tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123966.post2061859428099150293..comments2023-08-07T05:58:59.078-07:00Comments on Random Musings: Setting the record straightRebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01847552432061325769noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123966.post-23770567595107146122010-01-08T14:15:27.892-08:002010-01-08T14:15:27.892-08:00Also, I have watched several Islamic clerics teach...Also, I have watched several Islamic clerics teaching on video how it is okay to beat one's wife and outlining the rules for beating one's wife. <br /><br />If the one Chinese couple proves something then what do the women of these Islamic countries prove? <br /><br />And, having done a great amount of reading concerning the history of China and the treatment of women in that country, I would think that the Baylys would be embarrassed to present such an article as proof. <br /><br />Here is a recent article about domestic abuse in China. <br /><br />http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-03/07/content_7551147.htm<br /><br />And that doesn't even include husbands raping their wives in China since the government isn't so sure that it is wrong.Corriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771878099332439981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123966.post-71377664337624014502010-01-08T13:54:04.600-08:002010-01-08T13:54:04.600-08:00http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/123746/Man-Bea...http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/123746/Man-Beating-His-Wife.html<br /><br />Here's one for the Baylys. For every odd article they can dig up, I can dig up about 100 more like the above. <br /><br />I wonder how many times this husband beat his wife up using his "martial arts skills" and I wonder if he bothered to sign a contract saying he would only beat her up once a week? Something tells me that this woman has no recourse, especially since no one bothered to stop this man from assaulting his wife. <br /><br />And how many hundreds and hundreds of years did husbands get to physically assault their wives and those wives just had to take it? <br /><br />So, the Baylys can pull up one bizarre and unexplainable article to prove their point but that doesn't negate the fact that women have suffered abuse by men in much greater numbers. Not just physical abuse but sexual abuse, economical abuse and political abuse (denying women their rights).Corriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771878099332439981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123966.post-39556127900025627832010-01-08T13:29:19.991-08:002010-01-08T13:29:19.991-08:00Rebecca,
Excellent post and thoughts in your comm...Rebecca,<br /><br />Excellent post and thoughts in your comments section. Having taken some self-defense courses, I found myself constantly apologizing . I grew up most of my life apologizing for and feeling guilty for any abuse that happened to me. And you are right that many women don't report abuse or sexual violence because they fear not being believed or they are ashamed or that they will be blamed. And, sadly, these women suffer most of these things when they go to their church authorities. <br /><br />If women were as violent as men, this world would be a much different place. The Baylys are all about defending patriarchy and anything they can latch onto that seems to dispel the "myths" that the feminists assert, they will.Corriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771878099332439981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123966.post-78082659948304803132009-12-30T22:57:06.836-08:002009-12-30T22:57:06.836-08:00Several more common reasons women resist disclosin...Several more common reasons women resist disclosing abuse:<br /><br />1. They fear that they will not be believed. Unfortunately, this is not a groundless fear. The experience of having a desperate person look you in the eye and say, with hope and amazement, "You believe me?" as they burst into tears...it's heartbreaking.<br /><br />2. They expect to be blamed, as in, "You must have done something to make him mad", "You must have driven him to it somehow; no man beats his wife for no reason", "What did you do to get yourself raped?" "What were you wearing?" "Why didn't you install better locks on your windows?" "You must have done something to lead him on", "I can't believe you put yourself in that position!" "Just because you were a little girl doesn't mean you weren't asking for it in some way. Maybe you were acting seductive and he couldn't help himself", "What were you <br />doing coming home after dark?" "I think you got what you deserved."<br /><br />3. They often fear that, if the truth comes out, it could break the family apart. If a wife discloses that her husband is abusing her, he might get angry and leave. She might be blamed for the divorce. If a girl discloses incest, it might shatter the family. Victims will often blame themselves for destroying the family, rather than blaming the perpetrator for his destructive actions.<br /><br />4. Women fear, often for good reason, that others will side with her abuser. If he is well thought of, people will accuse her of "trying to destroy a good man". I know of more than one case where rape victims were urged by their own families and friends not to press charges because it would be "unfair" to ruin a man's life by dragging him into court, destroying his reputation, and having such an awful crime go on his record!<br /><br />3.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01847552432061325769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123966.post-62857804426588926962009-12-30T22:29:08.274-08:002009-12-30T22:29:08.274-08:00What you dismiss as "government stats" a...What you dismiss as "government stats" are compiled from a variety of sources, most of them actual police reports. As those of us who have worked in any capacity with victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse know all too well, often a team of horses is not enough to drag an account of abuse out of a woman or girl. If she has not been threatened, shamed, or humiliated into silence by her abuser, she may have been told by her abuser and her church that she must submit to her husband or father and that to speak ill of him would be a grave sin. She may be economically dependant on her abuser. So she hides the bruises, the black eyes, the split lips, the chipped teeth, the broken bones -- and makes excuses about clumsiness and "accidents" when her friends lovingly confront her in a desperate attempt to help. That's assuming her abuser has not succeeded in isolating her from her friends. It is heartbreaking to see thus happen to friends and loved ones.<br /><br />The stigma of rape, incest, and sexual abuse is so huge that many women go decades without telling their secret to anyone. They suffer silently while their husbands complain about their "hang-ups and inhibitions" and wonder why they don't snap out of their depression and why they "act so crazy". If these women overcome their shame and fear enough to get help -- or they become desperate enough, or circumstances force them -- the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can sometimes be a huge relief. <br /><br />Because women are so reluctant to speak of their abuse and so relctant to go to the police, the crime statistics do not tell the whole story. If, two decades after her brutal rape, a woman still cannot speak of it above a whisper, and cannot bring herself to utter the word "rape" or name her rapist, it is obvious that the crime perpetrated against her did not find its way into the Department of Justice crime statistics.<br /><br />To those of us who have seen the blood and bruises, those of us who have gained the trust of victims, those of us who have wept with them -- and rejoiced with them as they accomplish the difficult work of recovery -- we become unwilling to use their lives and their stories, so courageously entrusted to us, to advance any political, philosopical, or religious agenda...nor are we willing to pretend that the reality is something more to our liking.<br /><br />I'm not ignoring the fact that there are male victims. This is something that is of great personal concern to me. I know some male survivors who toil ceaselessly to help other men and boys, and it is these survivors I have come to rely on when I need information, resources, or referrals.<br /><br />Frankly, I would love it if women were just as violent as men for no other reason than that it would make my job as a martial arts and self-defense instructor much, much easier. It's hard enough to get girls and women in the door...then we have to get them to overcome the natural abhorance most of them have for anything remotely approaching the appearance of violence...and then we have to get them to stop apologizing every time they hit someone. I don't know how many times my own instructor has had to remind female students that they are training in a fighting art, not dance.<br /><br />Maybe, if women were just as violent as men, I would not hear time and time again, "Oh, I could never do that! Even if somebody was trying to kill me, I could never bring myself to hurt him! Now, if he was hurting my baby..." Maybe, if women were just as violent as men, I would not have to spend so much time convincing them their lives were worth defending. Maybe, if women were just as violent as men, wicked men and bullies would have reason to fear attacking women. Maybe, if women were just as violent as men, we would hear about more women fighting off their abusers. Maybe.<br /><br />But, frankly, I would rather see a world of less violent men than a world of more violent women.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01847552432061325769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123966.post-13860817111878279782009-12-30T11:38:43.317-08:002009-12-30T11:38:43.317-08:00>>I have no idea what "violence and vic...>>I have no idea what "violence and victims literature" Tim Bayly is referring to, since he does not actually cite any...<br /><br />Actually, you missed them. You had to click on the link. But for your readers, here's one that's a good place to start: D. G. Dutton, "Patriarchy and Wife Assault: The Ecological Fallacy," Violence and Victims 9 (1994): 167-82.<br /><br />Also, I suggest a book my wife and I are currently reading by the woman who, back in the seventies, founded the international women's shelter movement over in the UK. Her name is Erin Pizzey and her book's titled, "Prone to Violence."<br /><br />As for your government stats, anyone who's actually worked with victims of sexual and other domestic violence will tell you why bureaucrats report violence against women and girls, and not against men and boys. It takes a team of horses to drag out of men and boys accounts of their abuse, particularly if that abuse is at the hand of a woman.<br /><br />Governments collect stats that validate their priorities and legislative initiatives.<br /><br />Thanks for link, anyhow.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10269505397757467404noreply@blogger.com