are than those who are not blessed with your beauty or your husband. That's really nice for you, but --- and this may put your pretty little head in a spin --- beauty is not next to godliness. And, even more shocking --- some of the most godly women I've known were plain, even disfigured...and a few were --- gasp!---single.

Oh, but how they glorified God! Much more so than your focus on fleeting externals.

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Tell me who you admire

2008-07-31T07:01:00.000-07:00

Back when I was in school, one of my teachers would say, "Tell me who you admire, and you're telling me who you are and who you want to be." Of course, this was in an attempt to get us to think about whether or not we should really be admiring rebellious rock and roll singers who died untimely deaths of drug overdoses. This teacher's statement only served me as a catchy way of stating a lesson my parents had worked to instill in me.

It came to mind on a recent visit to the Bayly brother's blog, where I read this. Apparently David Bayly believes that this guy belongs in his "pantheon of Midwestern heroes":

And what heroic act did this man commit? He shot his lawnmower with a shotgun. Not surprisingly, neighbors said he appeared to have been drinking at the time.

But, at least in Mr. Bayly's mind, all it takes to be a hero is to be so childish and lacking in self-control that, while under the influence of alcohol, you shoot your lawnmower because it doesn't start.

At least if you're a man. Mr. Bayly loves to go on and on about his views regarding Biblical roles for men and women. Somehow I doubt he'd be as admiring of a woman who looked like a homeless vagrant, drank too much, lost her temper, and shot the lawnmower. But I could be wrong.

What I do know is that Mr. Bayly's choice of heroes has certainly given me a deeper understanding in where he is coming from, who he is, and who he wants to be.

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God is good

2008-07-06T17:45:00.000-07:00

It sounds like a Christian cliché, and it's often used that way. But that doesn't diminish the meaning or make it any less powerfully true.

God is good.

Even when things go terribly wrong...when all hell seems to have literally broken loose. And He is not only good, but faithful, merciful, and gracious.

The hymn that TulipGirl posted this morning is so wonderfully appropriate when circumstances overwhelm us and we don't know what to do next. Christ is the Solid Rock upon which we stand.

And when we're too weak to stand? He carries us.

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4th of July

2008-07-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

Our celebration was, in some ways, quieter than in the past. We didn't throw our usual BBQ "party", mainly because I was a fuddy-dud this year. So we were pretty much it, and our house and yard seemed almost empty. It was a smaller group that climbed to the roof of the office to watch the fireworks.

Because it was so overcast, the fireworks show was quite a disappointment. But our own homemade smoke bombs and pyrotechnics, the handiwork of Child #4, were quite fun. He's been experimenting with smoke bombs in an attempt to "perfect" them. Probably the biggest disappointment is that we haven't come up with a way to color the smoke in order to make them as bright as the commercial ones. But what we lacked in color, we made up for in size...especially with this one, shown right after it was lit.

It begins to burn.

The smoke becomes more impressive.

We begin to think that maybe it was just a tad too much. I'm glad I was up on the roof, above the smoke.

We did manage to highly amuse some young boys nearby. After that, their colored smoke bombs seemed almost boring. But we decided that maybe we might not be in the biggest hurry to set off another supersized one...

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You've got to be kidding!

2008-07-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

For this post to make any sense whatsoever, you need to read "Problem Children" first.

It probably should go without saying that not everyone agrees with the way we taught our toddlers to interact with our babies. In fact, we've heard several common objections:

You must be crazy. Why on earth would you go through all this huge lengthy process? Why not just spank the toddler the first time he even looks crossways at the baby?

First of all, it really wasn't a huge lengthy process with the only intent being to prevent the toddler from hitting the baby. If our desire was behavioral conditioning of the toddler, we certainly would have gone about it an entirely different way. But we were setting the stage for a relationship that will last, we hope, our children's entire lives.

My mother was my inspiration for this. She nurtured a very strong bond between my older brother and me. I'll admit that I took her ideas and ran with them.

Frankly, although I may have made our preparations sound tedious and boring, they weren't. It was both fun and easy to talk about the upcoming baby, to practice "gentle", to reminisce about when the toddler was a baby, to laugh about toothless babies, etc.

Weren't you being dishonest when you made it seem as if the newborn baby adored his older siblings?

You know what? I'm really not sure. I do know that my newborns have reacted differently, with something like a focused fascination, to their siblings. And it seems like only a moment before our babies are obviously gaga over the "big kids". If you want to get a tiny four or five week old to laugh out loud, I've noticed, just call in the toddler. It works every time.

Plus, we do all sorts of silly stuff with our newborns. We talk in goofy voices, pretending to be them. We had one put the first ornament on the Christmas tree, despite the fact that he was only about a day old, and sound asleep at the time. We blame the newborn for eating the last of the leftovers or drinking the last of the juice. We pretend the newborn can read. What can I say? We're kinda weird and it's quite possible we were very short on entertainment during our season of having babies. Maybe that's why we saw the enormous entertainment value of our newborns.

But none of our children have complained, "You deceived us! We really believed that Newborn #5 got up in the middle of the night and cooked himself a snack!" And, while our children laughed at the pretend newborn antics and giggled at the idea of the newborn being all crazy about them, none of them ever thought the latter was make believe --- since, before long, it became truly obvious that they baby was crazy about them!

What's the big deal about toddlers hitting babies? Isn't it perfectly normal? Besides, I don't want to raise wimpy kids. I think getting smacked around as a baby helps kids toughen up.

We're just as concerned about what the hitting does to the toddler as about what it does to the baby. To be frank, I abhor bullies. I don't want to raise children who think it is OK to bully tiny, helpless newborns. I don't my children's relationships with each other to be marked by bullying.

Plus, I really don't buy into the idea that being bullied will make someone tougher. I was bullied quite a bit in school, and it turned me into a timid little mouse who, by the time I was in junior high, tried to sneak down the halls as silently and unnoticed as possible, just to avoid my tormentors.

Several studies confirm that being the victim of ongoing bullying typically has two consequences: either the victim becomes somewhat of a wimp, or the victim turns into a bully himself.

But even if that were not the case, I don't see how allowing kids to smack tiny babies is something that fits into a Christian ethic. If offending little children is worthy of millstones, what would Jesus think about us allowing our children to hurt the tiniest and weakest among us? What would He think about our attempting to justify this by claiming it is in the helpless baby's best interest?

Why don't you just admit it? You baby your babies!

Uh, well...yes, I do. And I'll freely admit that I think that babies should be babied. After all, they are babies!

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